Information

Polyamory

Discussions about ethical non-monogamy and relationships.

Website: http://www.atheistnexus.org/group/polyamory
Location: Earth
Members: 105
Latest Activity: on Monday

Non-theist non-monogamists unite!

2010-5-06 - This section will be updated from time-to-time. Please check back. We'll italicize new information and updated info. for a bit.

Does a double negative make a positive?

Greetings and welcome to the Atheist Nexus polyamory group. This group is for those who are ethically non-monogamous, or who are considering ethical non-monogamy.

Since this group is new and evolving, your input, advice, constructive criticism, monetary donations to support Atheist Nexus (Button pushers, press the Big Green Button to the right of this screen!), etc... are highly appreciated.

Why yet another group for polyamorous people?

I'm glad you asked! The internet is positively hoachin' with poly groups. I (Kit Ann Kaboodle) have been a member of quite a few online groups for polyamorous people over the years, including an email list for non-monogamous people to meet-and-greet in the flesh. I have at times found myself being talked around, or ignored for being an atheist.

After hearing a couple of other people say that they felt marginalized in polyamorous/ethically non-monogamous groups where religious and/or "spiritual, but not religious" people were in the majority, I thought that Atheist Nexus would be a good place for us.

Feel free to invite your friends/acquaintances/other likely potential members.

Moderators: Kit Ann Kaboodle and Pockets.

Links:

Modernpoly.com

New polyamorous website, has a wiki for local groups, and other cool features.

Polymatchmaker.com

Probably the largest social networking site online for polyamorous people.

TOS, Guidelines, etc...

The Ning TOS.

This is the software platform/hosting service on which Atheist Nexus rests. The Ning Terms of Service trump other rules and guidelines.

The Nexus (Atheist Nexus) Rules & Guidelines

The Nexus FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions)

For all your technical questions.

Our group image/icon is in the public domain, and was designed by Jette.

More to come...

Discussion Forum

Unitarian Universalists add "family and relationship structures" to nondiscrimination grounds

Started by Grinning Cat. Last reply by Joan Denoo Sep 9. 4 Replies

I was glad to learn that at this summer's General Assembly, the Unitarian Universalist Association expanded its…Continue

Tags: family structure, nonmonogamy, relationship structure, discrimination, nondiscrimination

Fixing my broken sexuality

Started by Ashleigh Carter. Last reply by Darrel Ray Jan 29. 6 Replies

So I've been an atheist for about six years now and it's only in the few weeks or so that I've come to realize how badly Christianity screwed me up in the relationship department. My husband was very…Continue

What to do with whats in my head???

Started by Dawanna Johnson. Last reply by David Harris Feb 3, 2013. 3 Replies

ok, so i am bisexual and ive been in a monogamous relationship for about 2 years now. only because my boyfriend doesnt agree with open love. but its really starting to affect me. see there is a girl…Continue

Tags: missing, more, love, bisexual, unpleased

Mono-minded researchers strike again

Started by Ruth Anthony-Gardner. Last reply by Steph S. Jul 18, 2012. 4 Replies

A discussion in Atheist Singles lauds monogamy over…Continue

Valentine's Day

Started by ɟǝןıx dǝʇɹɐɹ. Last reply by Catie S. Apr 12, 2012. 2 Replies

Valentine Day is closer. My situation is that my wives stay in separate homes and I have to buy everything double. I was buying the other day two pairs of heart shaped plates and two pairs of heart…Continue

Unicorn hunters, double standards, and sex ratio.

Started by Prog Rock Girl. Last reply by Prog Rock Girl Mar 14, 2012. 13 Replies

A little bit nervous that I'll get flamed for this, but it's been on my mind for awhile.I've been approached too many times by male/female couples looking for an "extra" girl and it's causing me to…Continue

Have you had, or do you have an ideal relationship configuration?

Started by Kit Ann Kaboodle. Last reply by Will Faithless Sophia Feb 19, 2012. 25 Replies

When the cohabi-tater and I got together, we talked about ideal scenarios. Both of us agreed that living in a large house with enough land for gardens and an orchard with other poly people (possibly…Continue

Tags: relationship configurations, or not

Spiritual Poly vs Secular Poly

Started by Pockets. Last reply by Prog Rock Girl Dec 23, 2011. 6 Replies

In the "what does poly mean to you" thread there was a budding side discussion that I thought merited it's own thread. The discussion was on a Polyweekly show where she had a christian who made the…Continue

Life philosophy and limitations

Started by David Harris Apr 30, 2011. 0 Replies

I think it's brilliant to blend non-monogamy and atheism.  Having grown up in a religious environment (Southern Baptist even), I am constantly unpacking the pressures of that life.  One thing I've…Continue

Comment Wall

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You need to be a member of Polyamory to add comments!

Comment by Ruth Anthony-Gardner on November 7, 2014 at 7:47pm

Thanks for the links, Darrel.

Compersion - Horray!

image source

Comment by Darrel Ray on November 7, 2014 at 4:49pm

Episode #8 of Secular Sexuality just went up. It explores compersion, the opposite of jealousy. Episode #5 was an interview of 3 Poly people. None involved with each other. It can be found at any of these links. 

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/secular-sexuality-w-dr.-darrel/...

and at http://secularsexuality.dogmadebate.com/category/health/psychology/

as well as on Spreaker: http://www.spreaker.com/show/secular-sexuality

Comment by Grinning Cat on October 17, 2014 at 3:02pm

An affirming picture and words from Brazilian artist Carol Rossetti's project Mulheres / Women:

BELA LUCAS & LEO have been dating for some time now and they're really HAPPY TOGETHER! Not everybody approves, but BELA thinks it's SILLY that someone should interfere in a CONSENSUAL relationship in which everybody is HAPPY. I agree, Bela.(click to enlarge)

(See a sampling at Buzzfeed, or see The Women Project at the artist's website)

Comment by Darrel Ray on September 24, 2014 at 1:04pm

Friends at Secular Sexuality, I am happy to announce the official launch of my new podcast, Secular Sexuality. This is like no other sexuality podcast. I deal openly with all sorts of issues but most importantly, I hit religion and religious sexual programming head on. The first three episodes are up now with two more up soon. #5 is a discussion with 3 poly people. It is available on iTunes, Spreaker and soon on iHeart Radio. Please give a listen and let others know and please rate it on iTunes. I think you will find it unlike any other sex and sexuality podcast.
http://secularsexuality.dogmadebate.com/category/health/psychology/

Comment by Tom Sarbeck on August 11, 2014 at 10:00pm

To read more about women who had two, and even more, men read the NYT best seller Sex at Dawn by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha.

Another author, in Sex at Dusk, attacked it but IMO failed.

Comment by Ruth Anthony-Gardner on August 11, 2014 at 6:47pm

Comment by Grinning Cat on June 13, 2014 at 1:30am

News from last year that I just discovered:

Kenyan love rivals sign contract to share woman (Aug. 26)

"Two Kenyan men on Sunday agreed to share a woman in a written contract in which they vowed never to fight over her.

The pair from Kisauni in the coastal Mombasa County, made the deal after realising they have both been having an affair with the woman for more than four years."

Each man insisted he could not live without her, and the woman also said "she could not live without either of the men. This made the men agree to take turns to live with her."

"Whereas [polygyny] ... is legal in Kenya and widely practised by various communities, polyandry ... is almost unheard of."

"[Community policing officer Adhalah] Abdulrahman [who had mediated between the men] added that they approached his office with an agreement stating shifts in the house, respect for one another, and that if she gives birth they will both raise the child.

'We discussed everything and they agreed that even if the woman gives birth they will raise the child as their own since they have been taking care of the woman’s children together and paying her rent equally,' he said."

Locals raised moral and religious objections. (To be blunt, that opposition, while accepting polygyny, conveys the attitude that it's all about men "owning" women.)

Comment by Mink Laubenthal on March 18, 2014 at 3:08pm
Thanks for your comments, Derek. There's a polyamory meetup group about an hour from where I live, but I've yet to go. The impression I get from reading about the poly meetup group in my area is that they are not focused on "swinging parties." "Trophy hunting" and "revenge" don't sound very appealing. I joined a poly matchmaking site for about a month and got a wink/nod whatever from a couple. Although, I'm not interested in the guy&2girls combo. Plus, ethical non-monogamy has different implications than swinger parties. Sorry the scene you found was a downer. The couple you mentioned who insisted that condoms were unnecessary should have "DANGER, WILL ROBINSON!" tattooed on their foreheads.
I won't know 'til I go, but I very much enjoy reading the articles on the monderndpoly link provided above. That site makes it sound great, I theory, but maybe my ideal is just that - an unrealistic ideal.
Comment by Derek ~William Haughton on March 18, 2014 at 1:53pm

I found the 'swinging' scene wasn't really for me. I could tell that with most of the people involved there was a lot going on in their lives that was being denied. I'm not saying this was universal just that a great many  were not sincere, one or other in the couples we met were going along with it for motives other than pleasure and open friendship. Trophy hunting and revenge were present to a degree at most parties but two incidents really finished it for me.

My partner was in another room when the only female I fancied at the party said to another woman (I'm even weirder than you might have thought, her accent attracted me most) 'I don't do much any more but it's the best way of hanging on to your man.' 

Soon after a couple we'd just met insisted that condoms weren't necessary. We didn't have their confidence. Later I realised that I needed something more than a couple of hours of pleasure I had a need to know and like my partners. I have a need to know part of being a voyeur I suppose.

As to polyamory this was probably more what I was looking for, as a youngster I'd felt myself monstrous in my ability to love more than one girl at a time. A later partner accused me of flirting with every woman I met but to me I was merely enjoying being with the women I enjoyed and being polite to those I didn't! 

Comment by Tom Sarbeck on March 3, 2014 at 12:09am

...an agreed “non-monogamous” relationship if couples no longer feel sexually attracted to each other.

The couple who mentored my wife and me into a spouse-swapping group told us we would go home from parties more turned on than ever.

They were right!

 

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