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Parents

This is mainly for those of you under 18/still living at home, though it can obviously be applicable to older people, as well.

How many of your parents know that you're an atheist?

My mom and step-dad are both very fundamentalist Christians, and as far as they know, I am as well (I sort of stopped doing all that about the time they moved a state away and I moved in with my dad). I don't want to deal with the huge falling out I know would occur were I to tell them. They might also try to make me move in with them again. Plus, to be honest, I need their support and help right now (and especially next year, when I start college), and I know that would all be withdrawn if they knew I'd "turned away from god."

My dad, on the other hand, while he does believe in god, is not any sort of religious person. I don't know if he knows whether I'm atheist or not, but he wouldn't really care either way.

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Geoffrey on July 14, 2008 at 1:50am

I was terrified at first not when I realized I was an atheist, but how I was going to let my parents know. It made me sick to my stomach watching them make comments about religion and I wanted to lash out at them for how idiot it sounded.

Rather than having a real "coming out" as a lot of people seem to have, it was a really gradual process. I tried to make slow hints about it when they made comments and I would try to point out other options and obviously they didn't take my very seriously. My "coming out" I guess would be when my sister asked what religion we are. I was slightly bothered because obviously you should make your own decision rather than just believing what your family believes, but you can't really blame someone that young for not knowing. My mom said "We're Christian" and I responded "You guys are.". Obviously I was asked a bunch of questions from then on: "You don't believe in God?" "What *do* you believe in?" and I answered as straightforward as possible.

While I doubt my family is quite as religious as yours, if they love you I doubt they are going to disown you. My family was really disappointed at first but they got over it and accept the fact that I don't agree with them. I really wish I could talk to my sister about it more because she doesn't really get a chance now since they are determined to make the good little Christian soldier that I never turned out to be. I'm sure you'll do just fine when the time comes, remember: They're you're family, if they love you they'll at least respect that you have you own beliefs.

Permalink Reply by Alina on July 14, 2008 at 2:14am

Haha, you don't know my family. It's not that they'll disown me - they'll continue to talk to me and consider me their daughter and such, but they'll refuse to "support a sinful lifestyle." Meaning no more money (not that I'm really getting any anyway), no help for college, etc.

I've already had this threatened to me - they seem to think that me living with my dad means that I have absolutely no parental guidance or control and am allowed to do whatever the hell I want. Obviously this couldn't be further from the truth, but they don't seem to get that.

However, I could deal with the lack of funds from them, the thought of them supporting me monetarily anymore is a joke. Our twenty-one year old roommate gets more money from her parents than I do. The main thing I'm worried about right now is them trying to make me move to Montana with them. This is their main threat, if I do anything 'bad' or that they don't agree with, I'll have to move up there to have a more 'godly influence' on my life. Obviously this is a fucking joke, but whatever. Anyway, I'll probably be a lot more open to them when I'm 18. But for now, I'll be the most devout Christian they need me to be.

Permalink Reply by Geoffrey on July 14, 2008 at 2:19am

Yeah that is a fairly decent threat. Perhaps in your situation it might not be a terrible idea to play along with them until you're 18 and able to make your own decision about where you live. Money I know doesn't have much of an influence but losing you to Montana isn't something I'd be happy about (no offense to anyone from Montana ;P). I'm sure you'll have plenty of scholarships rolling your direction so that isn't too bad of a deal.I really don't enjoy the idea of someone having to hide their feelings about religion but I suppose your situation is a little bit different. Once you're 18 though I say have at'm ;)

Permalink Reply by Katie Morison on September 25, 2008 at 7:30am

I cannot begin to obsess over how cool those people are :D

Permalink Reply by Angie Jackson on June 4, 2009 at 8:02am

I'm older (26) but I joined the group to comment on this topic. Hyper religious folks absolutely will disown you if you stray for the teachings. Sad, but happens. Parents disown kids for being gay, atheists, or dating a black guy around here.

Permalink Reply by Timothy W. Brown on June 13, 2009 at 4:07am

You must live in the bible belt, as do I.

My mother and her boyfriend (might as well call him a step-dad) are not too religious, but are still pretty strong Christians. When I first came out about my atheism to my mom, she kind of freaked out, and called me a satan worshiper, etc. etc. until she got the idea that I simply didn't believe in any gods. Every time I see her talk about the Christian god, I see a spark of doubt in her eyes... she may eventually see the light and come to atheism.

I really hope she does.

Permalink Reply by faith the atheist on March 3, 2010 at 8:16pm

I wish that my family is gonna be like that but I doubt it..

Permalink Reply by Orson_Zedd on July 14, 2008 at 8:29pm

My parents are still unaware, and if I can help it, will remain so until the death of all my grandparents, or I'm able to move out one. At the moment, that's not an option, financially.

But really, I wouldn't be surprised if they thought I was. I've basically outlined my philosophy, I just haven't given it a title page.

Permalink Reply by Alina on July 14, 2008 at 11:28pm

That is basically where I am. They will remain ignorant of my beliefs until I'm independent of them, which is definitely not an option at the moment.

Unlike you, however, they think I'm just as fundamentalist as ever - that I've just lapsed in going to church. Sigh.

Permalink Reply by Orson_Zedd on July 15, 2008 at 12:29am

My parents are constantly surprised when I put human rights over religious issues, voice support of evolution and environmental conservation (hey, other things gotta live here too... for now).

What's really striking is two parts of a dangerous philosophy my father has.
The first: Being wrong about any one thing calls into question every associated thing. So, if evolution can't make 100% accurately detailed predictions of the past, it's wrong, end of story.
The second: God is science, so if evolution conflicts with the Creationist theory, then evolution is wrong and not science.

There is so much wrong with his mixed up philosophy, that I basically don't care that he gets mad at me anymore. It's become like a thermostat, it's just a matter of how mad he is. Bonus points for pointing out the flaws in his basic understanding of biology, and how it's changed in the past 30+ years.

I think the man is insane. It's like the Monty Python sketch where the man wants to have an argument and is sent to the room for people who want to be verbally abused.

Permalink Reply by Devin on January 3, 2009 at 12:56am

Im somewhat in the same situation as you guys but I'm in my second year of college and have be atheist/agnostic for about a year and its like not telling them is almost tantamount to lying especially because of the amount of money involved its hard but sites like this make it bearable

Permalink Reply by Will Faithless Sophia on April 10, 2011 at 9:57pm