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Tony
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- Batavia, IL
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- About Me
- Agnostic-Atheist living in the U.S. heartland.
I wrote this bit of fiction several years ago for a family reunion where we were asked to creatively tell all about our family, kids, etc. Being single and without kids, I took a decidedly different approach. There are some actual facts embedded in all this fiction, but you'd have to really know me to extract 'em...
I have an overactive sense of mesmerization, a hyperactive mole, and several children in Peru.
I once crash-landed a DC-10 in Iowa, puked in a prime minister's lap in Japan, and detected neutrinos at the bottom of the ocean.
Ninety-percent of what I say is a lie; the other half is an exaggeration.
A friend once told me that I'm loved by kids, dogs, and old ladies; unfortunately, I'm also loved by bacteria, loud cats in heat, and most bartenders.
I once won a ton of money playing Liar's Dice against God; unfortunately, I lost it all to the Devil in Pascal's Wager.
Martin Luther King, Jr. and I were pen pals, Ghandi and I went to high school together, and Freud and I … well, I'd really rather not talk about it.
I'm still convinced that Journey's Greatest Hits should be blank.
I hate sharks. But I respect them.
I once gave up Lent for Lent; now I do it every year.
Everyone thought I was nuts when I quit drumming for REM; now nobody wants to give me credit for getting out while the getting was good.
I once predicted that Jean Dixon would get most of her predictions wrong. I was 100 percent correct.
People ask me for my autograph; in my humility, I just give then my signature.
I have an affinity for fine suits, rough terrain, and sarcasm. Yeah. Right.
I was thrilled to learn that Occam's Razor has only one blade; more than that would have seemed excessive.
The website dedicated to hating me gets a million hits a week; I HATE that website.
I have no patience for impatient people, I can't tolerate intolerant people, and the concept of a milkman in this day and age gives me the eebies-jeebies.
I played Silvio Dante on The Sopranos, I play the victim when it benefits me, and I play computer solitaire when I should be working.
My bird speaks six languages and 13 dialects; I can't understand any of them, but that's what he tells me.
I've earned degrees from Harvard, Yale, and CSU Chico; I only accepted the one from Chico because I didn't want to appear snooty.
Despite my fame, I still get fever blisters.
Despite my fortune, I still can't seem to get a decent Internet connection.
Despite my many, many accomplishments, my mom still doesn't understand what I do.
Despite everything I've created and destroyed, despite my inability to grow decent facial hair, despite my several number one hit records and worldwide acclaim, despite my three Oscars, and despite my history of personally improving the lives of each and every person on earth, I live a relatively quiet, anonymous life in the suburbs of Chicago. It's not a bad life.
- School/College/University
- California State University, Chico, 1988 Graduate
- Profession
- Training Consultant
- Age Group
- 41-50
- City and State (For Member Searching)
- Batavia, Illinois IL
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- USA
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Chris G commented on Sara's group 'Atheists who love Science!'
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Joan Denoo replied to Sentient Biped's discussion 'Fast evolution of a finch disease.' in the group Birding, Birders and all things Birds
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Steph S. replied to Steph S.'s discussion 'Bird Watching In the USA and Around the World' in the group Birding, Birders and all things Birds
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Your bird must have read Webster's Dictionary.
Fun post.
I've got a frantic morning this morning, but when things settle down this afternoon, I'll make some suggestions myself.
What a pity you're not coming as far north as Queensland! Maybe next time. :-(
Cheers, Kris
I am pursuing a botanical illustration certificate at Morton Arboretum -- another landmark near you. I'm fascinated by anything scientific in my old age. I suppose my father's influence had much to do with my atheism. He is gone now, but he worked for NASA - on Apollo. He spoke as eloquently and was nearly as erudite as Dawkins. My mother was a lax Catholic but dragged me to church and made sure I was confirmed - I'm sure out of fear of her Italian Roman Catholic mother. She finally admitted she hated the church a few years ago. She's 91. I have no clue why I'm telling you all of this. Is just nice to know there are brilliant and crazy people out there - and quite near. I fantasize about somehow getting a 'count' of how many of us there actually ARE. I'd love to round them all up and have a party.
Carole (Westy) in Crystal Lake
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