Welcome to Atheist Nexus. I so sorry to hear about your chronic pain, and I guess I can understand your bitterness about seeing it happen to you while others thrive. Life is so unfair, isn't it.
I knew a guy in college who had Cerebral Palsey, and he wanted more than any other thing to play a musical instrument, as he loved music. But he couldn't, and he would always say how angry he was a god for giving him CP.
To paraphrase Shakespeare: Fate is an unfaithful whore.
But you are brave nevertheless. Did you hear of the 10 excellent lectures on EVOLUTION given weekly at Stanford University recently. You can find them here if interested (see below).
So welcome to Atheist Nexus and the world of common sense. We encourage you to join good groups and join in whenever you can.
of the active science group "ORIGINS: Universe, Life, Humankind, religion, Darwin..."
This busy group has fine discussion, good writing, about 100 science video clips including 10 recent Stanford University lectures on evolution. It seeks to understand the mysteries of the universe and how life and everything began.