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Permalink Reply by Rayven Alandria on September 7, 2009 at 12:02am

Hi Eve, thanks for making the poly atheists group. I agree we need one. I don't log in to the poly groups much anymore because of the prejudice towards atheists. You'd think poly folk would be more accepting but I found out the hard way that my idealism about the poly community was a bit naive. I've learned over the years that many of them are not quite as accepting as they pretend to be. We atheists polyfolk may need our own little community.

Permalink Reply by Kit Ann Kaboodle on September 7, 2009 at 9:28am

Hi Rayven! Good to see you here.

I removed my profiles from every online poly group I was part of except for two. Both are bigger personals-style sites, so I reckoned just leaving my profile up as a beacon might eventually get someone to write. I'm pretty sure I saw you getting mobbed on one of those sites back when I was more active there. You were the first person I thought of inviting from that site because of that. Amazing how having a different world view among so-called open-minded people is verboten.

I was on a yahoo group for atheist poly people for a brief while. It was o.k. for a bit, then the person who created the group went AWOL. Some woo woo merchant started posting her "spiritual" gang bang fantasies, so I left.

Atheist Nexus is the most civil and accepting online community I've ever joined. This seemed a good place (after checking it out since February) to start an online atheist/agnostic poly group.

Permalink Reply by George Tirebiter, Jr. on September 22, 2009 at 5:53pm

.."so I reckoned just leaving my profile up as a beacon might eventually get someone to write."

The beacon is a good idea; I trust you'll get worthwhile response.

We're not only a tiny minority of a tiny minority, we're also socially atomized. Unlearning superstition is an iterative process. Many critically intelligent folks may not have heard of Atheist Nexus, or any other such pole of attraction. I am convinced that we are everywhere, albeit in nanoscopic relative concentrations.

Permalink Reply by Kit Ann Kaboodle on September 24, 2009 at 2:50am

I trust you'll get worthwhile response.

Not on the poly sites. I have been corresponding with some interesting people via OKCupid.

Many critically intelligent folks may not have heard of Atheist Nexus

I left links on one poly site, and will eventually do so on others. Of course, that shouldn't hold back other people from linking to our group, or inviting friends/acquaintances.
we are everywhere, albeit in nanoscopic relative concentrations.

I may have to quote you up in the info. area.

Permalink Reply by Reality Activist on September 8, 2009 at 7:32am

You are so right. Of course, it goes both ways. I know atheists in the DC area that consider me a womanizer without any evidence to support such a claim. Their traditional beliefs just won't let them understand what polyamory really is.

In the poly world, I have faced the same type of prejudice because I am an atheist.

The truly ironic fact is that I have never been divorced, have two great teenagers who are now in college, don't drink, don't do drugs, have served my country as a military officer, have given much of my time to community volunteer services, helped save many lives within the health care field, and at age 60, am in better physical shape than most are at 40. Yet, I have atheists and poly alike who view me as immoral.

If you are a Poly, beware of groups like Beltway Atheists (particularly the meetup group, not the A/N) in the DC area. However many belong to both the A/N group and the Meetup group.

Permalink Reply by Kit Ann Kaboodle on September 9, 2009 at 9:52am

Thankfully, I haven't had to deal with any negative reaction from atheists about polyamory, but I spend most of my quality atheist time on A|N. My one atheist friend in the state (other than my cohabi-tater) is accepting of me. I'm sorry to hear you've taken guff, RA.

So here we are... a group for you all us atheist/agnostic non-mono types.

Permalink Reply by Kit Ann Kaboodle on September 7, 2009 at 10:44am

I'm a fat, pushing 50, pansexual atheist/skeptic/scientific or secular humanist living in Vermont, the US state with the greatest percentage of non-religious people (according to the latest ARIS survey). You'd think I'd have atheist friends galore here, but that's not the case... yet. We moved back about four years ago. One of these days I'll figure out which international atheist or humanist group I'd like to join, and start ~~recruiting~~ advertising here in Vermont. Or, I'll gladly join another group when someone else gets one started.

I live with the resident XY, my domestic partner. One of the great things about living in Vermont is that people who aren't married can still receive many of the legal benefits previously only afforded to married people. I haven't yet looked into whether or not that will change now that same sex couples may marry.

In the early 80s, I remember being a bit confused when a lover told me (with a certain tone of voice), he was attracted to someone else. My big concern was that I wouldn't get to spend any time with him, not that he'd be boinking someone else. What he meant to say was that he wanted to break up, but he wasn't being direct or clear in his communication. Live and learn.

I first learned of the term "polyamory" in the early 90s via the neo-pagan magazine "Green Egg". Up until that point, I had been involved in both monogamous and open relationships, generally not at the same time. Neither kind had been very successful, mostly because my lovers and I never actually talked about our relationships, or never talked about them before we got involved. Lust is a many splendored thing, but it doesn't lead to long-term, committed relationships. That's where Ye Olde Frontal Lobe steps in.

Sometime in the mid-to-late 90s I learned of the alt.poly UseNet group. The alt.poly FAQ is (or at least was) one of the best descriptons of polyamory I've seen. While I have acquaintances who frequent alt.poly, I don't. Every once in a while I'd peek in, but rarely spent much time there. Like so many long-established groups, its not very welcoming of newcomers. I don't' think this is a conscious decision on anyone's part, I just think that's what often happens with older groups/organizations. Now that I'm moderating this group, I'll probably spend most of my quality poly time online here.

So, here I am in 2009, an out atheist (the past 10 years or so), living with my sweet patootie and two fabulous felines within view of the Green Mountains. I met the cohabi-tater on an email list for poly people back in the late 90s. It's not quite the situation I saw myself in back then, but it suits me now. The only thing missing is more people to socialize with in person.

Permalink Reply by Pockets on September 8, 2009 at 11:11am

I would say fat for me as well, but euphemistically I would say i am teddy bear shaped, makes for a great pillow

Permalink Reply by Kit Ann Kaboodle on September 9, 2009 at 9:55am

Good real estate for cats or human heads.

Permalink Reply by Prog Rock Girl on November 5, 2009 at 2:22pm

I usually call myself non-skinny (for one thing, that gets rid of the "you're not fat!" exclamations). But "fat" really isn't a derogatory word. I kind of appreciated that in other cultures (India) people said I was fat and didn't mean it in an insulting way; just an accurate description.

Permalink Reply by Kit Ann Kaboodle on November 23, 2009 at 11:33pm

It is refreshing when you find people using it as a descriptive. I knew that someone who wanted to get into my pants did not have a chance when he started arguing with me about this... he actually said to me "But I don't think of you as fat!".

Permalink Reply by Rayven Alandria on September 8, 2009 at 12:12pm

I know just what you mean Reality Activist. I can't tell you how many times I've gotten a cold shoulder from a fellow atheist once I revealed I was poly. I have found that the women can be especially hateful. I guess they suddenly consider me a threat, which is ridiculous. That's my theory anyway; there's got to be something to explain the immediate shift from friendly smiles to the *stares of death* I've received once I mentioned being poly. I think most people assume being poly means you'll have sex with anyone and everyone. I suppose this would also explain why so many attached men start flirting with me the second they find out I'm poly. I can't figure out why they think being poly means I'll sleep with some asshole who's trying to cheat on someone. Idiots.

Sometimes it feels like I don't fit in anywhere. The poly community isn't as friendly towards atheists as I thought they would be and the atheist community isn't friendly towards poly-folk. Bummer.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I dress rather Goth, so I run into prejudice for that as well. Many atheists turn up their noses at someone who walks into a meeting all gothed up. I have to say of the three lifestyles, the Goth scene is MUCH more accepting of people who have different belief systems. They accept individuality much better than either the other two communities.