Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Mick Wright on January 4, 2011 at 10:18pm

This could be taken wrong. So please don't. But I wonder why you feel that way; knowing better would mean you could dismiss the feelings and they wouldn't arise enough to be a bother. I wonder if it's a part of the environment - where do you normally hear people talk about it? Workplace, socially, a mixture, what? Also, are they more often talking about problems or positive benefits - do they tend to frame the pros, or the cons?

Permalink Reply by Jen E. on January 7, 2011 at 12:08am

seems like everywhere I go someone has a child.

 

I honestly don't know anyone who isn't a parent right now.

 

Except my roommate and my bf.

 

I live in SD and tha'ts very military and most women here are wives and mothers.

 

and most women here that I talk to want children even if they cant' have them and they "try" all the time.

 

Sometimes, though, I think the harder they "try", the less likely they are to get pregnant.

 

J.

Permalink Reply by Hollyn on January 5, 2011 at 2:44pm

(This didn't start out tl;dr, but it probably ended up that way.)

It doesn't sound lame. Not to me, anyway.....

 

What I get really tired of is the people who assume I'm good with kids simply because I'm a woman. I get really tired of people who let their young children ask me questions (that make no sense) as they just stand there and admire their inquisitive youngster. - It's not admirable to me. I don't think it's cute. It's actually really fucking annoying because I have a job to do, and stopping to answer a pointless question is a waste of my time. ESPECIALLY if the kid isn't even going to remember a single word I said 10 minutes later. - I remember one time in particular I was redoing a blackboard with upcoming information. This kid, probably 6 or 7 years old just runs up to me and squeals, "What are you DOING?" his family giggling near-by. I was slightly shocked because I had taken myself to a far corner of the store, to be out of everyone's way, so I could work in peace and not be distracted. - Without really stopping what I was doing I said, "making a sign..." and carried on with my job. The kid left. But I was so annoyed.

I wasn't rude to the kid, but I wasn't about to act all happy that a kid was talking to me. For a second after it happened I was a little afraid that the kid's parents were going to say something to me about how it couldn't have hurt to just talk to the kid and explain what I was doing.

It's not my kid. That's not my job.

 

I'm only 25, so people are still assuming that I'll change my mind in a few years. Once I'm older, I'll realise that I want a family. Motherfuckers, I have a family! I've been with my boyfriend, who's 34, for 5 years. We have 2 cats. That's our family. I have a brother, I have a mother and a best friend. These people are my family. 

 

People explain that it's not hard to talk to kids. Just talk to them like people.

Has anyone ever tried this? Like, seriously? You can't. Unless you happen upon a particularly well-versed youth, it's not going to fucking happen. They'll make out a little bit of what I say, get distracted in the middle of the "conversation" and then I'm left wondering why I'm talking to myself.

 

Sorry, I didn't mean to start rambling, but this is a really frustrating issue. Neither my boyfriend or myself want kids. Neither of us have a desire to be around children. They don't fulfill our lives, they don't give us a warm, happy, silly feeling....

He's got some acquaintances from his past, people he used to be a lot closer with, until they started having kids.

He's got one friend in particular who is really outspoken about how wonderful she thinks having children is. She goes on about how, "Anyone without kids can't understand the wonder... This is something every person should experience...." She's also the type of person, who, if SHE likes something, won't be able to understand why someone else might not. 

Even though my boyfriend has explained that NEITHER of us want kids, her response is still, "Well I hope one day you get to experience this..."

I sure as fuck don't. If I got pregnant, it would be unplanned, unexpected and unwanted. Those are not ideal building blocks on which to raise a person. And I wouldn't.

I feel like people often forget that they're shaping future people. Their job as a parent is to raise a functional, decent human being. I'm sure there's fun stuff in between, but that's the main goal otherwise.

 

My brother is about to be 31 and his wife is pregnant with their 1st kid.

Over the years we've talked about kids and he's said that that's something he wants in life. My brother is a very stereotypical American boy when it comes to what he expects out of life and what he thinks life should be like.

Honestly, I never thought that he and his wife would have made it this far. I didn't think they were going to last. But here they are. And now I have such a strange mixture of emotions going through my head that I can't really do anything else but sit back and let the emotions hit me.

I'm not happy that he's going to have a kid, but it's not like I can dictate what he does with his life. I want my brother to be happy and obviously we have different ideas of what happiness is. - I'm sad to be able to see his life ending, in a way. The life as he knows it now will be gone forever and I feel like I'm losing my brother. ----

 

I have a list of reasons why I don't have children. They may seem pretty lame to some people, but I think if you have even 1 reason why you shouldn't have a child, you should listen to yourself.

I USED to want kids when I was a little girl. I mean, that's what I was SUPPOSED to do.... I was a girl, so that meant that I was going to grow up, plan a beautiful wedding (hopefully to a rich doctor) and have lots of kids. 

Shit changes. I realised that wasn't at all what I wanted. That's just what people had been telling me I wanted.

I started to think about why I would actually want kids in the first place. My reasons?

1.) To see what they'd look like,

2.) To name them something cool,

3.) To be a cooler parent than other parents.

Since I could clearly see that those were bullshit reasons, I asked myself what reasons I had to NOT have children...

1.) Overpopulation is out of hand.

2.) Who's to say I'm even going to meet someone?

3.) Kids are mean as fuck. I wouldn't want to send anyone to public school.

4.) I don't make enough money to support a child.

5.) I don't want government help to support a child.

6.) I'm a child of divorce, I wouldn't want my kid to go through that.

7.) I think babies are actually really ugly.

8.) Childbirth is disgustingly brutal and I would never want to go through it.

9.) There are too many kids already alive without a home.

10.) I would probably hurt my kids.

When I saw that my CONS list was able to keep on growing, I decided that having children was something that perhaps I should consider a liiiiiiittle more seriously.

 

I don't expect to change anyone's mind about having kids, I don't know why they can't have the same respect for me.

Why wouldn't they trust a person when they say something that serious. Having a child is a huge life changing event.

A lot of times I assume that other people assume that I just don't want a kid because I like to party or something. Sorry dudes. The fact that I don't have a kid already is proof that I DON'T like to party. :-p

 

I'm going to stop... This is an endless subject. But thanks for your post. It always feels better to vent.

Permalink Reply by Hollyn on January 5, 2011 at 4:28pm

Patience is key, but I'm not quite there yet. I figure with my brother's kid I'll have that opportunity. Maybe.

On the plus side, I live 700 miles away from my brother and his family, so it's not like it's going to be this huge addition to my life. I moved away 2 years ago and it's sucked being away. My boyfriend and I would go hang out with him and we'd play video games, it was good times, and I miss his dogs, my furry nieces. But I moved on with my life and he's moved on with his. My life changing event was moving to a different state. His life changing event is having this kid.

I've joked with him recently saying, "Damn it, man... you realise you've effectively set me up to LIKE a child?"

I'm absolutely going to give this kid every chance in the world and I hope it doesn't turn out to be a little brat.

Honestly though, if I still lived near him, it would be a lot harder. Because him having a kid actually isn't a reason for me to be around him more. It's actually a way to get me to stop coming around. I have an uncle and cousins nearby with infant additions to their family... I will excuse myself from every function as politely as possible, I really don't want to be around children. 

So this will all be very interesting and I'm thankful I'll only have to interact with the kid maybe twice a year.

Some people just know how to deal with kids. Whether it involves threatening the well-being of Barney, or just being able to carry on silly conversations. :)

Permalink Reply by Pamela on March 29, 2011 at 3:30pm

I'm only 25, so people are still assuming that I'll change my mind in a few years. Once I'm older, I'll realise that I want a family.

LOL....yeah, that never gets any better.  At least not until you are actually physically unable to reproduce.  I'm 40 and I still get "Oh, there's still time!" I've actually had woman I work with BEG me to have "just one" kid. Yikes.  I knew I didn't want kids at 16.  Now 40...still don't want them.  I am SOOOOOOO happy with my decision.  My house is quiet, my time is mine.  And children screaming outside while playing sounds like nails on a chalkboard to me.  

I like teasing women who are jealous of my nice flat tummy.  I say: "Sure it's flat...I didn't birth no babies!!"

Permalink Reply by Lois on September 21, 2011 at 11:09pm

People seem to think that children are like some exotic food that you've never tried before. "Oh, just have one bite, you'll love it!" The difference is that if I don't like the food, I don't ever have to eat it again, whereas if I don't like the child, I can't just return him to the store for a refund.  A child is a LIFETIME commitment. It doesn't matter if you decide, after the fact, that having a child was a bad idea. It doesn't matter if the kid interferes with your plans, cramps your style, sucks up your meager income, and is generally a constant reminder of your inability to make sensible decisions. You are STUCK with him. There is no guarantee that you will "grow to love him," as your friends will no doubt tell you. The only reason they tell you to "have just ONE," is because they have put no thought into the responsibilities of having kids. They have bought into the myth that you must have kids to be happy, and that's all that matters to them.

Permalink Reply by Prog Rock Girl on January 6, 2011 at 7:50am

It's understandable, when everyone around you does something you don't, or is interested in something you're not. I used to feel this way a lot when everyone I talked to was in a relationship and I was thoroughly single. I have a decent amount of friends who don't have kids, so I guess I don't feel quite so alone, but probably if I was hanging out with more "mainstream" people it would get annoying.

Permalink Reply by Jen E. on January 6, 2011 at 11:40pm

ty all for your posts on my thread.

 

I am so relieved to find others who think like me somewhat.

 

When I was in high school, I did take a child development class.  I was interested in sex and in how the human body worked and how families worked.

 

That class did help, cause they had us carry an egg and at the end of the week, I got tired of baby "Ferdinand" and buried it in the backyard.  My aunt caught me doing it and I didn't hear the end of it.  She goes, "Would you do that to a real baby, Jencarlene?"

 

I told her, "Of course not, but I would probably pass on the neglect and the boredom and the frustration that you and my mom took out on me when I was a baby."

 

Jencarlene

Permalink Reply by Jen E. on January 13, 2011 at 5:20pm

I have heard of babies beign thrown in dumpsters.

 

Ew.

Permalink Reply by Lois on September 21, 2011 at 11:14pm

Jencarlene is an unusual name. I like it. :o) Were you named after anyone?

Permalink Reply by Jen E. on January 7, 2011 at 11:58am

lol

Permalink Reply by TNT666 on January 11, 2011 at 2:28am

And the people who forcefully push the baby into my arms, ignoring my protests, or press the baby's face onto mine for imposed affection... grrr

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• 2
• Next ›
• Page