An entertaining description of porcupine mating. Did you know they can't be raped?

How Do Porcupines Mate? Very Carefully.

... listen for the tender sounds of porcupine coitus—stark, night-piercing shrieks that could be likened to the noises produced by a banshee banging a Velociraptor.

That mess of quills is equally effective against its own kind. Thus instead of force, the male porcupine must use persuasion.

Though the male can’t force the female to have sex with him, he does have one move that might help get her in the mood.

There’s not a lot I can do to make this sound romantic, so I’ll just say it. The male porcupine rears up on his hind legs, walks toward the female with a fully erect penis, and proceeds to soak her in urine with a spray forceful enough to shoot 6 feet.

No proper Internet dialogue about animal sex should conclude without a graphic description of a penis—and lucky for you, the porcupine penis is covered in tiny spines! Though we don’t know whether it’s lucky for the lady porcupine.

The male porcupine’s glans (tip of the penis) is covered in hundreds of conical, 1-millimeter spikes made of, ahem, “horny material.” Two other, larger spines (2 mm) hide out in pocket on the glans, called the sacculus urethralis, and come into view only when the penis erects. ... they give whole new meaning to the euphemism “prick.”

Tags: porcupine mating

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