So as is appropriate, I am starting a discussion rather than posting comments. I was going to go back and look at the original comment that started all the controversy but it has mysteriously disappeared. I would be curious to know if the author is the one who deleted it. It seems to me that he was not treated with respect from the beginning.

Maybe it is unpopular, but I thought he made valid points. I believe the first was a question about why have biological children rather than adopt. The second was concerning respect for children and treating them like people rather than inferior people. I apologize if my summary is inaccurate as the original post disappeared.

My husband and I chose to have two children of our own rather than adopt. I admit that we made that decision for selfish reasons, but my justification is that we are just replacing ourselves. Which is weak, I admit. I would, however, be open to adoption should I want any more children or perhaps under the right unforeseen circumstances.

I think he made several other good points regarding parenting. I do agree that children can learn to control their emotional reactions. After all, how do adults learn it? Hopefully they begin learning it from their parents when they are toddlers.

Views: 24

Replies to This Discussion

that's not balance! what's the point in making life worth living while making it impossible to sustain?!
Haha, me, too!
yes, part of life is balancing short term and long term pleasure. this is what you're arguing AGAINST. you are arguing that short term pleasure is MORE IMPORTANT, remember?
population is about nothing but numerical values

Well that first post from me was just the initial response to the first few posts – but now I’ve read the whole thing I have a slightly different take on it.  I’m surprised that I’m the only one it seems that has taken Egan’s initial comment with much humour and hilarity!

 

I think I must be quite detached from notions of ‘doing good’ in the world – I spend most of my childhood in pain and having compassion with others and so have spend a large part of my life thinking desperately how I might help and save others from this pain.

 

At the end of the day, you can’t save the world!  And in light of evolution and natural selection – and even the heat death of the universe.

 

From all this I’ve come to quite a simple place.  Life is hard and painful – anyone who has given birth can attest to this!  Therefore – enjoy your life – do what you will to enjoy it.

 

Some recommendations – which you can study further in the group on here Compassionate Connection (CC)– consider my own and others basic needs (see discussion on CC) –

 

In fact here are the 4 I like best:

 

Be mindful of our own feelings and needs – now and into the foreseeable future – with equal consideration of others feelings and needs – again into the foreseeable future.  Use protective force where others lack tools to consider others need for safety – and be mindful to show appreciation of self and others as a matter of course.

 

What this basic ‘philosophy’ amounts to is this – if you can successfully care for a child into the foreseeable future IYO – then have one, foster or adopt one – what ever you deem most appropriate.  If you can’t then don’t.

 

If you find it hard to gain happiness in life – seek and seek some more – that’s what I’ve had to do – I’ve had many times in my life when I wish I hadn’t been born, been angry with my parents – none stop almost – for having me – and have wished that I wasn’t here any more – not much of an existence – but I’ve very recently found much more happiness in life – it took me 32 years but hey at least I’ll have the rest of my life in reasonable happiness – hopefully : )  my main problems consisted of mental health problems and minor related physical health problems that I’ve been able to fix essentially through changing my diet and changing my attitude.

then what are you doing here? shouldn't you be at church, seeking your illusory happiness?

i'm like george carlin, all i'm asking for is a little consistency. either you see the world as it is and work to make it better, or you tune out reality, seek short-term happiness, and wait to die. most people do that through religion. why would you object to religion just to form your own similar fantasies?

 Come on Egan tell the truth, your really an iimature Vulcan with Mommy Daddy issues arent you?? Its ok, you can share. Here Ill start for you...Hello my name is Egan.......
Egan, it is obvious that you have no interest in discussing anything. Why are you posting here? And why are you so pissed off? Some people have tried to be cordial and entertain a discussion yet all you seem to do is hurl insults. You seem to be quite self righteous. Just like most religious people. You need to quit being so judgmental and grow up. At the point that you think you know everything that is when you know NOTHING.
it seems to be you who's not interested in discussing anything, as all you've been doing is trying to smear my character. i'm pointing out a severe inconsistency in behaviour, but instead of admitting this hypocrisy and changing it, or giving a reason why it's not hypocritical, all you're doing is getting offended and coming up with reasons nbot to consider my point.
BIGGER picture? you can't even see outside your own life. you've already given personal happiness as a justification for contributing to the destruction of society. you need to get a bigger picture, think about the consequences of your actions, as they apply to others besides yourself
In case you didn't notice I defended you when others were attacking you multiple times because you do make some rational points. But your rational points are a waste of my computer screen if you can't manage to show at least a little bit of tact and diplomacy. I was very interested in your points but you have yet to concisely, coherently, and civilly convey your point in a way that we idiots can understand. I am not offended; I am annoyed.

Just what is your point EXACTLY?? Which hypocrisy EXACTLY?
the hypocrisy of claiming to be rational in one respect, then using reeligious arguments to justify behaviour in another. to say that "because it makes me happy" is a good enough reason to contribute to the overpopulation of the planet, but not good enough to justify believing in fairy tale creatures.

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