People become introverts and loners on their death beds. I've noticed this in general and with people who i knew quite or fairly well. We die alone which is why people go scrambling to bond or correct or enforce the way they bonded with those they knew or loved.The petty grudges and flakiness of relationships get swept aside. I think what gives us the stamina to be alone and happy with our own company is we wont feel the need to do so much revision or back-pedaling or i like to think not.
I feel sort of guilty to be such an unforgiving hard-ass in secret having done my duty. Or done a curve ball on not being around because they never loved me to such an extent when they were not dying. Then again un-guilty because i fully morned the ones who did that died when i couldn't be there.
I'm wondering if this conditional love for those dying is to do with my atheism.
And a shocking thing to you atheists out there is that i believe people linger in consciousness for about a week AFTER they are dead. I never invited or wished these visitations when they happened and i say it from my gut its not sentimental projection or otherwise. I still think we do die but the astrale body is in a dream state consciouness of self and operative to telling us, or me anyway, " something you should know". It's been how they felt about themselves but didn't act upon fully in life.I heard-felt their presence and my father had an uncanny gift in the pub for it to occur to him so-and-so was not long for this world and they weren't! ! So now you know.....!