Despite being rebuffed by voters in Mississippi and Colorado, proponents of the “personhood” movement are still pushing to enact legislation in states like Ohio and Oklahoma that would give zygotes the same rights as American citizens. These bills would not only criminalize abortion in all circumstances, they would also outlaw common forms of contraception, as well as in vitro fertilization. To poke fun at the absurdity of the measure, Oklahoma state Sen. Constance Johnson (D), has tacked on a provision affirming — in the words of a famous Monty Python song — that every sperm is sacred...

Oklahoma Democrat Adds ‘Every Sperm Is Sacred’ Amendment To Personh...

Among other things, Johnson’s amendment would essentially outlaw oral sex, anal sex, and masturbation. ... To prove that her amendment was in jest, Johnson voted with her colleagues to table itlater in the day.