OK,

To kick this off, here's a new one:

Q: Why is it the mentally ill don't send Christmas cards?
A: Because they're too busy on their knees praying.

OK, not marvelous, so I thought I'd invite you guys and gals to think up (collect) some new devilish humor. Bah humbug.

BTW - I'm not dead yet - but the chest pain is a real swine... Fortunately for anyone wondering/worrying, it's wasn't an infarc or a PE. So I just have to put up with it...

Tags: christian, christmas, jokes, messages, offensive, xians, xmas

Views: 22965

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Tom asked, "Larry! Why do you have that old smelly fish tied around your neck.!!?"

Larry relpyed, " It keep the Christians away." Tom asked, "Where canIi get one?"

just a few jokes about christians
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House is so true...
I wish I could remember where I got all this stuff. I think I did a search for jokes about christians to send to my Dad who is aprevert and a christian. Good thing I was adopted by somebody eles and wasn't raised by that prevert.
OK, I know it's late, but here are a couple:

Q: What's white and flashes across the sky?
A: The second coming of Jesus.


Q: Why did Jesus die on the cross?
A: He forgot his 'safe word'.
more stuff
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The Top ten signs that you are not a very good Christian, first thing in the morning.

                             

10. When you first wake up and you are glad, because it is not Sunday.

9. When you first wake up and you review your things to do list and you read,

 buy on line, The Pope Dart Board.

8. When you first wake up and you find yourself paging through a science book.

7. When you first wake up and you look over to find that there is another hole in your blow up sex doll.

 6. When you first wake up, because there is a knock on the door and you say,

 NOT THE MORMAN’S AGAIN!!!!!   

6. When you first wake up and you are as mad as hell, because today is Sunday!!!

5. When you first wake up and you begin a plan to permanently keep both your boyfriends.

4. When you first wake up and go to prayer breakfast and you put a double dose of Viagra in the preacher’s breakfast. Then tell him that you’re not hungry.

3. When you first wake up and you intentionally leave the curtains open while taking a shower.    

2. When first thing in the morning you get a person to person telephone wakeup call from Richard Dawkins himself.

 

Now the number 1 sign that you are not a very good Christian first thing in the morning is:

1. When you first wake up and go to the rest room and set down, then a minute later you find that the only paper product within your reach is your bible.

There were these two nuns riding their bicycles through the backstreets of Rome when the sister following the other exclaimed "I've never come this way before!". The nun in front yelled back, "It's the cobblestones!".

Why did the christian cross the street?  Because he wanted to PROVE that god would protect him.

Who's the biggest bitch in the Bible?

Jesus' mother.

"And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem."

 

 

  I really truly did meet this guy who told me he fell victim to all the pitfalls of life alcohol, drugs, sex.,  

  Then with glee he said to me, Them I met some people from the church. Now Jesus is my savior.

  I caught his eye and said to him, Why doesn’t that surprise me? It went over his head and I did not tell him.

what is the biggest problem with baptism?  

they don't hold them under long enough

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