Up, Up, And Away To That Mystical, Mythical World of Woo

by Gael R. Murphy

Where is this mythical land of woo, 
That my vegan friends keep inviting me to? 
I've searched everywhere, every river and valley. 
I've searched every map from both Rand and McNally. 

For that whimsical land where one's thoughts make a change,
Where thinking good thoughts cures a dog of the mange. 
It sounds oh, so lovely, fantastic, and mystical, 
Where magic is real and our dreams are realistical

I've searched high and low in nature and science,  
But I've found no map I can use with reliance. 
In order to get to that sweet land of Nod  
Must I pretend to believe in their god? 
Or can I admit that their worldview seems odd,  
And it won't change the fate of a hen, cow, or cod

How can I express it with some sort of tact 
That it's best for us all to just stick to the facts? 
All of this nonsense is just a distraction 
and the thoughts in our heads don't result in "attraction."

For I've dreamed and I've hoped to free pigs from the factory, 
But my own sad results have been unsatisfactory. 
So when I am told of that, "Law of Attraction" 
I just want to yell, "Nothing's changed by inaction!" 

If germs really listened to what we are hoping, 
If the cosmos could care what we think of calf roping, 
If nature considered our thoughts about branding, 
If the ether could give all the beasts legal standing, 

Then I would join them in all things fantastic. 
I'd ride carpets that fly, and I'd be so ecstatic! 
I'd happily join them in their wishful thinking 
That a loving god cares, but that takes too much drinking. 

They believe in creation, while I know we evolved. 
I have no idea how this can be resolved. 
When I demand proof from science or history 
I just don't want my friends to be blinded by mystery. 

Between Rainbow Bridges and angels and elves, 
I guess that they just need to comfort themselves. 
And so they pretend that their thoughts can move mountains 
And that wishes come true with a coin in a fountain. 

The only fact that keeps me sane 
is knowing they actually act to make change. 
Whatever odd thoughts may go on in their heads, 
they do more than dream happy dreams in their beds. 

I love and respect them for they always knew, 
Their magic will never free bears from the zoo. 
So with every petition, each abuser they sue, 
They work in the real world, in spite of their woo.

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