How many kids do you plan on having? Since atheists aren't generally rhythm method users, are cool with contraception, etc. we have a lot more choice in the number of children we wish to have (no "leaving it to god" for us!)

I have one child, and for me that's the perfect number. I get so annoyed at the condescending comments I get about this. Often the comments are made by older women (like a generation or two older), MEN whose wives did all the parenting work (again, usually older), or other married women. The top 4 most frequent comments (in order of frequency) are:
1) "Well, you'll change your mind when he's older."
2) "Don't you want him to have a brother (or sister) to play with?"
3) "Once you meet a nice man and settle down you'll feel differently."
4) "No man is going to want to raise your kid if he won't get to have any of his own."

I can't actually decide WHICH is most offensive. I mean, 1 and 3 are patronizing; 3 and 4 assume I'll just cave completely once there's a big strong "Daddy" in the picture; and 2 assumes that the entire purpose of younger siblings is for the amusement of the first-born.

I chose to be a single mom. Pregnancy was unplanned, and I did (under religious and family pressure) marry the father when pregnant, but left when my son was just 6 weeks old. And it's been by far one of the best choices I've ever made. Ethan and I have a great relationship, play together every day, and both have our own interests and hobbies. And especially since he has special needs, I really don't want to be outnumbered. I don't think I'm being selfish by stating that I have finite resources of time, energy, money, and patience, and a 1:1 parent/child ratio seems to be ideal for us.

Anybody else done having more kids? Any other single parents who get pressure to have more? Or if you're not done having kids, when do you think you will be? What's the right size for YOUR family?

Tags: birth, breeding, control, family, kids, planning

Views: 148

Replies to This Discussion

Congratulations! As the father of two girls I'll just say girls are great! Enjoy every day.
We have 2. My husband was 5 years younger than his brother and sister and felt like an afterthought. I was the only child and seemed to always be in the hot seat. So we decided on 2 kids. They can share the hot seat, and neither feels like an after thought, as they are just 24 months apart. They are now 10 and 12 and and list each other as their best friend.
We are done at two. My husband and I got married when I was 36, we had our first when I was 37 a month before moving cross country and he entered med. school. We debated whether or not to have a second but ultimately decided would would like one more IF it happened before I reached 40. Don't ask me why, fairly arbitrary, but I wanted to be done having babies by the time I was 40. Fortunately it was easy for us to conceive both times and we ended up with two. I got my tubes tied when the 2nd was born so we are done, done, done!

It's possible that had our situation been different we might have had more kids. But ultimately two is more than enough for me on some days as much as I love them both to pieces.

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