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How old were you when you decided childfree was your default?

I was about five when I decided I'd rather raise kittens than children. Before that, I can't remember thinking anything concrete about bearing children. I know I was given dolls to play with, but there came a certain point when I was disappointed with dolls, and definitely wanted books instead.

At about nine, when a relative by marriage commented on how I'd make someone a good wife someday(because I'd baked gingerbread from a box mix), I retorted that I never wanted to get married. Their reaction was as if I'd suddenly sprouted horns, a forked tail, and my breath took on the distinct aroma of brimstone.

How about you?

Tags: childfree

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Roy The Infidel on February 18, 2010 at 4:18am

Not an extra soul for sky daddy to burn in hell or that's how I thought about it then when I was 17 and was still a non-practicing catholic. It wasn't a conscious effort on my part but somehow settling down was way way down on my list. I tried marriage for a year when I was 30 and found out too late I made a foolish decision. I am happily single and childless. I guess that's how it's gonna be. :)

Permalink Reply by Little Name Atheist on February 18, 2010 at 1:54pm

Heh. Happy being very important.

Permalink Reply by Cobbie Tigerpaw on August 4, 2010 at 10:35am

I think I've always wanted to be childless-at least have my own biological children. I'm not against adopting but I doubt I'll ever have the means to do it. I certainly don't want to have kids to pass on some genetics traits of mine-such as depression. I had to deal with it and I would find it cruel to pass it on because it is clearly in the family. I'm 28 now and still don't want kids but I can't get my tubes tied or have any extreme measures taken because ob/gyns refuse to fix me in cause I want kids later. I know I don't. In the meantime I'll just have to stick with the horrid birth control pills and other means.

Permalink Reply by Black Magick Woman on August 8, 2010 at 3:32pm

I believe my road was pretty much set after I watched the childbirth video in child development class when I was 14. Freshman year of high school, and I decided to pick child development (more than likely for an easy A). After watching that video (which looked like a very hairy straw, passing a very heavy melon), I held my stomach, and said...NEVEEEEERRRRRR!!!!!!!

As teen after teen around me started getting pregnant (gotta love the Texas teen pregnancy rates), I clutched my (lack of) social life and said NEEVVERRRR!!!!

When I became an adult and women brought their little brats to college classes, I facepalmed and said...GODDAMNIT!!!

Truthfully, babies annoy the hell out of me, and (most) children belong in a zoo. I'd rather have kittens than ever pop a baby out of my snatch. I may adopt if the (sudden and unlikely) need for a child arises, but I'd want an older child, because I don't wanna deal with diapers and toxic shit. =)

Permalink Reply by DemonHype on August 9, 2010 at 12:45am

Oh, yes. I'm always afraid that even if I had a baby, I might do something horrible when it won't stop crying! If I want kids that bad, I can adopt, and the best part is you can get an older kid who is past all the diaper-changing, screaming-bloody-murder, unable-to-talk-and-tell-you-what's-wrong stage.

I think a lot of girls who want nothing more than to have a baby would often be better off with a chihuahua. A lot of girls with baby rabies just want an adorable little nugget in swaddling clothes to cuddle and coo over, but once it starts getting bigger and talking back they either lose interest or don't know what the hell to do with it--hence the little monsters who plague the world so as their loving mothers ignore them and chat on a cell phone. A chihuahua stays little and dependent and obedient and will always love you and never start talking back, so that might be a better choice for them.

Seriously, my mom didn't want kids, but that's because she had thought it through and understood what kind of responsibility motherhood actually entailed--an understanding so many of the baby-rabies afflicted do not. So when she did end up having kids, she was well-prepared for what would happen.

Permalink Reply by Jo Jerome on August 24, 2010 at 3:13pm

When I became an adult and women brought their little brats to college classes, I facepalmed and said...GODDAMNIT!!!

LOL!!! Do people actually bring them in to class? I've had a couple leave the child out in the lobby to play, read, whatever. But I can see a couple of them actually bringing their demon spawn into the class itself.

Movies are another big one. On the very rare occasion I ever leave in the middle of a film, all but one were because of unruly children. And yes, the parents/guardians were with them.

On the upside though, I recently stood (well, sat on the floor) in line for a movie next to the 'cool aunt' and three kids, maybe between 7 and 11. They were exceptionally well behaved, she and the kids were going over the rules of being quiet in the theatre, she was making sure they'd all gone to the bathroom and "Don't drink too much because you don't want to have to get up and go in the middle of the movie." When they weren't talking movie etiquette she was playing IQ-oriented word games with them and telling them various stories about creation and such (They were all Apache), but also qualifying them as "Very important to our people, but just stories. Here's where the rain really comes from ... here's how the mountains were really made..."

Almost restored my hope in childrearing.

Almost.

Permalink Reply by DemonHype on August 9, 2010 at 12:31am

Don't know if there was a particular age. I had the usual early-childhood "someday I'll make babies" assumption, but it was never attractive to me and didn't really stick once I started getting older and finding out it's not a necessity or a given. I lost interest and lost the assumption by the time I was ten, I think, and at some point in my mid- to late-teens it was official that I knew I didn't ever want kids, but it really wasn't something that I actively decided. More like something I had gradually and unconsciously decided, and it eventually dawned on me that that's how I'd always felt.

Of course, my Barbies and My Little Ponies never once had a tea party or fashion show or any of the usual fare--I played God with my toys! My dolls suffered plagues and famines and waged wars on each other, and at one point there was a shoe-box scaffolding from which the leaders of the losing army were hung. It never occurred to me there was anything strange about this until I grew up and thought back on it. I was a very unusual kid, and bland conventional assumptions of what the world was "supposed to" be like didn't last for long. >:)

Now deciding that I would always work, no matter if I had kids or not, and would never be a stay at home mom? That was when I was a little kid, about seven or eight, and heard my purportedly feminist father--the man who always insisted that "mommy is equal to daddy and shares all the decisions and is no less valuable just because she stays home with the kids"--argue with my mother and tell her "I get up and go to work every single day and make the money and you sit here on your ass, so I'll make the decisions of what happens with that money!" and my normally fierce mother just crumpled with shame before him. And it wasn't the only time I saw that happen. That's when I decided I would never depend entirely on a man for my subsistence and allow him to essentially have the controlling power of guilt and shame, and that was a deliberate and immediate decision.

I think that may have had something to do with the later "no kids at all" decision, though. :)

I'm luckier than some people here, though. My mom never wanted kids and had us to please our father, and she couldn't care less if we give her grandkids either. And my dad, though I think he might enjoy having an adorable little grandbaby, never says a word or hints that we should provide any. I can't imagine how much it must suck to have parents whinging endlessly that you need to make them babies.

Permalink Reply by damian on August 11, 2010 at 8:49pm

I'm not totally sure on the issue. I know that it can't be now, because i don't want to pay, and give up my free time. I have had dreams about a son, but it just didn't pan out that way. Much later when i settle down, slow down, whatever, i may be open to it. There's just so much to do and explore. I also don't think it has to be all or nothing. There are plenty of kids who need guidance, attention, etc. Maybe i can help that way if the situation presents itself. I know that when i was a kid, a couple of people did make a difference in my life by just by being there.

Permalink Reply by anagama on August 11, 2010 at 10:57pm

I, a male, was probably around 16 when I came to the conclusion that I'd never have children. I didn't really think about it before then (this was also about the time I became sexually active). I suppose in some ways I had a fairly sheltered childhood, though it was definitely an unusual one. I had hippie parents, certainly not prudes, but we also lived mostly in sort of remote areas so I was somewhat under-socialized and also lacked the influence of television, so I think I was a bit late in becoming sexually aware ... despite the Joy of Sex being on the bookshelf. I was a lot more into burning stuff. ;-)

Anyway, once I started dating, I just knew kids were not for me in the same way I knew I didn't want to eat worms -- kids seemed so "unnatural". I think most people have kids because the power of lust shorts out their brains, and the truth is, I was just lucky to have not been tagged by that very adaptive (from an evolutionary perspective) aspect of human biology. 35 years later and I never had a second thought, rather, I consider myself insanely lucky compared to my peers. And since being cured of my ability to cause infantile infestations in females -- life just keeps getting better.

Permalink Reply by Allison Rodriguez on August 12, 2010 at 10:59pm

Hey there :) I don't think childfree is my default! I think it's an informed choice for me. I tend to say that if I won the lotto, sure I'd have kids! But then, that's somewhat tongue in cheek ;) I've seen my younger sister raise kids. I've come to the conclusion that it can be rewarding but most of the time, it is very HARD. I don't want to give the impression that I'm running away from something that's difficult. I've done other difficult things like work at jobs I didn't like, complete college and maintain my marriage. But, in this case, whether I am good at it or not will effect another person, someone I know I will love a lot, for the rest of their life. I've evaluated my suitability for the job and I just don't think I'm up to it. So, regardless of how much I love kids or want to be a mom, I don't think I'd be a good one. This has been difficult for people to understand. But I'm 34, I know myself pretty well and I think I know what I am capable of. So, maybe I'm childfree not by default but just as a result of life experience?
thanks for listening,
Allison

Permalink Reply by Jo Jerome on August 24, 2010 at 3:06pm

Adding to my original reply...

I also see the gross overpopulation of this planet and see no need to contribute. In fact, my gift to this planet is that I'm not producing another mouth to feed.

Permalink Reply by Cobbie Tigerpaw on August 24, 2010 at 3:15pm

yeah I love it how so-called "tree huggers" and environmental advocates always seem to have a bundle of kids around. Having another person on this Earth to take up resources is NOT environmentally friendly.