I have heard this from people who have children. I am too nice to say what's on my mind, but it is this: "If you don't like having children, then WHY THE HELL DID YOU HAVE THEM?? Isn't this something you should have thought about before getting pregnant?" I just don't understand this mentality.
Okay, maybe the first kid was a mistake. Mistakes happen, and for whatever reasons, abortion or putting the baby up for adoption are not options. But why would they then go on to have MORE children?? Surely, the first child was enough to convince them that having kids was a stupid idea. What did they hope to accomplish by having yet another child that they didn't really want? Is it just that some women are miserable and looking for fulfillment from some outside source? A sort of "THIS baby will love me and make me happy" kind of thought process? I really don't get it.
Thank you. Here's another grim tale:
When I was on tour with a show back in the late 1950s, there was one city we played every year where there was a group of the same 7 or 8 very frail-looking kids in wheelchairs in the front row every night.
I was dating one of the usher/guards, and I asked him what the story was...get this, it's appalling. The parents were first cousins who were counselled not to marry, but they insisted, and got permission from the Church (Catholic, of course). They also knew that they were both carrying the gene for Muscular Dystrophy, and were counselled not to have children. Ever.
So they had that huge brood, hoping for just one healthy child. Didn't happen. They were not financially able to care for the kids on their own, so the city kind of "adopted" the whole family, and gave the kids simple make-work jobs that didn't require any strength. They got to see all the shows that came to town because one of their "jobs" was to sort and count the ticket stubs so the accountants could be sure that the receipts balanced.
Pathetic. And of course each child got sicker and sicker, and each one died...usually in adolescence.
I stayed in touch with my "boyfriend" in that town for years after I left the show, and he told me when each child died. I never said this to him, because he was Catholic, too, just not very serious about it, but my main thought about the whole thing was, "I hope the effing pope is happy. More fodder for Heaven or Purgatory."
How could someone DO that to innocent children? How could they keep popping out babies that they knew would not survive? Is that child abuse? Aifinkso.
That's not surprising. For us, we know this is the only life they'll get--and it'll be full of suffering and hospital visits.
For them, they're convinced that in heaven all 8 kids will get full bodies and pretty wings, etc...a nice thought, but....we just see them suffering and two people being extremely stupid. I also wonder how those 8 kids felt, knowing that they were just "mistakes" and the couple was more concerned with getting one healthy kid, even if they all died, the parents didn't care about them--I don't know if it would have been worse if they had one health kid--and then showed all their love and attention to that one child, the one child they actually wanted...
My dad wanted a boy too--it's one reason why he's made his disdain for me and my sister so obvious--he's called her a whore to her face several times. Me he's paranoid that I might be gay--because I've not had a boyfriend yet that I've introduced to him.
Of course, he blamed my mom for not producing a boy but she didn't know UNTIL SHE WAS 30 that the Y chromosome comes from the male--and thus it was his fault for not having a boy.
To further pee in my dad's face, my sister and I are both 'ugly' by his own admonission(but my sister is 'prettier' than me) and we're both highly boyish in our own ways. My sister likes cars, and I like computers, gardening, fixing things, woodworking, bookbinding--I don't fix my hair or wear makeup--but I do wear dresses, which no one around here does--I've actually been told by him before "put on some shorts, you look like a freak!" when I wore a summery dress.
I do hate sports, though.
My dad -did- try the tomcatting thing--he looked up some woman online and thought he was going to leave and move in with her--of course he didn't tell my mom he was cheating or that he had a problem with their marriage and he gave my mother a major infection--that's how she found out he was cheating on her. I was never told what it was. Of course, my mom felt trapped--she begged him to come back to her, and he eventually lost interest in the new woman when she wanted lots of money. This happened on my 13th birthday. We didn't even do anything for my birthday that year due to this. All the churches around here encouraged my mom to apologize to my dad for 'being a bad wife'.
RAGE. And then, I've also been told "the only reason I'm [still married to him/her] is because of you kids." Gee, thanks mom and dad, for blaming me for your unhappiness.
There was also a guy I crushed on once--in like, 6th grade, and when we graduated in 2007 he'd already gotten a girl pregnant, and since it's a small town and he'd dated her before--he went ahead and married her. Last time I saw them was at a football game dad made me attend freshman year. He didn't seem happy as a father. He was mostly there to relive his glory days as a football player.
ahhh, small towns in the bible belt.
My sister wants to have a baby right now--My mother and I are actively trying to talk her out of it because she thinks a child will be great and give her attention and love her unconditionally--just like the cat she abandoned when she left home, that she never fed or cleaned it's litterbox--like the dog she rescued and then just locked away in a pen all day long--I mean, if you point these out to her she always claims "it'll be different with a baby" but it WON'T--after it's not getting attention for her and it's screaming at 2am for cookies--she won't want to take care of it anymore.
and I think that's exactly what it is. It's a selfish need to fulfill some sort of empty hole because they feel unloved or unfulfilled in their life, and they think "maybe THIS kid will make me feel accomplished" when the previous two kids are only half-dressed in dirty clothes every day, clearly the 3rd try will be the charm, rather than putting effort into the children they've already had and you know, bringing them to the library or something else--she just expects one of them to be magically born a genius when all she puts on the tv is MTV....
I really hope my sister doesn't have a kid. She can barely take care of herself, and she pawned off her wii the other day for more makeup--then was whining about mom not giving her more money for her own apartment(she left home a few months ago--in a rush, to live with a guy she'd only been dating 2 months--now she wants a kid). She's still 14, I'd say--at least inwardly, but she'll be 21 this year. I honestly hope she grows up soon otherwise she's going to learn a hard and stupid lesson about self-sufficiency.
Yeah, that's precisely why my mom and I are working so hard to convince her that it's a reaally really bad idea to get a cat or have a baby right now--my sister can barely take care of herself, she didn't take care of Goob(inside cat) when she claimed him as hers--why would a baby be any different?
I remember having to play with Goob while she was on the phone and ignored him so he'd get some exercise in--I would clean his litterbox, feed him, pet him, show him attention and care--and he's a good cat, but she's taught him to attack hands and used to do mean things like trap him under baskets and sheets, then leave him there. Ugh. I'm slowly breaking him of the habit of attacking bare skin, and he has started sleeping on my bed at night.
I loathe people like that. My dad's step-mother used to make me sit on the floor of her house(at 16!) "because children are dirty" but the Pomeranian she had would drag it's butt on the couch.
She wanted to take Goob with her, but mom put her foot down--We can't trust my sister to take care of him or run out after him if he escapes from the house(he has a bad habit of dashing out of the house to 'explore')--on top of her previous horrible track record with caring for animals.
Oh yeah, he's also one of the cats who CANNOT STAND having anything on him. I'm slowly getting him used to having a cat harness on, in case we ever have to travel with him for long periods, or we need to put it on him for an emergency or something--he doesn't like it, but my sister would do stuff like buy dog sweaters and costumes and crap and put them on him just to see him get angry and frustrated--I'd always take them off him immediately. It's utterly cruel--the harness has a specific purpose, to keep him safe without having to keep him cooped up in a cat carrier, the sweaters and costumes are just cruel.
My sibling spent $500 on a stray cat who ran away the next day and dresses the kids from garage sales and thrifts. They are not broke! They are part of the top 2%. Plus, she seldom gives the kids a bath... Yuck!
You're sister sounds really mean and abusive to her cat. My cats are nudists and strictly indoors. I can imagine how much that cat hates her. Cats hate everything she does.
<mega-facepalm> How hard is it to run a bath and supervise? NOT VERY.
And yeah, she is. My mom said after my sister left "do you think Goob will miss her?" I said "She would trap him under the sheets whenever he wanted to be petted, she put him in paralytic costumes, and never fed him or cleaned his litterbox---I highly doubt he'll miss her." And sure enough, like 3 weeks later when she came home to get money from mom---he still slept on my bed, and he completely ignored her. Cats remember people who were shitty to them. Some friends had a cat once that liked to play fetch--whenever I came over to visit--fetch time! Because he knew I would play with him as long as he wanted.
People like her should take a parenting class to see what it's REALLY like to have a baby. You know, one where they have to carry around one of those dolls that cries at random times and they have to try and calm it. A baby is not a lapdog that will devote itself to you even if you neglect it; it's a human being with physical, educational, and emotional needs. But parents seem to think that their cute little baby will stay cute and little forever, and they can just tote the kid around like a tiny purse dog to show off to everyone.
What is your sister going to do when the baby keeps her awake for three days straight with colic, or gets sick with vomiting and diarrhea, or cries every couple of hours to be fed? What about when the child grows older and requires increasing amounts of attention, becomes rebellious from time to time, and generally doesn't behave like a loyal little dog anymore? I doubt she has put any thought into that at all. She should think about what SHE was like as a child, then ask herself if she wants to raise one just like that! X>}