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Funny/despicable religious quotes

I am writing a book promoting the atheist/freethinker/bright worldview and seek your help. One chapter is dedicated to revealing religious quotes. Three examples:

"No, I don't know that atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered as patriots. This is one nation under God."
George H.W. Bush

"Whatever the natural cause, sin is the true cause of all earthquakes."
John Wesley (1703-1791)

"To assert that the earth revolves around the sun is as erroneous as to claim that Jesus was not born of a virgin."
“Saint” Robert Cardinal Bellarmine (1542-1621), at the trial of Galileo.

Would you be kind enough to share some of your favorites with me? I would really appreciate it.

Tags: atheism, quotations, religion

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Trance Gemini on August 7, 2009 at 7:27pm

I'm not sure if the following is exactly what you're looking for but they are enlightening nonetheless.

"Secular schools can never be tolerated because such schools have no religious instruction, and a general moral instruction without a religious foundation is built on air; consequently, all character training and religion must be derived from faith ...we need believing people."

-- Adolf Hitler, April 26, 1933, speech made during negotiations leading to the Nazi-Vatican Concordant

" We were convinced that the people need and require this faith. We have therefore undertaken the fight against the atheistic movement, and that not merely with a few theoretical declarations: we have stamped it out."

-- Adolf Hitler, Speech in Berlin, October 24, 1933

Permalink Reply by Eric Paoletti on August 8, 2009 at 5:09pm

Read " A purpose driven life" you'll find all you need for ridiculous quotes lol. Go to any fundi. church in your area and ask them for some good reads. You could also start quoting yahweh himself, since afterall he is the ultimate christian.

Permalink Reply by Gaz Sharman on September 8, 2009 at 1:04am

Mr. Warren`s book provided me an amusing evening read. Very funny.

Permalink Reply by Trance Gemini on August 8, 2009 at 7:27pm

This site also has some very juicy ones ;-).

Evil Bible dot com

and this one:

Skeptics Annotated Bible/Quran/Book Of Mormon

Have fun with these. Lol.

Permalink Reply by John "Jack" Kolinski on August 12, 2009 at 11:54am

Thanks. I'll take a look!

Permalink Reply by Mihai on September 7, 2009 at 9:15am

Try this one too: http://funbible.blogspot.com/

Permalink Reply by Gaz Sharman on September 8, 2009 at 1:05am

I really liked FN`s God is dead one. Or God died the day Darwin published. I think the latter was Prof.Dawkins

Permalink Reply by John "Jack" Kolinski on September 8, 2009 at 10:38am

Thank you, Jacqueline! Those are AWESOME. I do not believe all religous people are completely brainless, but I do believe "Godless or Brainless?" would be an excellent title for an Atheist Manifesto. So many cool titles floating around my brain, so little time available to write the books that nobody will ever read. Thanks again for your contribution.

Permalink Reply by D.O.S on October 10, 2009 at 9:39pm

If you're looking for interesting quotes that show how ignorant and hostile the religious right or conservatives in general are I recommend you get a copy of Bruce J. Miller's Take Them At Their Words: Shocking, Amusing, and Baffling Quotations from the G.O.P. and Their Friends, 1994-2004. It's pretty good and rather horrifying.

Permalink Reply by John "Jack" Kolinski on October 10, 2009 at 10:41pm

Thank you! I will.

Permalink Reply by D.O.S on October 10, 2009 at 9:56pm

Here's an interesting from a lesser know Seattle based Pastor, Mark Driscoll:

"After church tonight you will go home and you will eat chicken, not human, because of the spread of Christianity...go to a country where there hasn't been the spread of Christianity and they're having human for dinner."

Apparently, if you're not Christian you are automatically a cannibal. Isn't Christianity somewhat cannibalistic? Aren't Christians suppose to eat the "body and blood of Christ"?

I came across that gem in Robert Lanham's The Sinner's guide to the Evangelical Right. It's a pretty good read.

Permalink Reply by John "Jack" Kolinski on November 4, 2009 at 10:13pm

To D>O>S>:
Sorry for not replying sooner and thank you for the quote. I used to be offended when people would throw out the RCC "eating Jesus body and blood" thing, but it is what it is. Part of a thousands year old "blood myth" requiring "blood sacrifice." Is there ANYTHING comparable to religion where, once you break its spell, you look back and say,"How could I possibly have been so gullible?" I try to remember we were all brain-washed and by people who loved us deeply, but it is still hard to accept I didn't bust out at least ten or more years before I did. Kind regards.