Comment

Comment by Diana Bett on September 24, 2011 at 12:04pm

Aw, man, I had hoped that the person who got on here and told you children to behave had been effective! Sad.

Comment by Susan Stanko on September 23, 2011 at 9:59am

Actually, I met a guy on Tagged who wanted to be "friends".  He said he was actually scared of me because he never knew a women who never wanted kids.

Comment by Adam on September 23, 2011 at 12:22am

This comment thread seems to be blowing up a bit and is sort of silly. Let's all take a step back and see if it's actually accomplishing anything.

 

Are the terms "breeders" and "fuck trophies" derogatory? Yeah. Is that acceptable? In most public arenas I would say no. But this is a self-selected community of people who have made a choice and come here to find each other. If we're being perfectly honest then nearly the rest of the world is the community for people who have kids or expect to have kids. So while I would never argue that it's polite to use terms like that I completely understand using hyperbole to blow off some steam.

 

The majority of the world doesn't think that people should or will have kids. They expect it. So, like atheists, Jews, Muslims and other groups around Christmas, child free people are constantly exposed to judgement based on the assumptions of the privileged majority. Parents and "breeders" don't need to be loud and angry in opposition to the child free position in order to belittle us. All they have to do is not think about options and continue to follow the status quo. It's a much quieter form of denigration but at least as disparaging.

 

And, for the sake of argument, let's assume that using those terms isn't just a verbal form of stretching one's legs to feel comfortable. Let's assume that it is the writing of someone who is callous, angry, bitter and self absorbed. When someone is, hypothetically, that wrapped up in themselves and child free then the only person that suffers is that single person. Though I don't work exclusively with parents I work with the public and therefore I do work with a number of parents. I have faced this quiet belittling. My wife has as well, probably to a much greater degree since she's a woman and it seems shocking to nearly all of her colleagues that she would choose to not have children. But when people are angry, bitter and self absorbed and DON'T regard children as a completely optional aspect of life but just another stage then not only are they eating themselves up inside but they also bring new people into it: their children and possibly spouse or partner. So really, if someone on here is being cruel then all the better that they would choose to be that way alone rather than making a new person in this world just to endure along with them.

 

That said, the tone is getting really punchy so maybe it would help to take some time to chill/have a cocktail/smoke a bowl/play an FPS/go for a run or whatever everyone likes to do when they want to let off some steam.

Comment by Elveera on September 22, 2011 at 11:14pm

 

Hmmm, run out of non-offensive responses very quickly, didn’t you.  Very typical of myth and “good book” proponents …  You lied when signing up for this site’s account.

Some religious friends of mine have mentioned that “God helps those who help themselves.”  Well, fetuses cannot help themselves when unlucky enough to have leeches for parents…. People like you promote the existence of more leeches.  Logically, you are a nuisance to those aforesaid fetuses.  Do you also agree with church’s position on condom use?

I resent enablers and the “bleeding heart” contributors to the slow demise of this country.   

You aren’t part of the solution, TByte, regardless of how much you diluted yourself to the comfort of believing otherwise …

[Enlightened by “Him”? By “Him” I mean the less believable FSM counterpart  ;)]

Comment by Elveera on September 22, 2011 at 10:50pm

 

 

Wonder if we’re in similar lines of work, just in different neighborhoods/realities.

I’ve had parents say to me that they had children for another govt. check.  I’ve had girls in low teens claiming their day to have a child was coming as was family tradition.  I’ve heard women speak of “accidents” in baby making like it was the wrong color of lipstick they picked up.  I’ve witnessed people speaking of children being blessings as they paid for formula with food stamps with another on the way.  If you call that bigoted – fine – I call it realistic.  I do not wear pink stained glasses, cherishing anything with baby attached to it.  Responsible baby making involves responsibility, consideration, reflection, education (for ability to provide a child financially AND otherwise as to make him/her a contributing member of the society and not a leech).  Maybe to do your job you need your pink shades and denial.  Maybe you have such leeches in your life and in order to survive you learned to justify them.  Maybe … maybe … maybe …  Regardless, ultimately it is about un- or miss- education, lack of personal responsibility, accountability for one’s own actions, desire to contribute to rather than burden the country you live in …  I do hold resentment toward people who are leeches – is that bigotry?  I’ve survived being a child of people who had no business being parents (and that’s without support outside their income).  I’ve grown to hold a silly little wish that people had a choice in their own existence because from early on I had thoughts of preference of not existing at all than existing in circumstances that were forced upon me by irresponsible, myopic people who became (my) parents for reason no other than because everyone around them was becoming one.  I’ve made it somehow in terms of developing ability to sustain myself.  Many don’t.  I contribute instead of being a leech.  And I resent having to sustain other people’s children via tax $, which is partially the reason why I question if I’ll be able to afford parenthood with all its many demands, if I were to get to that point one day. 

Are you a saint in your own eyes?  Does contributing to the problem or promoting it make you feel good about yourself?  Does defending “God’s children” from reality of the demands life brings on make you feel closer to Him?  You do not belong here TByte, on this forum, possibly not on the website …  You get offended by reality and offensive to people who see past your pink colored glasses, even if on occasion exhibit it ‘harshly’.  This is not Sunday school …

Comment by Elveera on September 22, 2011 at 8:21pm

"Millions of children go hungry in America" is one of the key news today.  How many of them are children of people who actually considered their ability to provide before impregnating/becoming pregnant?

Comment by Elveera on September 22, 2011 at 8:12pm

@ TByte -

"So Elveera, when a few people in a demographic act in a way that annoys you, you feel justified in denigrating the entire group?”  That’s a myopic generalization.  “Few” is a gross understatement.  “Annoys” is also a gross understatement - “infuriates” would be more accurate.  “Entire group” – no, just the subjects failing to meet their kids’ basic needs regardless of the fact that they made those kids which in my opinion should equate to a commitment to providing.

“In my opinion, Bigotry is brainless." - 100% with you on that one!  Wonder though what inspired your mindless accusation.  Could it be my resentment toward ignorant baby makers failing their flesh and blood in meeting their basic needs? Do look up the definition for the word.

To summarize: yes, many people here have made comments that were generalizations that I can simply explain as result of frustration; yes, strong and angry words have been used here as an outlet for the general frustration; and YES, ultimately, this forum serves the purpose of letting all of us vent and let those frustrations out.  But it is pretty clear to me now that you are either a churchgoer or some kind of equivalent, with your myopic/simplistic approach to the issue and emotional, not quite thought out responses that fail to show understanding of the issue ULTIMATELY addressed in this forum under the few harsher word choices.

Comment by Steph S. on September 22, 2011 at 11:36am

I don't understand why someone who is depressed would want kids either. Does the article discuss post partum depression? I don't understand that either.

Comment by TNT666 on September 22, 2011 at 10:58am

Big item in Canadian news this week... Depressed women on depression meds having babies who die because of their... depression meds. All I could think of during the news reports is: Why are depressed people wanting to be parents... How is a depressed parent a good parent???? The people interviewed in various reports had been on antidepressant drugs for years and years, as per the norm in this field. It's not just depression though. Frankly, the idea of creating a new life while our own body is sick I find beyond hard to understand. I wouldn't want government to dictate anything... but I think these people should seriously examine their ethics on the matter.

Comment by Elveera on September 19, 2011 at 9:16am

Yes TByte - occasionally I do - when I get fed up with brainless individuals who find procreation to be a miracle and something to be engaged in freely (rodents and locust procreate - lots of such miracles there too).  And speaking of chosen path - people not having children most of the time choose that path.  The individuals you are attempting to defend here have made no choice - a choice implies giving a thought to pros and cons - individuals criticized here engage in no thought process, just go through brainless motions calling it miracles.  As for "regardless of their individual responsibility" - are you freeing frivolous-baby-makers from individual responsibility?  Because that is what is also criticized here, so no wonder you are defensive of it ...

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