I have heard this from people who have children. I am too nice to say what's on my mind, but it is this: "If you don't like having children, then WHY THE HELL DID YOU HAVE THEM?? Isn't this something you should have thought about before getting pregnant?" I just don't understand this mentality.
Okay, maybe the first kid was a mistake. Mistakes happen, and for whatever reasons, abortion or putting the baby up for adoption are not options. But why would they then go on to have MORE children?? Surely, the first child was enough to convince them that having kids was a stupid idea. What did they hope to accomplish by having yet another child that they didn't really want? Is it just that some women are miserable and looking for fulfillment from some outside source? A sort of "THIS baby will love me and make me happy" kind of thought process? I really don't get it.
Didn't the Federal Government stop, or cut back, on the Aid For Dependent Children program during the Cheney Administration? Part of turning feeding the genuinely hungry over to "faith-based" programs. In other words, the faith-based grants have been spent on proselytizing, not feeding.
I have no children, but I do fall below the "poverty line," so I qualify for the local food bank. This is a fairly good-sized town, with several large parks with rooms for meetings, etc., and other public meeting places, so where did they hand out the high-carb, inedible food? At the Starvation Army headquarters...and while we were waiting for our numbers to be called, a couple of uniformed "Army" members wandered around, handing out their propaganda magazines.
The second time I went, I wore my FFRF "Imagine No Religion" T-shirt. But since the food they handed out was largely useless (white rice, corn flakes, prune [ew!!!] juice, canned milk, powdered milk...ick!) in my case (I'm mildly lactose intolerant and have type 2 diabetes), I stopped going. Wasted whole mornings both times.
If I could have found a "welfare mom" to give those two bags of worthless (to me) stuff to, I would have been happy to do so.
Yeah....that was when the neocons took out their "Contract on America," and pushed through what they called "Welfare Reform." Clinton could have vetoed it, but he sometimes had the same problem that Obama does; he thought he could compromise with people who wanted to cut his throat.
(I also think both Clintons were/are under the influence of The Family Fellowship, but I don't know to what degree exactly. Mrs. Clinton wrote about her gratitude for the support of her "prayer partners" ("prare podnuhs") during the impeachment show trial. Buybull-thumping SOBs.)
DUMP it? WHERE? On her parents? So they could scroo it up the way they did their daughter? Or into foster care, which can sometimes be more abusive than the original situation.
I heard these kind of horror stories when I was going to an ACA group. I finally had a bellyfull of the god-talk and quit, but I do think it helped me get over myself, in a way. One more instance of finding out I wasn't alone.
I grew up in an era when high school students "had to get" married when the girl got pregnant. That happened to one of my closest friends, and the wedding felt more like a funeral. Her first daughter was born the September after our class graduated. She had 3 more daughters after that, and when I asked her "WHY???!" the answer was always, "[husband] wants a boy."
He finally divorced her, and tom-catted around in a Stingray, looking for a trophy wife. (He was tom-catting around the whole time they were married, he just couldn't afford a Stingray. SHE refused to accept alimony...she didn't want to have anything more to do with him, nor did the daughters.)
I was terribly naive; I thought when The Pill became available that there would be no more pregnant brides, and no more...or fewer...abortions. And no more unwanted, hungry, abused children. Boy, was I wrong!
WTFis the matter with people, anyway?
Thank you. Here's another grim tale:
When I was on tour with a show back in the late 1950s, there was one city we played every year where there was a group of the same 7 or 8 very frail-looking kids in wheelchairs in the front row every night.
I was dating one of the usher/guards, and I asked him what the story was...get this, it's appalling. The parents were first cousins who were counselled not to marry, but they insisted, and got permission from the Church (Catholic, of course). They also knew that they were both carrying the gene for Muscular Dystrophy, and were counselled not to have children. Ever.
So they had that huge brood, hoping for just one healthy child. Didn't happen. They were not financially able to care for the kids on their own, so the city kind of "adopted" the whole family, and gave the kids simple make-work jobs that didn't require any strength. They got to see all the shows that came to town because one of their "jobs" was to sort and count the ticket stubs so the accountants could be sure that the receipts balanced.
Pathetic. And of course each child got sicker and sicker, and each one died...usually in adolescence.
I stayed in touch with my "boyfriend" in that town for years after I left the show, and he told me when each child died. I never said this to him, because he was Catholic, too, just not very serious about it, but my main thought about the whole thing was, "I hope the effing pope is happy. More fodder for Heaven or Purgatory."
How could someone DO that to innocent children? How could they keep popping out babies that they knew would not survive? Is that child abuse? Aifinkso.
That's not surprising. For us, we know this is the only life they'll get--and it'll be full of suffering and hospital visits.
For them, they're convinced that in heaven all 8 kids will get full bodies and pretty wings, etc...a nice thought, but....we just see them suffering and two people being extremely stupid. I also wonder how those 8 kids felt, knowing that they were just "mistakes" and the couple was more concerned with getting one healthy kid, even if they all died, the parents didn't care about them--I don't know if it would have been worse if they had one health kid--and then showed all their love and attention to that one child, the one child they actually wanted...
My dad wanted a boy too--it's one reason why he's made his disdain for me and my sister so obvious--he's called her a whore to her face several times. Me he's paranoid that I might be gay--because I've not had a boyfriend yet that I've introduced to him.
Of course, he blamed my mom for not producing a boy but she didn't know UNTIL SHE WAS 30 that the Y chromosome comes from the male--and thus it was his fault for not having a boy.
To further pee in my dad's face, my sister and I are both 'ugly' by his own admonission(but my sister is 'prettier' than me) and we're both highly boyish in our own ways. My sister likes cars, and I like computers, gardening, fixing things, woodworking, bookbinding--I don't fix my hair or wear makeup--but I do wear dresses, which no one around here does--I've actually been told by him before "put on some shorts, you look like a freak!" when I wore a summery dress.
I do hate sports, though.
My dad -did- try the tomcatting thing--he looked up some woman online and thought he was going to leave and move in with her--of course he didn't tell my mom he was cheating or that he had a problem with their marriage and he gave my mother a major infection--that's how she found out he was cheating on her. I was never told what it was. Of course, my mom felt trapped--she begged him to come back to her, and he eventually lost interest in the new woman when she wanted lots of money. This happened on my 13th birthday. We didn't even do anything for my birthday that year due to this. All the churches around here encouraged my mom to apologize to my dad for 'being a bad wife'.
RAGE. And then, I've also been told "the only reason I'm [still married to him/her] is because of you kids." Gee, thanks mom and dad, for blaming me for your unhappiness.
There was also a guy I crushed on once--in like, 6th grade, and when we graduated in 2007 he'd already gotten a girl pregnant, and since it's a small town and he'd dated her before--he went ahead and married her. Last time I saw them was at a football game dad made me attend freshman year. He didn't seem happy as a father. He was mostly there to relive his glory days as a football player.
ahhh, small towns in the bible belt.
My sister wants to have a baby right now--My mother and I are actively trying to talk her out of it because she thinks a child will be great and give her attention and love her unconditionally--just like the cat she abandoned when she left home, that she never fed or cleaned it's litterbox--like the dog she rescued and then just locked away in a pen all day long--I mean, if you point these out to her she always claims "it'll be different with a baby" but it WON'T--after it's not getting attention for her and it's screaming at 2am for cookies--she won't want to take care of it anymore.
and I think that's exactly what it is. It's a selfish need to fulfill some sort of empty hole because they feel unloved or unfulfilled in their life, and they think "maybe THIS kid will make me feel accomplished" when the previous two kids are only half-dressed in dirty clothes every day, clearly the 3rd try will be the charm, rather than putting effort into the children they've already had and you know, bringing them to the library or something else--she just expects one of them to be magically born a genius when all she puts on the tv is MTV....
I really hope my sister doesn't have a kid. She can barely take care of herself, and she pawned off her wii the other day for more makeup--then was whining about mom not giving her more money for her own apartment(she left home a few months ago--in a rush, to live with a guy she'd only been dating 2 months--now she wants a kid). She's still 14, I'd say--at least inwardly, but she'll be 21 this year. I honestly hope she grows up soon otherwise she's going to learn a hard and stupid lesson about self-sufficiency.