Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Pariahjane on July 23, 2008 at 12:54pm

I don't want kids for similar selfish reasons. I don't want the responsibility nor am I particularly willing to make the sacrifice to have a child. Plus, I don't see any reason to have a child. 1) There are plenty of children out there, including those that could use a parent or two, 2) this world is pretty fucked up and I don't want to bring some kid into it right now, 3) I just really am not interested in having children.

That being said (here it comes) I do like children. A few of my friends have kids and their kids are great and fun and nice. They are not like the children I usually see who are demanding, spoiled and ill behaved. Parenting is the issue here and I understand it's not the child's fault but that doesn't make it any less annoying when a child decides to wipe their ice cream covered hands on a $200.00 dress while I was walking through a market.

It is exhausting when people insist that I'll change my mind. Perhaps, but I seriously doubt it. At 30 the clock hasn't started ticking and I doubt it will. Equally annoying is when women tell me a) I have an emotional problem b/c I don't want kids, b) I am a terrible woman for not wanting kids, c) It is a duty to have children, etc. etc.

My favorite argument for having children is - 'if you don't have kids who will take care of you when you're older?' WTF?! This is an emotional plea. There is no guarantee that your children will take care of you when you are drooling in your lap. And anyway, isn't that kind of a shitty, selfish reason for having kids? I'd rather spend my youth traveling, vacationing, taking classes in art, writing and spending time with my friends and family than running after some entirely dependent person for the next 20+ years in hopes that that person will take care of me in my last 20.

If I suddenly do change my mind and want children I think I would adopt. No sense in making more babies when you can give a kid a pretty damn good life that he/she would otherwise not have.

Permalink Reply by Madeline (Brigit) on July 24, 2008 at 12:09pm

rAmen! I actually do like kids, my toddler and baby cousins and my creative niece are pretty cool kids. But seriously, I just want to interact with them for a while and then get on with my business. I love seeing how they respond to their environment and I love showing them how things work... so I do science outreach.
Being responsible for 3 non-human mammals is enough responsibility for me. Trying to raised a well-adjusted, empathetic, ethical human being in this fucked up world is simply something I would rather not do.
Also, clock SO not ticking. lol, I think it started surrogate ticking in my grandma though- lady just keeps asking for a great-grandkid.

Permalink Reply by Mark on July 24, 2008 at 7:46pm

Seems the way with most grandparents. I know some of my friends' families are more keen for them to have kids than the potential parents are!

And of course when my brother's child was born a lot of my relatives asked me when it was my turn...

Permalink Reply by Prog Rock Girl on October 17, 2010 at 9:20pm

There is no guarantee that your offspring will take care of you when you're old. Plenty of people have kids that ended up moving to the other side of the country, or ended up with disabled kids who they end up taking care of into their old age, or kids that die before them, or kids that are too into their own careers or just don't get along with them. I work with old people right now and even the ones who do live with their sons/daughters still do hire caretakers.

I've so far met 2 old people who don't have kids. One was a man who told me I "better" have kids, so I wouldn't end up all alone when I'm old like him. The other was a lady who told me it's better that way; kids are too much work.

Permalink Reply by Mark on July 24, 2008 at 7:43pm

Firstly I don't explicitly not want kids, but I don't have any intention of having them and would also prefer any future partners feel the same. However, I can imagine changing my mind under very specific circumstances.

My main reasons for not wanting kids are twofold:

1) I don't feel any desire to have kids of my own, and I have no reason to believe that if I did have any at this point in time, that I'd give them all the love and attention they'd deserve (and need).

2) Aside from the love and emotional support that having a family brings, another important (though not commonly acknowledged) reason for having children is to ensure one's genes propagate (and in a larger sense, the species does too). I don't feel that's at all necessary any more. It's been a long time since biological evolutionary forces have had a significant impact on our development. These days cultural forces contribute to most of the change in our world.

People often say they want kids to be their legacy. I want my legacy to be larger than that. I could do my best to bring up one or two kids really well, or I could try to educate everyone I come into contact with. And sure, I could still do that if I had kids, but that's not a good reason for having kids, at least not for me.

Permalink Reply by Neece on July 25, 2008 at 12:25pm

Mark, I agree that I want to educate everyone I come in contact with. Well said!

Permalink Reply by Hessenroots on July 25, 2008 at 1:32am

I don't even feel the need to date or have a 'traditional' relationship, much less reproduce. It's not really a selfish thing, overall I simply don't feel the need for it. This will probably rehash some points other people have made:

1. I honestly don't like kids. I've met some great ones that will probably turn out to be amazing people but overall we just don't get along. I know plenty of people with them so if I feel the need to be around little humans I'll just use theirs.

2. I agree with the points being made about the world having more then enough children already. If I did decide to raise a little person I would most certainly adopt. There's probably some really good ones to pick from (it's like picking a melon at the market, isn't it?)

3. I have herpes. I refuse to have sex with anyone whom doesn't (that becomes extremely limiting, let me tell you) and I don't believe it would be fair at all to bring a child into the world knowing that there's a chance it could pass on. The likelihood of transmission is slim but it just doesn't seem fair to risk it. "happy birthday, here's your STD!"...no thanks, don't need that guilt trip for the rest of my life.

Permalink Reply by Prog Rock Girl on October 17, 2010 at 9:30pm

Yeah, kids already rag on their parents for heredity-related imperfections. My brothers: "Mom, why'd you have us when there are manic-depressives/diabetics/your 2 weirdo brothers?" I can imagine the angry teenage years if it was a contagious illness. I've seen that some people with HIV try to have children, which seems pretty wrong to me.

Permalink Reply by Neece on July 25, 2008 at 12:21pm

Kids? No thanks. I'm too selfish, not to mention I don't want that kind of responsibility.
I think if you want to have kids, it's the most important thing that you will ever do and you must take it very seriously. I don't want that for myself. I also don't agree with how kids are raised these days, so that wouldn't go over well either.
My kid would always be in the principal's office for standing up for herself/himself, or for telling bible thumpers what moronic sheeple they are.
I don't need to pass on my screwed up DNA just to feel special in this world. I also don't have a gaping hole in my heart that can only be filled with a screaming, poopy, pissy, pukey baby. Which then grows up to resent me and give me all kinds of grief. No thank you.
I'll stick to my selfish ways, and if you have kids and want to share your misery with me by telling me I should pop one out too, be warned, I'll tell you how selfish YOU are for having a kid for all the wrong reasons!

Permalink Reply by astrodweeb on July 25, 2008 at 11:51pm

I don't know if i really count, as i do have a child. She was unplanned, I love her, etc. etc. etc. i still got fixed at age 22, which was unheard of back then. So yes, i love my daughter more than anything, but i wasn't going to make the same mistake twice. She is now 19 and don't you know, I still have people asking me if she'll get a sibling while i still have time? Like I'm just going to squeeze out a child to beat the clock? Anyway...

My daughter is an atheist (at least she followed in my footsteps in one thing), and does not want any part of traditional relationships and absolutely does not want kids. I couldn't be prouder of her.

I'm frustrated by friends, family, acquaintances, and even eavesdropping strangers giving me the "she'll realize she isn't fulfilled" and "she's young, this is a phase" or even worse, "she'll meet someone special and everything will change" speech. Bullshit. She is not Baby Maker or Wife. She is Elizabeth and she is a complete person.

As for my grandchildren? I hope not. And all my reasons are the same as the ones aptly listed previous to this.

Permalink Reply by astrodweeb on July 25, 2008 at 11:57pm

p.s. has anybody watched the movie Idiocracy? It's a silly commentary about stupid people continuing to breed while more intelligent people do not, causing the intelligence level of our society to drop. Basically, we end up a walmart/costco nation of idiots! So funny.

Permalink Reply by LaRae Meadows on July 26, 2008 at 3:38am

The movie Idiocracy is the only argument for me to have children I've ever taken to heart and actually considered. I don't think I should have children because of my up ringing but we should take the time to consider that religious people and other forms of moron all breed enough to make sure we are a minority. Maybe if atheists had little atheist spawn, it might change things by increasing our numbers.

I say all that and am not having any children. Hmm.

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