I have been thinking a lot about my position in life as an atheist.  Each of us have our own idea of what we are as an atheist but I am generally speaking as a person who was born into a world that is massively dilusional.  As a person who feels a little set back from who I could have been if I were raised to understand the world as a natural place opposed to being made by a creater; I have a hard time in knowing what to do next with my life.

  For some reason it is still difficult to come out from beneath the religous rock and just be free of it.  Should I fight or flight?  There is so much prejudice in this world already, do I become prejudice too?  How do you step back far enough to see yourself in this world as a person and not as a person who is being attacked?

  Each time you segregate yourself from what you think is bad you then have to ask yourself who am I being prejudiced to now.  I could use a rational or analogy of growing a garden.  You would not put your plants in death valley right?  But, people are people and we all have the same struggles in becoming successful and fruitful in our own experiences of life.

  We who see ourselves being victimized by government or society, whether true or seems to be true, need to continue caring for ourselves despite the injustice.  In the face of our depression we need to care for ourselves enough to be motivated in another day to live happily.  We have to construct a social community that works as well as care for our bodies. It is the daily maintenance that hangs me up because I feel so much lack of general support.  So, I have to reprogram my brain so to speak.  It is truly some heavy lifting in trying to relearn how to live a life that I was never trained to live.  Sure my old factory brain knows what to do, but my social conscience is constantly fighting the hypocrazies of the day. 

  This competition is almost unbarable when my family and profession constantly neglects to be empathetic to rational thought.  It is so deeply ingrained to its cultural habits salt and peppered with ideals and morals, social codes, and family values that do not match my own...I just feel lost.  I have to rediscover my own psychology and fix it so it is not being neglected in a  place that just stares back at me. 

  I just hope that I do not somehow neglect the world as I feel like it has neglected me.