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About Me: Not much to say. I love both intellectual and outdoor pursuits. I'm currently an enlisted member of the aviation side of the Marines, but hopefully once my foray into government work is done I'll be able to attend a top tier university and major in something relating to foreign policy. I'm incredibly facetious, irreverent, and eclectic so nothing is too sacred to poke fun at! I consider myself an agnostic.

My intellectual pursuits include: extensive reading of anything nonfiction, cosmology, physics, astronomy, psychology, biology, anthropology, geology, paleontology, economics, philosophy, among others. I am by no means an expert at any of what I listed, but I will read any book I can get my hands on about them.

My outdoor pursuits include: kayaking, rock climbing, bouldering, hiking, mountain biking, equestrian, birdwatching.

Other stuff I like: gaming, computers, Brazilian Jujitsu, counting down the days until I EAS.

I'm a Preacher's Kid who was raised by an awesome set of theologically moderate parents. Despite growing up in the Bible Belt and being a member of a conservative denomination (Presbyterian Church of America) for several years early on I have managed to emerge relatively unscathed psychologically. I remember my first bit of skepticism was at age 4 or 5 when I asked my Dad where God came from since it didn't make sense that anything could be forever (I watched too much PBS growing up), however he assured me that God always has been and is forever. That didn't really satisfy me, and I stayed silently uncommitted for several years.

I became earnestly Christian at age 12 or so when I was frightened by some vivid descriptions of hell (courtesy of the local Southern Baptists), and had legitimate faith for several years. I began as a theological conservative (PCA), and progressively moved farther and farther to the left (PCUSA, Episcopalianism, ELCA) as I matured and realized the true complexities of the world can't be defined by rigid moral polarities. I naively attempted to ignore the less palatable bits of the Bible (eternal torture, devaluing of women, hypocrisy, the Old Testament Yahweh being a sadistic bastard, etc.)

I gradually began to fall away from the 'on fire' faith I'd had as a 12-14 year old. I assumed it was a natural cooling. By the time I went to boot camp in summer 2006 I began to really sense the lack of god's presence. The distancing was punctuated by periods of belief, but I couldn't rediscover the feeling that my adolescent faith had provoked. This lead to me attending several churches, but the frustration at a lack of connection with both god and the congregations made me lapse in attendance each time.

My final push into agnosticism occurred during my deployment to Afghanistan during 2008. I never experienced anything traumatic to cause this, I simply began to expand my inquisitiveness to the one place I'd never allowed it to venture: my faith. I began to study apologetic writings and seriously consider the eternal fate of the people I encountered there every day; not just Afghans, but the various workers and military members from different countries and faith backgrounds. I really began to see the unfairness of eternal torture for non-belief. I also began to realize the ineffectiveness of prayer, something I'd always unconsciously known.

Deconversion mostly occurred in the course of a week in June, and it definitely was not an easy experience. I can compare it to losing a close friend or family member, even if in retrospect God was never there. Many years of belief and a feeling of spiritual intimacy disappeared very rapidly, and it was not something I welcomed. After a month or so I came to terms with it, and it is no longer so awkward. I do get occasional twinges of doubt about my current path (mostly the hell fearing variety).

I have not told my parents, and I don't think I ever will. I also still retain some belief in the possibility of some sort of deity, albeit an uninvolved one.

Profession: Military - USMC

Age Group: 18-21

City and State (For Member Searching): Cherry Point, NC

Country (For Member Searching): USA

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At 6:44am on January 6, 2010, Rick said…: http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#/goddamnathiest?ref=profile

At 4:11am on January 28, 2009, Rick said…: Howdy Ann.

I can understand how you felt going through the change of believer to non-believer.

I remember a few years ago reading about a fellow atheist. The man was from England. He was raised in the Church of England. He went to services all the time. During World War II he was a fighter pilot in the Royal Air Force (RAF). Prior to going out on a mission he did when he had always done; he went to services. They held them prior to the missions for the flight crews. You’ve seen it in the movies. They Americans did it too.

Well there he was sitting there listening to the minister go on. Then it dawned on him. There was a guy just like him but on the enemy side. He was sitting in church services too. They bother were being told they were doing “God’s Will.” And that they were both being blessed to go out and kill their fellow man.

The absurdity of it all just struck him all at once. He lost his faith / belief at that moment. He never went back to church or believed in God after that.

So you’re not alone. Glad to have you on here.

At 7:39am on December 18, 2008, Joseph R. said…: As far as the M-16A2, I'm sure that our experiences were far different. I am assuming that you may have spent 18? months in Afghanistan carrying around the equivalent of an 8 pound rock. I spent months on end on the rifle range shooting MC and intramural rifle and pistol matches, cradling my rifle like a precious child and sweet talking each round into the black. So, I can see how your view and my own would differ. And on a side note, while I was still in, I viewed my rifle as a bit of a burden.

At 9:28pm on December 17, 2008, Joseph R. said…: I was a 2531, field radio operator. First in, last out.

At 9:27pm on December 17, 2008, Joseph R. said…: I see you put "fun" in quotes. Yes, I did miss it, buy I have no regrets. I spent six years in, one in Okinawa, a month in Thailand, and some good times in Cali, and several years on the East coast. Good times.

At 9:23pm on December 17, 2008, Joseph R. said…: After looking at your Afghanistan photos, I realized how much I miss my rifle.

At 8:41pm on December 17, 2008, Joseph R. said…: USMC 1994-2000

At 9:42am on December 17, 2008, Dallas Gaytheist said…: Welcome to AN.

At 8:52am on December 17, 2008, Joseph R. said…: Welcome to A/N and the fishing and outdoor group. I was also enlisted in the MC. Last stationed at Lejeune. I still live in the area and occasionally get over to Havelock. Your story is great. I am glad to see another like minded person in NC. It seems as though we are greatly outnumbered.

At 9:14pm on December 16, 2008, Lori Gilliland said…: Welcome Ann, I found your story very interesting. It's always more interesting when its about a deconverted preachers kid. The best source I found on the internet to overcome religion is
The Happy Heretic - Judith Hayes. She changed my life in one day. Like you, I was religious as a youth, but was always skeptical deep down. Finally, I found losing God was a huge relief. It had become too difficult to believe anymore. I have been God free for almost 10 years. I will tell you, its not easy, but its for real. Good luck