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" I know there is no God."

My wife uttered casually last week. I wanted to rejoice and celebrate her reasoning, but alas, the reason for such utterance is a sad thing for her and I would be a horrible husband if I was overjoyed by her statement.

The aforementioned expression or possible epiphany is a response to her not being able to become pregnant again, at least not for the past few years. Everywhere she goes it seems women are pregnant. Our neighbor, three of her close friends, multiple online friends, every class she attends and even some of her customers at Allstate. I know she believes that everyone is getting pregnant but her because she has such a strong desire to mother more children, but I dare not be so rash as to point out the fact that more women around her are not pregnant rather than pregnant.
We have a child of six years whom we both adore, but it was not until a year ago that I too shared her desire for further offspring. One or both of us would seem to have partially defective 'plumbing' . We have not the insurance or savings to undergo the necessary tests to determine where the problem resides. She is currently in college to become a nurse and when she finally is one, hopes to have the tests and treatments done so we can once again succeed in Darwinian evolution. Until such time I will try my best to serve her and provide support, while being content with the fact that she too sees that a loving God could not exist with all the suffering that adorns our tiny planet.

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Sarah on October 4, 2009 at 12:00pm

I know your wife's pain. I had secondary infertility after my son was born. It took us 4 years to get pregnant again, and they were very long and heartbreaking years. I did eventually get pregnant and I can't pinpoint the reason. Several things happened around the same time. I was laid off from work (very stressful job as a call center supervisor), became a vegetarian four months later, and lost 25lbs (probably from the diet change and less stress). Anyway, I got pregnant within nine months. I was pregnant again by my daughter's first birthday (after a miscarriage). I think we are done at three.

I can't pinpoint what kick-started my fertility, but I think it was related to those life events. Maybe my story can help in some way? I hope you let her vent her frustrations to you. My husband wasn't very supportive and got tired of my obsession with being pregnant. I never felt like he cared if we had more kids or not. It didn't seem to hurt him the way it did me, and that was very painful. She may really need you to listen to her fears and comfort her, but also to let her know if it's painful for you too so she doesn't feel so alone.

Permalink Reply by Sarah on October 8, 2009 at 7:15pm

Saw this come across Twitter today. Might be helpful. http://www.resolve.org/site/PageServer?pagename=lrn_wii_si

Permalink Reply by It's just Matt on October 9, 2009 at 9:29am

Thank you for your concern.

Permalink Reply by Paul O'Brien on October 21, 2009 at 8:40am

You have one child so here is a Proven Way To Greatly help your child be wonderful and understand religion and know why atheism is so important. This will help you understand why you should be telling your children they are wonderful Atheists. I wish you luck.
http://home.comcast.net/~pobrien48/Crime%20Reduction.htm

What has Happened in Europe since It Became Much More Atheist Video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T27kB4BjbEg

Imagine If All Atheist Left America Video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mbef07aQtB8

Permalink Reply by Brooke on October 22, 2009 at 5:53am

I can totally relate. I am pregnant now but it was after a year of trying and a miscarriage. I am, shall we say, "advanced maternal age" so I was very upset about it taking so long (even though a year may not seem so long, it felt like it to me). During that time, and especially after the miscarriage, it was very difficult for me to speak to my pregnant friends and relatives, and endure their stupid baby shower invitations. The thing that finally helped me become pregnant was actually this website, www.fertilityfriend.com It is great. It has a lot of information on it. There is an online course that teaches you about timing, temperature and all of that, that really helped. Also you can track your wife's temperature on the website which makes it much easier to pinpoint the exact day she is fertile. It's all about the timing. I think you and your wife should definitely try it.
I understand also about Sarah's frustration that it didn't seem like her husband cared if she became pregnant or not. My husband already has two children so I felt like it didn't matter as much to him as it did to me. But now that we are expecting he is just as happy and excited as I am.
I wish you and your wife success in your attempts to have another baby. I'm highly doubtful god has anything to do with it (haha) but I think it's all about the timing and the biology. There may be nothing wrong with either of you and the timing is just not right.

Permalink Reply by It's just Matt on November 23, 2009 at 8:21am

Thanks, Patty, for sharing your story. You did not make light of our situation at all and your empathy is welcomed greatly. It reminds me a bit about Micheal J. Fox in his book Always Looking Up as he finally admitted to himself that he had PD and he just needed to deal with it. It wasn't some calling for him to be an advocate or some bizarre punishment, it was just the facts and he needed to simply address the facts.

In regards to your story, I finalized realized something ( awhile ago but its pertinent to your story as well) For a long time I have known that a lot of people have far harder and worse lives then me. Some are born missing senses or limbs, others have mental deficiencies and others just have the unfortunate luck of being born in a shitty country. I use to console myself by saying, " They have it so much harder and do not complain, I have to enjoy what I have and use it to its fullest because they cannot."

Then recently I said to myself, " I should enjoy my life not because others cannot run or don't have electricity or a partner to rely on, but I should enjoy myself because I do.

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