Secular Sexuality

(NSFW) A no-taboo approach to sexual education and health.
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  • TNT666

    @Susan. Pap smears are important even if someone has not had sex. Cervical cancer is not only for non sexually active people. There is no such thing as medical virginity.

  • dr kellie

    @TNT.  That is very true, but I wouldn't go very often if I had never been sexually active.  I actually asked an ex (a gyno)  of mine about this and she said everyone should still get the full work-up every year, but I kind of knew she would say that.

  • TNT666

    Cancer of the cervix might be a good discussion topic for this group. I've only ever known one person to have it, a while back. My work-up has been not quite every year since I was 14, when I started the pill. I've kept the same schedule since age 31 when I got my tubes ligated. Now I've even had my first mammography, damn, I'm getting old!!! :)

  • Susan Stanko

    I had my first mammo this year and even with the controversy of when women should start, I'm 40, the report said I should come back next year.

  • Tom Sarbeck

    Schoolboy humor many years ago in a Catholic school: "Have you met the new girl? Her name is Virginia. We called her Virgin for short but not for long."

  • TNT666

    Luckily, my mammo said nothing... so I guess I'll be starting the yearlies at 50. pfew.

  • Susan Stanko

    That is the odd thing.  My Breasts are too dense.  I would have thought that I would get to wait as well.

  • A Former Member

    Justalysn, you need to read this article by Malcom Gladwell:

     

    Annals of Technology: The Picture Problem
    Mammography, air power, and the limits of looking

  • A Former Member

    I worked with a woman once who had to give up caffeine because she always had systs in her breasts. I think she may have called it "fibercystic" but I can't be sure. If they're lumpy, maybe that would help?

  • Susan Stanko

    fibrocystic

  • A Former Member

    Oh, yes. Thanks. : )

  • Garaidh Mac an tSaoir

    On the subject of breasts, did you see this startling medical news?

    Smoking can make your nipples fall off - - CNN.com Blogs

    http://thechart.blogs.cnn.com/2011/12/05/smoking-can-make-your-nipp... 

  • A Former Member

    NSFW

    How to stay fresh "down there"

  • A Former Member

    Pa. liquor board pulls ad on heavy drinking, rape


    An ad meant to warn young adults about the links between heavy drinking and rape has been pulled by Pennsylvania's Liquor Control Board.


    Critics said it was another example of suggesting victims are to blame for rape.


    The ad featured an image of a woman's legs on a bathroom floor with her underwear pulled down to her ankles, and the words: "She didn't want to do it, but she couldn't say no." [continue]

     

    What say you?

  • Joseph P

    Eh, I don't see the problem. "There are a lot of assholes out there who will rape girls. Help keep your friends safe from them." I don't see the assignment of blame to the girls, in that ad.
  • Susan Stanko

    I guess, if you want to be technical, it is blaming the victim.  Doesn't make it any less true, however.  Because, I don't care how drunk you are, it doesn't mean she deserved it.

  • dr kellie

    I must admit, the ad did irk me a little.

  • MaleficVTwin

    I've always thought that it's a very fine line that must be walked like a tightrope when talking about certain behaviors that can make a girl more likely to be raped. It's incredibly frustrating too. The ad is 100% correct to point out that drinking heavily and leaving with strange men can increase your chance of being raped. Susan is right; she didn't deserve it, yet her lack of good judgement could certainly be considered a contributing factor.

    I've found in past discussions on this topic that an analogy works well to illustrate the point:

    If I were to walk through a bad neighborhood at night counting $100 bills, how much higher are my chances of being robbed than if I took the money straight home in my car and put it in my safe? The odds of course would go up exponentially. Does it mean that I deserved it? Of course not. Did my behavior contribute to it? Absolutely. People would tell me I was a dumbass to do that. Granted this is an extreme example, but it illustrates very well that a little bit of forethought and good judgement can prevent us from being the victim of a violent crime, sexual or not.

  • Tom Sarbeck

    A person who walks through a bad neighborhood at night counting $100 bills might qualify for a Darwin Award.

  • TNT666

    The main problem with the ad is that it perpetrates the fallacious dogma that rape is generally something that happens between strangers. It does absolutely nothing to address the fact that a great majority of rapes have nothing to do with alcohol but with abusive males within women's inner circles.

  • Joseph P

    I guess I'm just not seeing that distinction in the ad.  Getting drunk and going home alone with anyone seems like a bad idea.  I didn't take "don't know very well" to mean complete stranger.

  • TNT666

    Being "too drunk to say no" is only relevant in the context of rape by strangers. The ad is a girl lying in a public bathroom. Both are uncommon contexts. It excels at shifting the blame to the 'evil stranger', rather than the priest, boyfriend, coach, father, etc.

  • TNT666

    In addition, I've gone home 100s of times alone with a stranger, that wasn't half as risky as being with people we know, who women  don't dare fight against, and speak out against, who control women's lives.

  • Joseph P

    Yet it says "going home with".  Maybe they put that fugly tile pattern in some homes, too.

    More likely, that's what the ad designers had easily available.  I'd accuse them of laziness before I'd accuse them of pushing a blame agenda.

  • Joseph P

    And you really think that an acquaintance never took advantage of a girl who was drunk and wouldn't remember it?  You know far fewer assholes than I do, if that's what you're trying to say.

  • TNT666

    Did I say never??? no

    It's about placing effort where it really counts... blaming female alcohol consumption for rape is statistically barking up the wrong tree. It is incompetence in action.

  • Sean Murphy

    "Being "too drunk to say no" is only relevant in the context of rape by strangers."

    How is that even partially true. If someone is passed out, how does knowing their rapist allow them to wake up and say no but not wake up if they don't know their rapist? Being too drunk to say no definitively makes it irrelevant if it is a stranger or an acquaintance or a close friend.
  • TNT666

    Oh boy... you really missed my point!!

    9/10 rapes are not committed by strangers. This myth that rape is a large consequence of females getting drunk in bars/clubs is simply that, a myth, one promoted by religious dogma that strangers are more dangerous to us than our peers, and that females are the cause of their own rape through stupid behaviour. Statistically speaking, rapes happening with known persons is not the result of female drunkenness, but simply the result of males wielding power. It is in this statistical context that I used the word 'irrelevant'.

  • Darrel Ray

    Fellow sexual secularists, my new book, Sex and God: How religion distorts sexuality, comes out this week. I think you will find that it focuses on the heart of what this group is ll about. I hope you will take a look at it on Amazon or Barnes and Noble and ask your favorite book story. Here is what Andy d: "Read this book. Whether you are a believer, doubter, or atheist, religion influences your sexuality. Darrel Ray removes our blinders. Never again will you view religion as benign in its effects. With patience, verve, and overwhelming evidence he makes the case that religion is an STD, a sexually tarnishing disease. Religion undermines our capacities for romance, love, sex, intimacy, and parenting. Sex and God, not the Gideon Bible, needs to be in every hotel room." --J. Anderson Thomson, Jr., M.D., University of Virginia, psychiatrist, author, Why We Believe In God(s): A Concise Guide to the Science of Faith

  • Grinning Cat

    A celebrity sighting related to secular sexuality:

           

    Renowned Physicist Stephen Hawking Frequents Sex Clubs (radaronline.com)

    Renowned physicist Stephen Hawking is somewhat of a regular at a Devore, California sex club .... According to a source who has been a member of Freedom Acres swingers club for nearly half a decade, Hawking, 70, shows up to the club with a bevy of nurses and assistants and has naked woman grind on him.

  • Darrel Ray

    Friends in the sex positive world, today we are announcing that we are live on the Secular Therapist Project. You can now register as a client and search for a therapist in your community. If you don't find one, you can still find many that will do distance counseling on the phone or by skype. Please check it out and tell your friends. It you are looking for secular mental health services, this is the place to look. If you are a secular therapist, please register with us. We have been working hard to six months to create this website and service. You won't have to worry about religious judgement from our therapists when yaou explore your sexuality or concerns with them.

  • Ruth Anthony-Gardner

    Anatomy of orgasm, G rated

     

  • TNT666

    Minor reality points... Nearly all women I've discussed this with (and in my 46 yrs it's been a lot) do indeed have a refractory period. Multiple orgasmic women are not the norm, in fact, I've only ever met one. I wish they didn't use the word gender in these things too, when they're obviously discussing genital sex and not some mind concept of gender.

  • Paula T.

    I WISH I had a short refractory period!  TNT666 is right, but it's not something I've discussed with many women.  My boyfriend can - guys are lucky that way, I guess.  Great video, thank you, Ruth.

  • Joseph P

    I'm not sure it's the same thing, in men and women, though.  I don't think women have a refractory period in the same way men do.  Sure, you've got a period between orgasms, but it's not the same as the one most men experience.

    Every woman I've slept with can be brought back around to orgasm in 2 or 3 minutes.  I've got a defective refractory period, myself, so I do a thorough job of testing.

    Guys are lucky in which way, Paula?  I'm not following you.

  • Paula T.

    Sorry, I should have made my statement more clear.  I think men are lucky in that they have a shorter refractory period.  My boyfriend can be ready to go again after 15 minutes or so.  NO WAY can I do the same.

  • Paula T.

    And that is regarding being able to reach orgasm.  I don't need to have an orgasm every time we are intimate, but I still enjoy it immensely.  

  • Joseph P

    *blink*

    15 minutes?  As in, you have an orgasm, and then you need to have a 15 minute break before you're ready to give it another go?

    Jeeze, that would be frustrating as hell, for me.  15 minutes in, I'm still usually coming around to my first orgasm, and my partner has generally had 4 or 5.  Not sure I could ever reach orgasm, under those kinds of constraints.

  • Paula T.

    No, no, no...my boyfriend can be ready to go in 15 minutes.  I need hours to be ready to reach orgasm.  I hate to get TOO personal here, but it's very rarely a quickie for us.  We are also older than you, Joseph, and that can make a difference in the amount of time it takes to reach orgasm.  I hope I followed your comment correctly.

  • TNT666

    We should distinguish here clit and vaginal orgasms as they generally experience different timing. IME clitoral orgasms anywhere from 15-60 min. Vaginal orgasms from 5min to not at all. But vaginal orgasms are less reliable.

  • Paula T.

    From my understanding, vaginal orgasms are much less common.  It is good to differentiate the two.

  • Joseph P

    They seem pretty reliable to me.  ^.^

  • Ruth Anthony-Gardner

  • Tom Sarbeck

    I like the pic!!!

    If no one is selling them, I will make several and put them in communal spaces.

  • TNT666

    This is a very "David Suzuki" view of environmentalism. Guilt tripping the citizenry, while fully knowing that even if 100% of humanity "turned off the light" it would change almost nothing the the global annual energy consumption. Any environmental action which focuses on little teensy drops in the bucket instead of the grand scheme of things, ie corporate energy consumption, is bound for environmental failure. Of course, little drops in the bucket does seem to make people feel really good about themselves. But feeling good about ourselves and creating change that has an environmental impact are two entirely different things. Now you choose :)

  • Tom Sarbeck

    TNT666, have you no humor?

  • TNT666

    I have such a light switch but it says reserection... It's a bloody Jesus on a cross... Yes I have humour about some shit, but not the environment. I've been involved with the environmental movement too long and have been watching groups create NO change at all in the state of the planet, because of constantly barking up the wrong tree, such as light switching.


  • Tom Sarbeck

    Metaphor, metaphor, all is metaphor.

    Some politically active folk insist that others are barking up wrong trees when those others are barking up different trees.

  • TNT666

    40 yrs of barking at a tree... and still we go downhill... if that's not the wrong tree I don't know what is!!!! ;P

  • Tom Sarbeck

    1.Are you saying there are only two effing trees in the effing forest: the tree you say is the wrong tree and the tree you're barking up?

    2. The world ALWAYS goes downhill when it's not going uphill.

    3. It starts going uphill when enough people look up the hill and see up there what they want.

    Dutch Uncle.