Atheist Dating in the bible belt

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Permalink Reply by Joseph P on June 25, 2010 at 10:04pm

Hmmmm, how do I deal? I spend a lot of nights home alone.

I have a pair of automatic disqualifiers which cuts me down to a pitifully small dating pool. No Judeo Christians and no smokers.

I can deal with Buddhists, Pagans, Hindus, and other less-rabid theistic-types ... particularly Buddhists, since most of them are just a flavor of Atheist.

It's kind of painful to go onto a personals site, do a search without those settings active, then turn them on. Comparing the numbers before and after those disqualifiers are set is depressing.

I'm also a borderline vegetarian, but I'm not so serious about it to have major feelings about it in a mate. I only have poultry and fish in my prepared entrees for lunch, since it's too much of a pain to cook things the night before, and it's too hard to find vegetarian, frozen entrees with an acceptable protein concentration. I'd never go full vegan, either, since I don't want to give up milk and egg-whites, as a protein source.

Right there with you on the liberal part, too. I don't filter for it ... but if a girl claims 'conservative' or 'very conservative' in her profile, I go into the date with misgivings, and she's going to have to prove her tolerance for the fringe groups that conservatives love to bash on.

Permalink Reply by aerie on September 2, 2010 at 4:10am

I'm alone a lot too, but I'm prob way older than you, too. Already been down the marriage road & back. Teenagers take up a lot of my time, but I've given up hope of meeting an atheist or even a skeptic where I'm at now (very conservative area in western NC). I'm not one to really consider dating an open-minded believer as I have nothing at all in common with them & I would find it difficult to have the deep respect required for a relationship knowing they believed in fairy tales or similar 'goddidit' nonsense. Frankly, I'd rather be alone.

If you're young, college-age then going to a university or at least living in a university town is the best hope unless you just get lucky! Then there's always the many local atheist groups that exist in most larger towns/cities in NC...they've got to be somewhere!

They better show up soon, though! I'm facing an empty nest in a couple of years & I don't plan to let such new found freedom go to waste by sitting home alone!

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on September 2, 2010 at 12:01pm

Eh, 10 years, apparently. I wouldn't call that WAY older. If you were 60-something or 70-something, sure.

On top of the intellectual respect angle, things always just change. It doesn't matter how open-minded they are, if they're churchgoers in any way. And there's always the risk of a non-churchgoer undergoing a revival and becoming more religious. Lots of Christians don't really understand what atheism is. They just can't get their minds wrapped around the idea that someone could really not believe that gods exist, specifically their lunatic, smiting, asshole of a god.

I've talked to so many theists whose first question, when they hear about my atheism, is to ask what bad experience turned me away from God. It's like they think that all atheists really believe in the Christian god, and we're just mad at him for something.

As a result of that, the few open-minded Christians that I've dated have often started wondering why I won't come to church with them, after we've been dating for a few months. They just don't freaking get it.

Permalink Reply by aerie on September 2, 2010 at 3:14pm

It's weird, but I never had the typical reaction to atheists when I was a believer. Oh sure, they were headed for hell, but I didn't presume to know or understand the reasons *why* they didn't believe. I didn't auto-dismiss them or hate their existence but would never have dated one. Now, w/ tables turned & for vastly different reasons I wouldn't date a believer either. Some truth in the "unequally yoked" buybull warning, but not any spiritual truth. I agree w/ you, it's an intellectual aspect.

It still sometimes surprises me when I see the same predictable, ignorant responses from believers. To her credit, my fundy mom indoctrinated me well b/c of a genuine fear of hell, but she's also an awesome lady with some intelligence & kindness & everyone she knows/meets genuinely likes her. I am not blessed w/ her skills of winning friends & influencing people, but she taught me kindness, empathy, & respect for others.

I guess my equally-hateful father nurtured my hatred of authority & rebelliousness w/ his fascist parenting. I can at least thank him for that.

And, yes even when you think the issue is 'settled' they start asking you to come to church or quoting scripture at you (also true of xtian 'friends'). Again, I'd rather be alone w/ my cats & the TV remote than tolerate that. Cats are really shameless atheists anyway & much better company.