Atheist Humor

This is the place to post that hilarious irreligious YouTube video, an irreverent, anti-religious cartoon, or other humorous bit of media. Posts that do not reflect an atheist/irreligious theme will be deleted. (Don't make me go Old Testament.)
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  • Chris Dodds

  • Patricia

    This is absolutely hilarious, but need to get past the ads first....

    http://youtu.be/nGeKSiCQkPw

  • Cory D Wells

    If you guys have not heard of it, http://www.youtube.com/user/TheBibleReloaded this is a really good set of atheists reading the bible with commentary.

  • Patricia

  • Ant Mac

    Talking about godless humour, who is going to watch our man John Stewart take on the ever-lovin' crazyman Bill "Bash 'em atheists" O'Reilly ?.

     

    I love John very much, it is very much like infatuation. =]

  • Joseph P

    It's on 24/7, on Hulu.
  • Terry Groff

    The Stewart/O'reilly debate will be Oct. 6. Not sure of the time but I'm sure we' ll know by then.

  • Andrew Hall

  • Troy Gorsline

  • Terry Groff

    UPDATE: The Stewart/O'reilly debate will be on Oct 6th at 8pm (eastern) It will be online but they are charging $4.95 to see it with the money being split between two charities of Stewart and O'reilly's chosing.

  • Tony Carroll

  • sk8eycat


    Description: image001.jpg@01CD8A85.C114ED30
    It just hit me! My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day. He has his food prepared for him. His meals are provided at no cost to him. He visits the Dr. once a year for his checkup, and again during the year, if any medical needs arise. For this he pays nothing, and nothing is required of him. He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than he needs, but he is not required to do any upkeep. If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep. He receives these accommodations absolutely free. He is living like a king, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of his costs are picked up by others who earn a living. I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick ..........
    My dog is a TELEVANGELIST !!!!

     

    This originally said, "My dog is a CONGRESSMAN!!!!"  But I didn't see any difference.
  • Patricia

    Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy .

    There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal:

    he'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community.

    If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy ; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave.
    The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise Rabbi to represent them in the debate.

    However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Yiddish, they agreed that it would be a 'silent' debate.
    On the chosen day the Pope and Rabbi sat opposite each other.
    The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.
    The Rabbi looked back and raised one finger.
    Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head.
    The Rabbi pointed to the ground where he sat.
    The Pope brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine.
    The Rabbi pulled out an apple.
    With that, the Pope stood up and declared himself beaten and said that the Rabbi was too clever. The Jews could stay in Italy .
    Later the Cardinals met with the Pope and asked him what had happened.
    The Pope said "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity.

    He responded by holding a single finger to remind me there is still only one God common to both our faiths.
    Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all around us.

    The Rabbi responded  by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us.
    I pulled out the wine and host to show that through the perfect sacrifice Jesus has atoned for our sins,

    but the Rabbi pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin. He bested me at every move and I could not continue."


    Meanwhile, the Jewish community gathered to ask the Rabbi how he'd won.
    "I haven't a clue" said the Rabbi. "First, he told me that we had three days to get out of Italy , so I gave him the finger.
    Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews, but I told him emphatically that we were staying right here."
    "And then what?" asked a woman.
    "Who knows?" said the Rabbi. "He took out his lunch, so I took out mine."

  • Troy Gorsline

     

     

    Ok - really really mean and I typically don't advocate this sort of thing, but it's been a bad week for me...

  • Joan Denoo

    Patricia, totally unexpected responses from pope and rabbi. Funny!

  • Ant Mac

    http://wumocomicstrip.com/2010/09/14/

    These guys have a healthy attitude to life. They laugh at every single aspect of it, and while religon is such an easy target and so they  fire away at it a lot, even science doesn't miss out.

    Some of their cartoons have cartoon nudity so marginally nsfw. Of course, most of you Cousin Johnathans can't come here at work anyway, in case the boss people with the invisible friend catch you! lol.

    http://wumocomicstrip.com/2005/05/07/

  • sk8eycat

    IN GOD WE RUST
  • Patricia

    The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
    Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:
    First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities: 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. 2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I go out with you", and take into account the fact that I went out with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct . . . leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
    This student received the only "A"

  • Andrew Hall

    A thought concerning International Blasphemy Day.

  • Lillie

    Patricia, that chemistry student is going to go far in this world.  What a sense of humor!

  • David Sensei

    Loved it, Patricia - thanks for sharing. But I wonder, too good to be true? It could be a hoax written by a prominent atheist chemist. I'm sure there are plenty of those.

  • sk8eycat

  • Patricia

    True, false, or otherwise, I just thought it was worth a giggle.

  • sk8eycat

  • Joan Denoo

    sk8eycat, funny! Thanks, I like a good cheery night refresher. I can go to sleep laughing. 

  • Tony Carroll

  • Pat

  • David W

    At the doctor's office.

  • Pat

    David - I noticed the writing just above the picture. "Most dinosaurs had small brains in comparison to the size of their bodies." The same is true of those that believe this crap.

  • Andrew Hall

  • Robert Brown

  • Troy Gorsline

    I'd pray to that god. At least something positive would come out of it.

  • Tony Carroll

  • rockytij

  • Joan Denoo

    rockytij, this billboard reveals perfectly what is wrong with religion. Take someone as he/she is and change them into something other ... a zombie! This is the first time the word "zombie" made sense to me and I now understand its deepest meaning.
    It is not the developmental task to become what someone else desires of one, but to reveal who you are from the inside out.  

  • Joseph P

    What the hell is that billboard even supposed to mean?  Is it the Mormon thing about God lightening your skin if you come follow him?

  • Boothby171

    The Truthministry billboard is  a spoof, I would think....since TruthMinistry claims to be able to "help people heal from homosexuality through the love of Jesus Christ"

    (I'm thinking it's probably not "that" kind of love, though)

  • Joseph P

    Ohhhhhhhh.  I see it now, yeah.  Mocking their inability to accept what every unbiased study has shown, that homosexuality is something intrinsic and not a choice.  Damn, I'm slow tonight.

    The fact that that sort of thing is explicitly in the Book of Moron helped along my confusion.  I thought perhaps the Moron Church had decided against political correctness and was going back to their roots.

    And I dunno, man.  From what I hear, there's a lot of that kind of 'loving support' going on at those cure-the-gay ministries, too.

  • sk8eycat

    "...there's a lot of that kind of 'loving support' going on at those cure-the-gay ministries, too..."

    AND individuals who call themselves psychologists.

    Think, "Marcus Bachmann."

  • rockytij

  • David W

    Selection of reading material offered to kids at the doc's office.

  • David W

    Just thought I'd share this. A brave van owner to be sure. Taken in Alabama. Not my van, of course.

  • Joseph P

    Yeah, you have to be brave to paint a van that color.

  • Joan Denoo

    OK, I still haven't figured out what the Boy Scout billboard is about. I know I am dense, but that one has me totally baffled. 

  • Joan Denoo

    Come to think about it, the Truth Ministry one still doesn't make any sense either. And who would be so red-neck to paint a van that awful shade of red and then put that license plate on it? Jeez, we need some hard-core anti-theists in society. 

  • Joan Denoo

    As to the dentist's reading material, boycott the dentist and with enthusiasm and vigor. Where are the Hitch's when we need them? 

  • sk8eycat

    David, instead of boycotting the doctor's office, sneak some copies of Dan Barker's Just Pretend into the mix.  It's s Freethought book for kids...telling thm that nobody can tell them what to think, that their minds are their own.

    https://ffrf.org/shop/books/just-pretend-a-freethought-book-for-chi...

    A fun book which allows children of "all ages" to explore myths like Santa Claus and compare them with ideas like the existence of God. Entertaining, respectful of children's intelligence, Just Pretend encourages kids to apply the tests of reason to any idea, fairy tale, myth or religion. Ages 6-12 recommended (but appropriate for children of "all ages"!), fully illustrated, 72 pages.
  • Andrew Hall

  • Joan Denoo

    sk8eycat, great idea! Free-thought from a dentists office, who would guess?!

  • Joan Denoo

    Andrew, great site! "a majority of the beer swilling, smack talking members of the Captain's team want to make Mississippi go from Republican to marinara red just to prove a point." 
    Cheers for marinara red!