Why Do We Live in a World Petrified of Women Who Love Sex?

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Dogly on March 15, 2012 at 9:27am

If I yell out, "Look at that slut!", in a crowded room, it won't matter who I am.  Some women will feel hurt.  I say words have power of their own.  Anonymous slurs printed on a billboard would be an example.  But, you've made me very curious, Mildred, in what context are racist slurs OK?

Over the years, Japanese, Chinese, and Vietnamese friends have told me that they hate being called, "oriental".  They prefer the term, "asian".  When white and black friends call someone an oriental, I tell them what I learned.  I've noticed that these friends still persist in referring to people as oriental, anyway.  

Arguing that the user of the word means no harm, is beside the point.  Atheist men at this site, especially in the singles groups' forums, complain that there are too few women here.  Yet, when women write about the sexism of atheist men, which has driven them away, we are ignored, told to "get over it".  We are told that our concerns are trivial and we should focus on atheism.  

In the hope that every atheist man here finds a loving atheist woman, or three, may I boldly recommend:

Gentleman,

Do not call us whores, bitches, sluts, or cunts. Don't call any other women such names either.

Listen to what we say, don't jump to making excuses.

Refute publicly what other men say, if it is sexist.

Stick up for our rights in the political arena.

Permalink Reply by Brother Eduardo on March 15, 2012 at 11:56am

While thinking about this conversation late last night, I realize I may have misspoken in my previous post. I've never actually "called" my sweetheart a whore (or any other woman, for that matter). Instead, she told me during an intimate moment that she wanted to be my whore, which to me was one of the most intimate and loving things that's ever been whispered into my ear.

American men, by the way, have it exactly backwards. Many heap shame and derision upon a woman who likes a lot of sex, calling her a whore or slut. In my time in Australia, I noted that Aussie men don't do that. Instead, they heap shame and derision upon women who don't like sex, calling them professional virgins, mother mary's, and other such names. Frankly, I don't see the need to heap shame and derision on anybody. Instead, I like to surround myself with the kind of people I like. So naturally, most of my women friends (and male friends, too) are lusty, fun-loving people who use four-letter words when they're called for, and don't harbor shame about their sex lives.

Permalink Reply by Ruth Anthony-Gardner on March 15, 2012 at 1:33pm

Bravo! I agree wholeheartedly, Dogly.

You sound most enlightened of all.

Words do have power of their own, which context can slightly mask.

One of the things I hate is when men use verbal violence in humor or as a "cute endearing nickname" against women, or people of one race do this toward another. They claim benign intent, but it's still verbal violence, just disguised, so victims who object sound like the bad guy. In particular, in intimate settings when victims have their defenses down and are at their most vulnerable, to use hate language as an alleged endearment is a manipulative act that encourages the victim to internalize that self-loathing in order to please the perpetrator. To me this is a deep violation of trust, essentially abusive. The perpetrator, of course disclaims all such intent. It's inauthentic, mean, and controlling. While claiming to care, at some deep level the abuser gets ego satisfaction at the expense of the victim's self worth.

Permalink Reply by Dogly on March 15, 2012 at 3:13pm

Thanks, Ruth.  To me the test of benignity comes after someone is told that a name he or she called someone is insulting.  Does that person continue using the hurtful name? 

Permalink Reply by Brother Eduardo on March 17, 2012 at 9:28am

NAME CALLING, in general, is stupid, immature, and usually counter productive. The whole idea of applying Labels to people and then using those labels in a pejorative or derogatory manner is less than civilized. Period. But from another viewpoint, allowing yourself to be affected by name calling is a weakness that makes you vulnerable to the barbarians among us. That vulnerability also lets other people control your mental state and your behavior. I would rather not be vulnerable in that way.

So, if somebody says, "Eduardo, you're a stupid fascist communist sympathizer," which is one of the worse insults I can imagine, I just smile at that person and say, "Why do you feel that way?"

If I were a woman and somebody called me a whore, I would say, "I can be if I want to. But you'll never get that lucky."

Permalink Reply by TNT666 on April 29, 2012 at 9:05pm

oh boy, such things are as ridiculous as Westerners complaining about being called Westerners!

In fact there is nothing more appropriately neutral than using natural geography instead of politics and skin colour to designate people.

Permalink Reply by Ruth Anthony-Gardner on March 15, 2012 at 1:18pm

Mildred you have an even better point!

...no victim should ever have to reclaim any word used to degrade him or her in the past.

Permalink Reply by Ruth Anthony-Gardner on March 15, 2012 at 1:16pm

Point taken. But as language users, don't men get to use a word with a new meaning instead of having to continue using a meaning which includes insult? I would have been happier if Brother Eduardo had given up the word "whore" entirely in labeling women. He meant well.

Permalink Reply by Ruth Anthony-Gardner on March 13, 2012 at 11:19pm

DNA testing kit. 2 day results. (random sample of links, not an endorsement)

Available at many pharmacies.

Permalink Reply by Ruth Anthony-Gardner on March 15, 2012 at 12:23am

You could always hedge your bets and do two different paternity tests from two different companies, or even three. What would it take for you to accept test results?

Permalink Reply by TNT666 on April 29, 2012 at 9:10pm

I don't think DNA tests done in the home can be trustworthy... how to guarantee non contamination??? This appears to be nothing more than a cause of much potential grief!

Permalink Reply by TNT666 on April 29, 2012 at 9:08pm

But such ridiculousness as marriage only happens in the human world. In nature, apparently 'monogamous' animals in fact consistently demonstrate multiple paternity. Only humans are so power hungry as to need paper contracts to attempt to guarantee paternity. Marriages as we know them have only existed for a very short part of human history.

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