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Permalink Reply by Alice on January 22, 2012 at 3:07pm

I am a parent.  I would say that I've always been a secular one -but I've been a more consciously active one in the last 6 years.

I try to be clear and honest with my kids about what I know and what I don't know - and about what I don't know, but others might and where they might find that information.

I like Alfie Kohn's books on parenting.  They talk about getting the child to perspective take - ask them imagine what it might be like for others - all the time, not just when telling them off for doing something 'mean'.  Continually raising their awareness of the experience of others - so that they learn to consider that others are different to themselves.  This increases their ability to empathise and therefore act in a more ethical manner.  I'm sure also that it boosts their self esteem as they grow up and act in such a social kind manner.

I've noticed that children tend to learn what they see - so role modeling is important.  Also, I show more understanding if I see 'bad' behaviour that has actually been modeled by me or older siblings - and I take a more educational approach about how life is, and how we all need to try to be nice to each other, but sometimes we have trouble, and that's kind of normal, because we all have bad days - it's best to apologies, forgive and move on.

My then 6 year old was told that he would burn in hell for not believing in God.  When I finally found out, I explained our side of the story, which he found very reassuring.  I told him that we all have different beliefs, and his friends family have different beliefs to us - they think that this is true - which I think is sad, but that's just the way they are.

Four year old's seem to suddenly realise that death happens - with my older two, I was fairly honest and direct about death - but reassuring also - telling the number of days I estimate they have to live helped - being optimistic and going for 100 years old - it works out to about 35,000 days.  My second child was so blown out with this figure that he was more in awe about how long he was going to live for, rather then worrying about dying.  The other thing that worked was telling them that by the time I died they would have not only children of their own, but their children would have children also and they would be very old - as old as grandma - that blows them away too - to be as old as grandma!

Of course this is being optimistic - but I figure if the worst happens, they be a bit older and more able to understand it, and then we can have the conversation about how life is sad sometimes and no everyone gets a fair go.  I think it's OK to be optimistic when talking about death to a 4 year old :)

Now this is a funny one - when ever I talk about the wonder of life to my kids - they usually end up rolling their eyes at me and saying 'mum, have you finished with this yet, we've got things we want to do!'.  LOL - so I'd like some more tips on creating those moments with my kids.... :)

Permalink Reply by Sharon Stanley on January 23, 2012 at 3:20am

This discussion appears to exclude working parents. 

Permalink Reply by Alice on January 23, 2012 at 4:04am

No exclusions here - I welcome any comments from anyone - parent or not - working or not - etc... :)

Perhaps I've misunderstood - you mean the online seminar?  That it is being held at 3 pm.  I didn't even see that - as I'm in Australia anyhow and didn't think the time would work for me anyhow.