How many kids do you plan on having? Since atheists aren't generally rhythm method users, are cool with contraception, etc. we have a lot more choice in the number of children we wish to have (no "leaving it to god" for us!)

I have one child, and for me that's the perfect number. I get so annoyed at the condescending comments I get about this. Often the comments are made by older women (like a generation or two older), MEN whose wives did all the parenting work (again, usually older), or other married women. The top 4 most frequent comments (in order of frequency) are:
1) "Well, you'll change your mind when he's older."
2) "Don't you want him to have a brother (or sister) to play with?"
3) "Once you meet a nice man and settle down you'll feel differently."
4) "No man is going to want to raise your kid if he won't get to have any of his own."

I can't actually decide WHICH is most offensive. I mean, 1 and 3 are patronizing; 3 and 4 assume I'll just cave completely once there's a big strong "Daddy" in the picture; and 2 assumes that the entire purpose of younger siblings is for the amusement of the first-born.

I chose to be a single mom. Pregnancy was unplanned, and I did (under religious and family pressure) marry the father when pregnant, but left when my son was just 6 weeks old. And it's been by far one of the best choices I've ever made. Ethan and I have a great relationship, play together every day, and both have our own interests and hobbies. And especially since he has special needs, I really don't want to be outnumbered. I don't think I'm being selfish by stating that I have finite resources of time, energy, money, and patience, and a 1:1 parent/child ratio seems to be ideal for us.

Anybody else done having more kids? Any other single parents who get pressure to have more? Or if you're not done having kids, when do you think you will be? What's the right size for YOUR family?

Tags: birth, breeding, control, family, kids, planning

Views: 144

Replies to This Discussion

We have one two-year-old now, and we're hoping for just one more this year. My husband and I want an even number so that no one has to sit next to the creepy smelly guy on rollercoasters. Purely a practical decision. :)
lol @ creepy smelly guy. My son's gonna be screwed on that one anyway b/c I'm terrified of coasters. I figure I'll go with my speed queen sister and her terrified-of-the-world daughter. We wimps can sit it out and go to the petting zoo while they ride :)
The Duggars are real people? I thought the pic was a bunch of cheesey actors. How did they get all the kids to smile for the pic? I can't even get my 3 kids & hubby to all look at the camera at the same time, let alone smile.
brainwashing
Yeah I don't know anything about this *particular* QF family. I did know lots of families like this growing up, including one family that adopted a child for every natural born one they had, and had a total of 18 children this way. In really big families I've seen, the younger children don't get any time with the parents - just with big sibs. And the big sibs don't get to be children, they're too busy being parents. IMHO at least.
Smile or I will spank you because Jesus loves you!
I was never going to birth more than two. However, I'm very disappointed that, because my health gave out on me, I can't adopt as I had planned.
Sorry to hear about your health plans. I hope you get the best medical care possible as well as strong support from friends and family.
I think having a small family is good 2 seams like a good number i have thought about 3 kids but im sure i would stop at two. and i chose 2 kinda cause i saw how nice it was to have a little sister and how much cousin who was an only child wished for it so much to have a sibling. but i have also seen that having another even if it is just so the 2 kids can keep each other company i have seen some benefit to that.
My wife and I got married when she was 37, I was 43. We agreed on from 0-2 kids, for various reasons. The first one was (and is) great, so we had one more. One is now 3 and the other 18 months. We can still each catch one kid going in one direction. But three kids going in three directions would just be too much! Even we get asked all the time about more kids. I think some people just say that as a sort of conversational reflex.
I honestly can't tell whether or not. you're. for. real ...
I think Cowpunk62's comment was aimed at Jennifer Ware (above you).

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