When I was younger I wrote some stories about people in kind of group relationships and I didn't completely realize you weren't * supposed * to do that.
I heard about polyamory around age 17. At that age up until around 22 I considered myself "romantically cursed" so my attitude was "gee it must be nice to have more than one lover; some of us don't even have one!" I think that a lot of people who sneer at polyamory probably have this envious attitude even if they don't realize it.
I was dating my now-husband at age 22 and I started to realize I was still crushing pretty hard for some others, so eventually I talked to him about what would happen if either of us was with someone else. It's been a process of evolving over the years. For one thing I didn't really know many others who were poly back then, and there's an implicit message that you're just crazy, sex-addicted or irresponsible. Meeting some others has helped me to not feel so much like that and also to develop a better relationship.
He hasn't had as much extracurricular experience as me (I might start a thread about that). I have a boyfriend of 2 years and he knows him and likes him as a person, so this makes me very happy. I think knowing and being familiar with your partner's partner can be very helpful (but is also something that can't be forced!)
It has been difficult to find poly atheists although lately I have met some. I don't necessarily care about dating a person of religion, but I'm an ex-pagan, so I have negative feelings about paganism, and in the crowds I hang with, pagans impose themselves on others without realizing they are doing that (because they think paganism is somehow different from other religions that impose themselves). My bf is pagan, but I don't think I would take on a relationship with someone who is pagan nowadays. There's even a book called "Pagan Polyamory"--as if pagan polyamory is different from any other kinds of polyamory??
I think knowing and being familiar with your partner's partner can be very helpful (but is also something that can't be forced!)
Yes indeed. While my bidie-in and I are both polyamorous, we are not looking for "a hot bi babe to complete us". I just can't imagine finding someone who would find both of us equally attractive. When I was single, I was approached by the occasional couple, but I often found myself only being attracted to one and not the other, usually the women.
It has been difficult to find poly atheists although lately I have met some.
PMM has free paid membership through December 14th, and you can search for atheists and/or agnostics via their search engine.
I could probably handle a relationship with a Neo-Pagan if they didn't drone on and on about it. Maybe. According to many, Neo-Pagan polyamory is the only show in town.
Hello. Please allow me to introcduce myself. I'm Victor, or Mortis, as you may prefer, and I'm a long time polyamorist (with a 5 year hiatus that I had for someone). I learned that I was poly when I was 16 and I've been on open relationships since then, save for that hiatus, though my relationships have had, sadly, a tendency towards the unstable.
I've always been surprised at the barely superficial level of acceptance some people have, and the level of contempt others do. I've had to fight the image of irresponsibility, of being someone who plays with people, and of course, being called a slut, double damage if it's someone you care about who calls you that. But I am who I am, and I will not apologize, I learnt that a good while ago.
Thanks for creating this group, it's good to see I'm not the only one.
Good day, all. I'm just an open minded guy with an open minded girlfriend looking into our options (not here, in general). We're of the impression that we're perfect for each other but we have some wildness not accounted for in traditional monogamy. That's all a hypothesis at this point because we haven't broken the mold quite yet. But we hope to and that makes me extra interested in the goings on of the poly community.
I wanted to say hi to everyone. I am poly-courious. I used to belong to a polyamorist meetup group. I've never been in a polyamorous relationship, but I'm open to it because I don't want to limit myself. One problem that I noticed is that the poly community in a given geographic area is small and the dating pool dries up really quick.
Also, if I mention to monogamists that I am are poly-curious they automatically think I want to be a swinger.
I don't like this online crap. I prefer face to face interaction.
Hi all. I've been putting this off because it is quite complicated to explain but I will give it a go. I have been married for 17 years and we have 2 teenage kids. At one point we separated although continued to live in the same house. As a result of this separation and various emotional problems we were stuck on, neither of us had sex at all for some 10 years. A few years ago my wife decided to start exploring her sensual self and as part of a group on Myspace, began writing erotic stories. Something about the change in her sparked an awakening in me that led to my being able to access my emotional side for the first time. The adjustments we had to make were profound. She was having an intense online relationship and I realized that the love I have for her is unconditional and will last whether we are lovers, or whether either of us has other lovers.
We reestablished our sexual connection and my discovery of the idea of polyamory enabled us to redefine our relationship in a new way that works for us. She embarked on a journey of sexual discovery, joining adult dating sites and a series of relationships and encounters in which she learned a great deal about herself. She now has several regular lovers and is currently away visiting one of them in another city.
I have been in theory just as free to seek other relationships but have not made great efforts to do so. My own sexuality is not a major driving force and is compromised by my early upbringing which stunted my emotional development. It is also much more difficult, as others have noted, for a married man in an open relationship to find partners than for a woman.
My new years resolution is to not do what I feel like but to do what I want to feel like. When i try to act on my feelings I tend to be paralysed by contradictory emotions. So this year I will be deciding what I want to feel and acting accordingly. My theory is that if I act sexy, strong, lustful, passionate, joyful, adventurous, etc. I will start to feel the same way.
Our relationship now works very well. My wife and I are best friends and lovers when we feel like it. At the same time we are free to pursue personal growth through other relationships. We have no established rules for this. We just act with honesty, openness and consideration. We are free to explore sexual and emotional relationships with others and it doesn't threaten our relationship at all.
We have not hidden any of this from our children and they understand how our relationship works. It is a different story with the outside world however. My wife is a school teacher and her employment could be compromised if we were completely open about our unconventional lifestyle. We are open about our polyamory with our families and trusted friends but sadly, as far as the wider world is concerned, we are a conventional family.
Welcome! I note appreciatively that "no established rules .. just act with honesty, openness and consideration" can be successful. I am a better theorist than practitioner, but I never found a rule more effective than good faith and 'simple' consideration.