And I'm religious.

Greetings from Iran, Infidels. I'm the beloved president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, but you can call me Mahm. You can see by my photo how nice and friendly I am. Altruistic too. Grinning like a skunk eating shit. I was wondering if I could impose on your generosity. You wouldn't happen to have any spare ICBMs with nuclear warheads lying around, would you? Also, I don't suppose you'd have an extra couple of tons of yellow cake sitting out in the car park? Better still would be a few fully functional 100 megaton hydrogen bombs. I just want one for a pillow. While I'm at it, do you have any decent sized stones? All ours are getting too small from being smashed against womens and childrens heads. You know how those women flaunt themselves in their burkahs, and the boys are compelled to gang rape them? Any normal man with an overdose of testosterone would, and it's not their fault. Well, these Jezabels have to be stoned to death for adultery for this infidelity to their loving caring husbands. Luckily, they have a few spares to rape. Some of these criminals are inconsiderate, and have very hard skulls. It's fucking all our good stones. We can only get through around 10 stonings a day, because our arms get tired, and it's taking longer since the stones are all pretty small now. Also, sorry to be pest, but we also need more sharp knives and axes. The ones we've been using to cut various bits off people have worn out. Lucky to be able to whack a finger or two off with them, and we like to take off more than that. Usually for no good reason though, but it keeps them down, and lets them know who's boss. You should do it too. It works really good. If any of them make it to Australia in one piece, do you still have any of those beer cans designed by Alan Bond when he had the brewery in Chile? I'm told you can open them no matter how crippled your hands are from torture. Bye for now. Allah be Praised!