Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Dallas the Phallus on February 20, 2010 at 10:20am

Well John, athiests come from all walks of life -- young, old, brilliant, moderately intelligent. I find the majority of people on A|N are quite nice, open, honest, and supportive -- as long as you are not an ass to everyone, or so stupid that you don't even realize it.

I'm probably about 15 - 20 years younger than you, and my sex life is all self-gratification as well. So that's got nothing to do with age, only circumstances. I don't think we ever get too old to stop wanting sex with others, to touch other humans, and be loved. We'll want that all our lives, no matter what our age.

I wouldn't worry about the frequency, either. I'm a once-a-dayer myself. You are not a diry old man. : )

Permalink Reply by TNT666 on February 20, 2010 at 2:30pm

It is sad in our world that communication technology has so removed ourselves from each other, I am guilty of this myself. Without this ridiculous obsession with communicating with strangers, we'd be out there in the world actually communicating and meeting real people.

This is the main reason I LOVED going to our atheist meetups in SE Florida. MEETUP.com leitmotiv is using the internet to get away from the internet (or something to that essence). Different walks of life, young and old, rich and poor, artists and rationals, firefighters and teachers, capitalists and communists, wow the debates got hectic sometimes, but it was real people, real interactions. And tho I never dated anyone from that group, I'm sure that over the years, there will have been some connections made there.

Don't be shy, grab life by the balls, be bold on the internet and search for the right social circles.

Best wishes!

We should all have more face to face time.

Permalink Reply by John on February 20, 2010 at 2:39pm

I thank you for the response. I needed that.

Permalink Reply by Hilde on February 20, 2010 at 4:04pm

the only time being a dirty old man is bad is if you're being creepy about it with other people who don't want to be involved. otherwise, enjoy it!

Permalink Reply by Julie Quinn on February 20, 2010 at 4:39pm

John~ You are completely normal. Our sexuality doesn't "go away" as we age. We are all sexual beings whether we have partners or not. Sex is healthy for us. If God didn't want us to masturbate, he would have made our arms shorter! I made that up. :) A book you might like is "The Ethical Slut."

Unfortunately, younger people think they "invented" sex so the idea of their parents or older people having a sex life is, let's say, uncomfortable for them. Stop worrying about "stereotypes" or whether "God is watching you" (I have a button that says this) and ENJOY!

Permalink Reply by John on February 20, 2010 at 7:00pm

I think it would be totally wrong on this particular site to worry if god was watching or not. Thank you for the response.

Permalink Reply by Julie Quinn on February 20, 2010 at 10:53pm

Actually, John, "god is watching" was meant as a joke. But, I have to wonder where does your "good old Catholic guilt" come from? I wasn't raised Catholic but a guy in my Doubter's Group said he still had guilt issues whenever he masturbated. Was it that you were told masturbation was wrong, you'd go to hell, blind, what? Would you also feel guilt for having sex with someone to whom you weren't married? I was brought up with a Lutheran indoctrination and don't have all the guilt the Catholics seem to have especially when it comes to sex.

I collect anti-religious buttons. The button in question says "God knows when you touch yourself." I also have one that says "It's not premarital sex if you're not planning on getting married." :D

Permalink Reply by John on February 21, 2010 at 8:24am

LOL. Everything is a sin in the Catholic religion. I remember we had a girl in the eight grade that had huge breast for her age and the nun humiliated her in front of the entire class. She actually could not find the right size bra and the nun demanded her to come back with one. I cannot imagine how it affected her life. Sex, I think, is the greatest sin to Catholic theology. I also knew a girl brought up in the Lutheran religion and she had to force me to touch her breast. I got over most of the guilt. I took part in a threesome some years ago but for some reason masturbation must have been emphasized as a big no no. It is indeed strange indeed but years of conditioning has a great aid to guilt. By the way the Lutheran girl met a Jewish man and converted to his religion to get married. I get the feeling she is not all that active in the Jewish faith. I am so glad I found this site and your thoughtful responses. My remaining life will be much better for it.

Permalink Reply by Gliktch on February 20, 2010 at 8:08pm

Having an active sex drive is an indication of health, not illness. It's just sad that you even have to deal with this sort of doubt. I'm only early twenties myself so I don't know that I could adequately put myself in your shoes, but I can certainly understand some of the factors that are working against you... I guess the main thing is just to get yourself out there, and try not to be too focussed on the sex part, just (as others have said) make some connections, and if you're fortunate you may find yourself a new flame :)

If you are interested in a same-age partner, then I would suggest reading up on menopause and how it can impact women's sexuality (and other factors around this that can lower the female confidence at this time) in order to better understand some of the hangups which may be working against you. Being able to put your partner at ease has to be one of your primary goals if you wish to pursue intimacy. Best of luck!