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5 year old with head in the clouds.

My daughter just turned 5 today but I swear she still acts like she just turned 2. She colors on the walls, throws things in the street, crawled behind the computer desk and knocked over the monitor, and she just broke the coffee table by jumping on it. I could handle it if it were a few incidents, but this stuff happens every day! She knows she shouldn't do these things and she's not purposely doing them to act out. She just gets lost in her thoughts and forgets to think before acting. I didn't have this issue with her older sister so I don't know how to deal with it.
I think she is just going to have to go back to constant supervision (not that she is unsupervised at the moment,) I can't think of anything else. The broken table just broke the camel's back.

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Jennifer R on October 11, 2010 at 3:34pm

have you talked to her doctor about this behavior?

Permalink Reply by Laura on October 11, 2010 at 4:03pm

No, it never occurred to me that it could be anything more than a phase.

Permalink Reply by Laura on October 11, 2010 at 4:08pm

I should mention that she doesn't seem to have any mental problems. She can carry on a normal conversation, she can tell and laugh at jokes, and she's a social butterfly at school. She can play simple board games for long periods without zoning out. She's right on target for math, writing and reading. She just daydreams a lot... and that's when she gets into trouble.

Permalink Reply by Jacqueline on October 11, 2010 at 5:20pm

Hi Laura, it can be so frustrating to be struggling with this kind of behaviour day after day.

In some susceptible children, intolerance (not allergy) to food chemicals (both natural and artificial) is one thing that may cause 'head in the clouds' and other behavioural problems.

If this sounds like a possibility, you could check out these websites for more info

http://www.sswahs.nsw.gov.au/rpa/allergy/
http://www.fedupwithfoodadditives.info/
http://www.dietinvestigation.com/

I'm not affiliated with any of these websites but we are food sensitive at our house and are currently following an elimination diet. Two of my five children in particular have strong reactions to food colourings and flavours.
good luck :)

Permalink Reply by Dawn K on October 12, 2010 at 11:25am

What you describe sounds so frustrating! Is it possible that she's getting something out of the negative attention she's receiving after doing these things? It also sounds like she just doesn't have much impulse control yet.

If she's in school have you talked to her teacher to see if they observe the same kinds of things at school?If she's just as impulsive at school then maybe that is something that needs to be further investigated. If she's not acting this impulsively at school then it may be that she works better with more structure. Maybe try direct more productive uses of her energy.

If she has trouble remembering not to color on the walls then the crayons go away for a while. Or, you could decide to work with her and cover a wall in paper or a more washable surface so that she can scribble away on that one wall.

I don't know what you mean by throwing things on the street. Maybe the things she is throwing make an interesting sound or break in an interesting way???? Could you use that interest in a more productive way? Play around with different things and see what they do when you drop them? Give her permission to do this activity but only when you say it's okay and only with objects you approve of.

When she's jumping around and being especially active is there a place she can go (e.g. outside or to a playroom) where that type of activity is more appropriate? Sometimes when my son is particularly antsy, I tell him to run around the house (our first floor is open) 5 times, or we play simon says. Or send him outside to ride his bike as fast as he can for 5 minutes. Anything to use up some of that energy can make a big difference in his ability to focus and use his energy more appropriately.

I have a 4.5 year old and a 7 year old. Sometimes it's mind boggling how different they are and how often I have to come up with new solutions because the one that worked with the older child just doesn't work with my youngest. It can really keep you on your toes sometimes!

Permalink Reply by Andrew Hall on October 15, 2010 at 8:38pm

Hi, I have two kids Will and Ali (8 and 5). I've also worked with adults with disabilites for well over fifteen years. Having clear expectations on what's expected from the child and clear consequeces are important. Kids want to know where the boundaries are and what will happen if they step over them. My kids understand that it doesn't matter where we are (supermarket, visiting relatives, etc.) that if they misbehave there will be consequences to their behavior.

You can always start a star chart for certain behaviors for her, too. Make a chart with the days of the week along with the behaviors you want under control. If she does the "right" behaviors she gets a star. Kids like stars (and stickers).

This is just like a science exercise: observe - hypothesize - try some kind of intervention - observe.

Good luck

Permalink Reply by skepticmom on October 17, 2010 at 2:28pm

Kids are all different. I don't know that I would jump to the conclusion that anything is really wrong. She may want attention or she may have a fear of growing up (after all that can be scary esp. if she is worried about starting kindergarten or other new phases to come) and want to revert back or she may just be a bit immature/late bloomer intellectually (and she is just 5). That's not to say that you should not watch for other possibilities but I just think that all kids are like it sometimes and some kids are like this a lot more often. Yesterday my 4 year old (almost 5) colored on the doors and painted the walls. It doesn't happen often for her, but it does happen.

I would first try giving her even more positive attention (maybe have a mother-daughter day or something) and reassuring her about growing up (affirming that it can be scary but you are there to help her).

It probably doesn't hurt to mention it to the doctor and ask if there are other signs you should look for (signs of depression and other emotional problems look very different in kids than they do in adults).

Permalink Reply by Michelle on October 19, 2010 at 2:08pm

She could just be a bit over the top for bright and creative. It sounds odd, but often kids like that spend a great deal of time in their imaginations. Still, discussing it with a doctor seems like a good idea. We have called our ped. ahead of time before to discuss things we don't want to talk about in-front of our son so that the doctor knows before hand without my son picking up on it. (if he hears what we think then it is harder to determine what is going on with him because he will just repeat the adults.)

Permalink Reply by Andrew Hall on October 23, 2010 at 9:39am

A few folks have mentioned going to a doctor about this issue and that's fine. Just beware of any jump to placing your child on meds. I would definitley use behavioral interventions first (star charts, rewards for good behavior, etc.).

Permalink Reply by Michelle on October 23, 2010 at 2:59pm

I agree, often doctors do a great job of making us parents feel better which is pretty important too.

Permalink Reply by Chris Harmon on November 28, 2010 at 1:08am

I don't know if it helps- but my eldest is like this.. she is just starting to come out of it at the age of 9.. she is a handful- but not usually *on purpose*.

Permalink Reply by Andrew Hall on December 4, 2010 at 4:09pm

I hope things are going well with your daughter.