Does race play a role in who you choose to befriend or date?

I grew up in a moderately racists family. To be honest, there were not a lot of minorities around me when I was young, and I can remember actually being afraid the first time I touched a black kid. I thought that the black would actually “rub off on me”. (The things adults tell kids.)

My father was the worse, and constantly used words like nigger, jigaboo, spic, and chink. Knowing I was gay at an early age, and hearing the condescending words used towards gay people, I had the sense to know that if I didn’t like being called faggot, then it did not behoove me to use derogatory language towards others.

I have always been the most open-minded, multi-cultural person in my entire family. I have not only eaten food, read texts, and listened to music from all over the world, I have also had the greatest number of multi-racial friends and sex partners.

My gay uncle, my father’s brother, is about 27 years older than me. He once told me that he did like black men, but that he would never date a black man. So in other words, he’d sleep with one in the privacy of his own home, but never been seen with one in public. Quite a shame, really.

I’m not that way at all. If I like a man, his race is irrelevant to me, and I would not be ashamed of his race in any way.

Strangely, though, race does not affect WHO I am attracted to, but it does reflect HOW I am attracted to them. Let me explain: I like big, strong, muscular black men, but I don’t like the thin, slender, boyish types. However, with white men, I don’t like the big, strong ones, but prefer from lean and muscular to thin and whispy. For Hispanic men, I can tolerate a little more body fat, which I don’t generally like, than I can in the other two types. For Asian men, I prefer the tall, thin, and whispy types. However, my sexual response to these types also differs. I almost have a fetish about race types.

However, the one point I want to discuss in detail here is the difference between religious and non-religious people towards interracial dating and marriage.

My observations have been that the religious types (and other conservatives) are quite often hostile to interracial dating and marriage, while reasonable people, atheists, and liberals are not. I also think that income influences this as well. Among the prosperous, there seems to be very little interracial dating. Stand outside one of these affluent, white-collar churches, and you’ll never see mixed couples coming or going. Though, I don’t think you’d see a lot of that at low-income, minority churches either.

What have been your observations on this? Does race affect who you choose to socialize with, or who you sleep with? Would you feel comfortable in an open, interracial relationship?

Tags: african-american, asian, bigotry, dating, latino, marriage, nationality, race, sexuality

Views: 483

Replies to This Discussion

I am generally more attracted to darker complexions, (traditionally Hispanic or Mediterranean) that does not exclude others. My wife for example is Belgium (whiter than I am). Between the time I was religious and now not being at all, there was no difference between who I was attracted to or who I dated.
Yeah, I bet those catholics thought you were a "black devil".

I'm reading Othello this weekend. It is awful the way the characters debase him when he is not around. Have you ever read it?

It is funny you mention culture, because while I do find many black men to be very beautiful, I don't really connect with the prominent "black culture" of gangsta rap and bling bling. Not my style. I know not all blacks are like that, but it is the most prominent cultural type, I think.
I bet you were. If you don't read, you should at least watch a production of Othello. I think there is one with Lawrence Fishburn as Othello, though I don't think it is probably the best production of it. Shakespeare is hard to do well.

I'm not into the music you mentioned. And no, that is not me in the picture. It is just something I found online that I linked to.
"I know not all blacks are like that, but it is the most prominent cultural type, I think."

You need to get out more, and watch less TV.
Are you peering into my windows? You got me pegged. I never go out and watch way too much TV.
Hahaha! Big Sister is watching you.
I live in the deep south. So my childhood sounds reasonably like yours Dallas. And I grew up believing a lot of it myself. It wasn't until I moved off to college and then into the metropolis in search of opportunity that I began to change my way of thinking. While the majority of my bigotry has disappated, I have changed the way of hate.

To begin with I've never had any harsh feelings towards gays. I've always been more racially motivated. But as I've said, once I got out and broadened my horizens that slacked off somewhat. I got into a public service field career. And from these years of experience my bigotry has become narrowly defined by a person's attitude, drive in life, lack of wisdom/intellectual level (not educational) and general demeanor. And whatever racial group they fit into, I'll use the appropriate slang.

Because of work I've got a pretty grim outlook on society and humanity.

But to the point, I was married to a Latino woman once. No problems there. Actually, I still have two (sexual) goals to fulfill before I die; even if I have to pay LOL! I've slept with all phases of caucasion women (brunettes, blondes, reds and all shades between) and latinos. But yet have I to be accompanied by an Oriental and black woman. I know it sounds crude, but hey, I want the experience of it.

As far as dating, only a black girl would cause a major fuss in my family. Like I said, I live in the deep south.
Yeah, like you I'm a little curious about what men of different races would be like. I've never been with an Asian, Persian, Arab, or Native American. Only black, white, and hispanic.
Was there any discernable differences in the three?
As far as performance quality and turn-on-ability, probably not, but different things like appeal to me about different races. I like scrawny white guys, but muscular black men.

Also, I've been with some real handsome men, and some not-so-handsome men. A good looking guy isn't necessarily a better lover, that's for sure. But if he is handsome and a good lover -- OMG!
Yes, that's an observation I've made of the human condition. We automatic believe that beauty is a precursor for awesome lover. And that is, as you said, not at all the case.

To sound crude, yet again, the unattractive girls I've been with seem ALOT more will to please and open minded.
I think that your second pragraph is not crude, and is very on-point.

I'm not the best looking guy, and I do not take attention, affection, or love for granted, and I very much want to please and be a good lover. I think if I were really handsome, I would probably not be like that.

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