Many aggressively seek treatment for restoration to health when what is needed is palliative care. I am so grateful groups like Hospice are there to help people face dying without fear and dread.
I instructed my children to throw a quilt over me if I have a heart attach or stoke, call an ambulance if they feel better but no sirens or whistles. I prefer they hold my hand until life ends. My doctors all know and I have a “Do not resuscitate order” on my refrigerator. I don’t want that long, slow, disabled condition to continue if we can prevent it.
In the meantime, embrace life.
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There is so much concern about death, not recognizing it is a necessary part of life. When we push needles into people to pump in chemicals we violate the dignity of a quiet, calm, serene dying. Just hold my hand. As to the regalia of death, fine satins, gleaming coffins make a mockery of death. What does fine cloth and strong metal and a fancy stone do to memorialize a person? Rather, I want my gardening clothes on by body and a cotton sheet covering me. Let the bugs and worms and bacteria and fungus do with me as they will. As for a wake, gather the people together and tell outrageous stories of my life's journey ... there are lots of them. Talk of me as I was, warts and all. And if anyone offers up a prayer, shove a bar of soap between their teeth and shove them out the door. I will have none of that nonsense.
Well said Joan, death is just one of many realities we face in our lives and the death day is just like other days of life. My mother was lucky enough to die like that. She had breast cancer. On her last day of life, on her way back from early morning check up from hospital she went to her office in school, worked for 6 hours. In the evening was hospitalized and at 10pm I was informed about her death.
Unfortunatly my father is a complete contrast to that. At 73 without any major disesae, almost in perfect health for a man of his age he almost don't do anything apart from reciting Quran, praying and other other preprations for life after death. Whole family realizing his fear of death had tried every thing to divert his focus from death but nothing seems to work. He is a very nice straight forward fellow, sort of guay who even don't have ability to sin but religion's concept of punishment after death is so cruely powerful that if a person falls in its spell, he is hopless. He actually dies much before the actual death.
Oh dear, your poor father suffered for no good reason that I can see. Life is to be lived. Today! Don't let a day go by without something interesting and funny happening. Be awake to fraud and corruptions and take action against it and put up such a fight that people will have to stop and think. When it comes to religion, that seems to be a fatal disease. It is the most corrupting of all and gets away with it. Telling lies, delusions, and fear mongering, it can do dreadful harm even as it claims to be an institution of love and compassion.
All we have to do is look at the history of each religious discipline and see "good works" cannot balance out "sick, distorted, delusional thinking".
You describe your mother as being rational and realistic. Did she have training in religion and reject it, or think issues threw?
My mother was in no way a non-religious person, that was her persolaity which let her face the death like that but it is not the case with most of people. I often notice that most of regulars to 5 time mosque routine are elderly people usually filled with fear of death.
There is nothing scerete about Pakistani marriage. Infact I would like as many friends enjoying it as possible. I used the word "you" because you are the main person for whome I have covered the marriage.
If you want a larger audience, I certainly would post on Ruth's "Hanging with Friends". She has 802 subscribers. I have a feeling that the people who respond to that site would be interested in what you have to offer.
One more thing Johan, I have almost completed preprations for a comprehansive coverage of a Pakistani marriage for you but I am not sure about where to post it. I wonder if the gardening forum would be an apropriate place for that(there are no psychological barriers behind that, its only nature of group which bothers me)?
Is your comment something you want the general public to read or just me? I have no secrets, for a reason, and do not anticipate any problem reading about "comprehensive coverage of a Pakistani marriage". You might want to start a new thread that others may find interesting.
Death now can be a wonderful thing, yet death is held captive. Death is made to linger in its shackles of religion. It is held at bay by medical practices tainted with religious cultural dogma to withhold death's tranquil, freeing release into fading memories. Religion holds captive its audience made to fear it with the imaginations of uncertainty, with thoughts of heaven and hell and a damning god of deluded and harsh lies about death, for death is nothing more than the peace, which frees a leaf from the life-tree in its autumn; or in Spring, the mature seed, which is the memory planting the next generation of thought. We are life, each and everyone, and religion covets, hordes, and possesses our fruit, even our quiet transition. Life is death, and death is life through the cycles that breathe life's power into new forms in the shadows of old: Let lives live free, and free lives lived---set death free, so it can become an act of peace and an act of generosity...even love.
Biologically life and death are choice of moleculs to go organic and inorganic. In complex organic form they are life and in simple & inorganic form they represent dead.