A rational observer will notice that human beings are not naturally a pair-bonding species. In our culture, about 50% of married women and about 70% of married men will have extra-marital sex at some time during their marriage. Some sociologists and other researchers theorize the percentages would be much higher, if not for the religious connotation of "sin," the religion-based laws about adultery, and the stigma associated with peoples' natural sexual preferences. Monogamy over an extended period of time appears to be an unrealistic expectation, one that causes huge amounts of human suffering, pain, and of course, legal fees. For many married people, monogamy is a form of sexual slavery.

The institution of marriage is inherently flawed by the idealistic fantasy of monogamy until "death do us part." Why not improve marriage to become a secular contract of partnership that does not require monogamy? Instead, monogamy could be an option that couples could add to their contract at any time they want, especially during times when they want to have children.

An important part of a non-monogamous marriage contract would be each partner's responsibility to keep the other informed of his/her sexual contacts, with an emphasis on safe sex. An important part of freedom from monogamy is a reduction over time of the notion that marriage implies "ownership" of the spouse. One beneficial end result might be a significant reduction in domestic violence.

Tags: marriage, monogamy, secular

Views: 653

Replies to This Discussion

A lot of people here are basically making the argument that monogamy is "unnatural". (Would celibacy be even worse?) This sounds too much like saying that happily monogamous people should start screwing other people whether they like it or not. Aspects of human sexuality being unnatural--where have we heard that before?

 

 

Correct, for a great many species, not all female individuals play a reproductive role. As in a great many species not all males have a reproductive role.
I think that would be wonderful, especially because I am polyamorous. Monogamy is a terrible expectation because we humans need sexual variety like we need variety in our everyday lives as social beings. It is because much of the major religions say that marriage should be monogamous and society enforces it, people are never told you can love more than one person at the same time. It is great for people who choose Monogamy, but Monogamy or nonmonogamy are choices. Monogamy mostly came after the Abrahamic  religions. So, in my view monogamy and marriage is a construct made by religion and society. It was mostly designed to keep women inferior to men.

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