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One partner more actively poly than the other?

I was wondering if anyone else has been in this situation. I've been in a few different extramarital relationships. My spouse has made out with a few girls but otherwise hasn't been actively non-monogamous. He works a lot more than me and other than that hasn't had a lot of luck meeting sane women. Maybe this has given me less experience dealing with jealousy, although I think I've dealt with jealousy through other situations. (I wonder if I'd actually feel equalized if he had another relationship!) When he's met and gotten to like the people I've dated, he is completely cool with them. Has anyone else been in this situation?

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Pockets on December 4, 2009 at 12:59pm

I know that my wife has much...much better luck than I do in terms of meeting people and dating. She seems to be constantly hit on, on ok cupid and such. I have met a couple people (literally 2). I don't begrudge her this, its just the fact that available women are far more sought after than available men.

Permalink Reply by Little Name Atheist on December 6, 2009 at 2:39pm

It's just the fact that available women are far more sought after than available men.

Not my experience. I'm not interested in being "hit on", so maybe that's my problem. However, if you have the time and inclination to post some links to studies/statistics on the subject, I'd be all eyes.

Permalink Reply by Pockets on December 23, 2009 at 3:30pm

no unfortunately it's all anecdotal. I also have a problem where I am not forward at all for this lingering fear of being labeled "that guy" you know the one who just hits on everything that moves. I am still working on that middle ground.

Permalink Reply by Kit Ann Kaboodle on January 18, 2010 at 3:56pm

I'd be thrilled-to-death if someone I have enough in common with, and who has good communication skills would discuss a possible relationship with me. Even if a friend I didn't feel inclined to enter into romance broached the subject, I'd still be chuffed, as long as they could deal with my response.

Permalink Reply by Pockets on March 2, 2010 at 3:49pm

Yeah, this has come up a couple time, in my own head mind you, and for some reason I can't get past it. I can talk to just about anyone at anytime, but it's hard for me to make that jump from just talking about X to hey do you want to go out. And lately all the people I have met that know and understand poly, are either not poly or have hard limits within their primary relationship that can exclude things with other partners.

Permalink Reply by Prog Rock Girl on March 2, 2010 at 8:10pm

I know some people like that who have set-in-stone limits, and to me it's ruined and prevented a lot of relationships. Then again I also know people who didn't have any guidelines at all, which was just a mess. I have basic rules but it's better to just talk things out case by case, too.

Permalink Reply by Pockets on March 3, 2010 at 1:19pm

exactly the only two hard rules we have is complete honesty /communication and protection. Every relationship is going to be different, and basic safety rules aside the more limits you place on it the harder it will be to see where the relationship will want to go.

Permalink Reply by Prog Rock Girl on February 19, 2010 at 4:34pm

Poly-friendly, I'd say. I know some people who are like that, who could go either way in a relationship.

Permalink Reply by khichri on March 10, 2010 at 10:24am