Jokes to offend Christians (particularly at Christmas)

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by RevRyn on December 20, 2009 at 11:30am

not a joke, but it seems the appropriate place for it, as i hope it would offend christians (at least the ones that understand what dereliction means ;))
CRUCIFIXION MALEDICTION
By Dorothy B. Thompson

Fixation with a crucifiction
Is obviously a learned addiction.
It's not just Christian jurisdiction,
Although they try to claim ascription,
Shed blood is common creed affliction.
When concocting dogma it's prefixion,
A finished touch to fine commixion.
I'd never make bizarre prediction
Of theology sans crucifixion.
No one would swallow such constriction.
Non-belief leads right to interdiction.
Bloody crosses do seem contradiction,
But, there's a trick to accepting fiction.
You must consent to brain dereliction.
If not, you'll surely face eviction
From church before the benediction.

Permalink Reply by Marc Draco on December 20, 2009 at 12:23pm

Aye, tis pretty good that.

Permalink Reply by linda wagner on December 20, 2009 at 11:33am

i like that, I should send it to a Christian.

Permalink Reply by Tedster on December 22, 2009 at 9:09pm

That is rich. LOL

Permalink Reply by Sam in WV on December 20, 2009 at 5:02pm

Joseph: Oh great timing, lady! We travel all this way to be counted in a census by the backbiting Romans, and you decide to go into labor now. We haven't even found an inn to register at yet.
Mary: I don't know who is the bigger jack ass, you or this animal I am riding on. I am not made of cast iron, you know. After jostling around on the back of this donkey for 80 miles, of course I'm going to drop this kid now. The sooner the better.
Joseph: Well when it 's all over, just remind yourself of all I have had to put up with. After all, I have never even touched you.

Permalink Reply by KY Nontheist on December 21, 2009 at 8:48pm

I only know the old but good ones.

Why can't Jesus eat M&M's? They fall through the holes in his hands.

When Jesus stays at a hotel he gives the clerk 3 nails and says "can you put me up for the night?"

Permalink Reply by RevRyn on December 22, 2009 at 9:38am

ha, i'd forgotton the three nails joke...thanks, that made my day.

Permalink Reply by Marc Draco on December 22, 2009 at 9:43am

Yes, that is a priceless one. Sighs.

I rather liked the cartoon of Joe and Mare in bed with the caption: "After God, Joseph was such a let down".

Or something like that.

Permalink Reply by jeric harper on December 23, 2009 at 9:00pm

this isnt really a seasonal joke but it should offend somebody.

a catholic preist and a rabbi were standing outside of a church when a 10 year old boy walks by. the preist turns to the rabbi and says "we should take that boy inside and fuck him!" and the rabbi says "out of what?"

Permalink Reply by Marc Draco on December 24, 2009 at 6:15am

I love the irony!

Permalink Reply by Teresa Spoone on December 25, 2009 at 7:08am

Just in case you need to offend some Xians in the spring....What was the last thing Jesus said while hanging on the cross? Hey Peter - I can see all the way to your house from up here. (I never said it wasa good one - just guaranteed to offend them!)

What does INRI stand for? I'm nailed right in.

Permalink Reply by Marc Draco on December 25, 2009 at 7:30am

I like offending Xians any chance I get - I just particularly like to do it at their festivals - particularly ones they stole from other people - like Yule.

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