I was expecting the first time - based on horror stories from my mom, aunts and other trusted adult women - to be excruciatingly painful, both physically and emotionally. I thought that I would soak the sheets in blood, cry after he was done, and then waddle around for a week afterwards. In reality there was no blood, no pain. In fact, it was mildly pleasurable (though certainly not orgasmic), and it didn't change my life or psyche dramatically.

 And my friends report experiences more akin to my own than to mom's generation. Are they just trying to scare teens out of sex? (my mom nearly cried when she talked to me about her wedding night, so I assume she wasn't exaggerating). And does virginity carry less societal privileges/mean less than it used to?

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Yeah, I remember hearing about the pain and blood supposedly involved with the "first time," but it never happened. I suppose that could have happened to some women, but I think it was to prevent people from having premarital sex. Just like hearing that masturbating would cause one to go blind or grow hair on the palms of their hands. Thankfully, I never had a discussion with my mom about her wedding night, but then again, we never had any talk about sex. I learned it all from friends or from health class, then from magazines and the "real thing." I was sure to discuss sex and reproduction with my sons when they were young and never even mentioned the pain and blood part of it.

I don't think virginity has the same 'value' it once had and I don't think that's a bad thing. I hope we are moving away from the woman having sex = slut & male having sex = stud mentality.
I know a bunch of young guys who are convinced that masturbation causes baldness. I'm figuring that's just a new version, since people won't fall for the blindness thing anymore.

I sure hope virginity carries less privilege, and I honestly hope it comes to mean nothing.

 

I imagine a lot of the problem with older generations was lack of knowledge about sex in general.  They probably didn't masturbate and the vast majority weren't even using tampons when they were marrying young (according to my 70 year old mom).  Having sex for the first time must have been terrifying.

 

The first time I had sex with a man was after 15 years of having sex with women, and it was no big deal.  It was always over really fast and kind of boring, but I assume that is because the husband in whatever 3 way I was having was really excited to be doing it with someone other than his wife.  I think I've given that stuff up, but you never can tell...

 

That being said, I'm going out;)

 

 

Well, I know for me, there was plenty of foreplay and it hurt me for a a month before it was pleasurable. I am polyamorous and bisexual. I have learned the purity myth is still very much alive. Apparantly, I was under suspicion of prostitution because my roommates noticed that I would have more than one guy stay with me. I had three partners at the time. People have called me a slut on more than one occasion. I ignore them because there comments are from ignorance and indoctrination. I have asked girls to not call other girls sluts because that adds to the double standard problem.

Man, I heard some old guy use the "prostitute" label to discuss a woman dancing in a club.  The previous generation has such a small vocabulary.

Meh, yeah, there are apparently a lot of 2 minute men out there.  Poor buggers.

When all these trusted women were telling you horror stories did any of them say anything like "Your body, emotional state, and age might not be the same as when we lost our virginity, so all these things might not necessarily happen to you."

Some may have you believe we are all made "in god's image" and therefor our bodys and minds all act the same way to everything.

Ooh, I like that last sentence.  I never thought of that as a reason for that sort of treatment.

In 12 years in Catholic schools I heard the "in god's image" argument often.

 

In the context of sexuality, nuns and priests added "animalistic" to make a case that sex was beneath human dignity.

 

I had forgotten its use in the context of evolution. The church avoided criticism for mouthing the ignorance of anti-evolutionists. And, when in museums I finally saw skeletal similarities in vertebrates, I didn't have to deal with the lies of anti-evolutionists.

 

One of my friends said she had bleeding and pain and all that, but she was into BDSM so she liked the whole initiation of it. Other people, even from the "older generation", didn't have horrible virginity-loss experiences. The hymen can be stretched out from different activities and is probably built differently (thicker) for different people. I stretched mine out slowly and painlessly over a long period of time and then it finally broke, painlessly. I highly recommend this.

 


Loss of virginity is not as taboo today as it was previously, and virginity is not expected. I still think losing one's virginity can be a big deal, just like a lot of other "firsts", even though I lost mine in gradual steps and am not sure when it officially happened. Then again you don't want to build it up to be the biggest deal in the world either!

When I lost my virginity it hurt like hell. It wasn't the sex, it was getting caught by the girls father.

If you've ever tried running through a dark unfamiliar house, naked and trying to dress yourself why getting the beating of a lifetime, your familiar with pain.

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