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Nexus Comedy Club

Comedy provides us with welcome relief from the constant barrage of crap....... So here's a group for discussion of all things comedic. Share your comedy favourites, link to clips, discuss atheist comedy, and just have a laugh

Members: 116
Latest Activity: on Wednesday

Discussion Forum

Tim Minchin sings about Science and Religion

Started by Deanna. Last reply by Dyslexic's DOG Oct 20, 2013. 1 Reply

Jokes

Started by Talibangelist. Last reply by Jen E. Jan 7, 2011. 10 Replies

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Comment by Patricia on March 18, 2015 at 1:36pm

Belgium's Got Talent

Comment by Patricia on March 17, 2015 at 11:25pm

Would that be called ''blind drunk''?????

Comment by Lemual Poot on March 17, 2015 at 11:22pm

A man walked into a bar.

Odd he didn't see it right there in front of him!

Comment by Patricia on March 15, 2015 at 6:48pm

Terrible when all the effort is for naught, huh?

Comment by Lemual Poot on March 15, 2015 at 6:46pm

 

Tell people the truth and they crap all over you, Believe me, I’ve tried.

Rabbit meat is the healthiest meat you can eat.  Lots of protein virtually no carbohydrates.  There's no prescription diet that excludes rabbit meat.  Rabbit produces the highest meat versus feed ratio of any meat producing mammal.  Rabbit should replace chicken in the American diet.  Hah!

I put everything into my Rabbit restaurant idea. 

I had a bunny logo, a mascot in a bunny suit to hand Rabbit meat samples.  Think anyone would try them?  How come one single news picture of a bunch of crying kids can ruin a venture?  It’s just crazy. 

I had all sorts of rabbit fur accessories and lucky rabbit’s feet for the kiddies but no! People just can’t see

 I even had an extra twist like the lobster places.  A big cage with rabbits in it, where a family could pick out their own meal

Springtime should be a good season to launch a venture, guess I didn’t think-out that whole Easter thing.  It would have been great without the eggs all over the place each morning.  Why’d they dye raw eggs in the first place?

I'll tell you, the average Joe-Shmoe has no vision.

Gadam PITA jerks, you don’t see any of them in front of KFC do you? 

No matter how I try…

Comment by Patricia on March 15, 2015 at 6:17pm

Sounds like a plan........

Comment by Lemual Poot on March 15, 2015 at 5:49pm

 

 

I've always been one step ahead of my time.  People just weren't ready for my ideas.  Time and time again I’ve tried. 

Like in the 70's, during the generic craze.  I had rights on the only generic graveyard anywhere.  People just couldn’t see.

Picture how it could have looked: Rows of white headstones, with "Dead Person" lettered on each one.

OK, that was just the façade in front of the site but really…

 My "No frills funerals" was the epitome of genius but fell deaf upon ignorant ears.  I featured a fine crafted corrugated coffins with "push-in" finger holes, for pall bearing ease.  Prerecorded eulogies, and a live-action, animatronic clergy with pop up mourners.  Plus, an option for live, professional mourners. You think anyone saw the potential?  Hah! 

The actual interment site would have been an abandoned oil well I got a great lease on.  Ten inches wide, about a mile down.  I had it all figured.  With rate and fall ratios and that whole terminal velocity thing, we could have packed them in there for years, no problem.  People just don't see brilliance in its present state.

Time and time again I've tried.

Comment by Lemual Poot on March 14, 2015 at 9:55pm

Comment by Patricia on March 14, 2015 at 2:09pm

Condom factory burns down in USA]

The largest condom factory in the States
burned down. President Obama was awakened at 4 am by
telephone.

"Sorry to
bother you at this hour, Sir, but there is an
emergency! I've just
received word that the Durex
factory in
Washington has burned to the ground.
It is estimated that the entire USA supply of
condoms will be
used up by the end of the week."

Obama:
"Oh damn!
The economy will never be able to cope with all
those unwanted babies. We'll be ruined.
We'll have to ship some condoms in from Mexico.”

Telephone voice says
"Bad idea... The Mexicans will have
a field day with this one. We'll be a
laughing stock..
What about Canada?"

Obama:
"Okay, I'll call Stephen Harper and tell him we
need five million condoms, ten inches long
and three
inches thick. That way, they'll continue to
respect the US."

Three days
later, a delighted President Obama ran out to
open the first of the 10,000 boxes that had
just arrived. He found it full of
condoms, 10 inches long and 3 inches
thick, exactly as requested... all
coloured with red maple
leaves with small writing on each one:

MADE IN
CANADA -
SIZE: SMALL

Comment by Patricia on March 11, 2015 at 10:49pm

A priest was invited to attend a house party. Naturally, he was properly dressed and wearing his priest's collar.

A little boy kept staring at him the entire evening. Finally, the priest asked the little boy what he was staring at. The little boy pointed to the priest's neck.

When the priest finally realized what the boy was pointing at, he asked him, "Do you know why I am wearing that?"

The boy nodded his head yes, and replied, "It kills fleas and ticks for up to three months."

 

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