Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Aaron S. (USA) on October 18, 2009 at 2:35pm

I don't feel like I know enough about your mother to recommend a particular action, but in my own case I found that my relationship with my mother improved dramatically after I came out, since I was apparently such a lost cause that she could stop trying to fix me :P It's made things run a lot more smoothly between us.

Permalink Reply by One Skeptical Mother on October 18, 2009 at 4:19pm

I have not been able to let my family know just how far my atheism goes, as yet. My family is very staunch Southern Baptist and they would be extremely uncomfortable with the thought of me being an atheist. So far, they know I don't attend church and am not raising my child as a church-goer. I think, at this point, they think I'm just too lazy to go to church and do not understand that is was a very calculated decision on my part.

I'm not so much worried about them just being angry. If that was my fear, I'd just tell them about my lack of belief. I know, from their perspective, they would be extremely worried about me. I don't want to put them through that. They would, literally, spend a majority of their time worrying about me going to hell. While their concerns are very ill-conceived, they do come from a geniune, loving place and I don't feel like I need to worry them at this point. My grandmother and my father would cry and worry about me spending my "afterlife" in hell. They would also blame themselves and think they did something wrong. While I despise much of their belief system, I understand their fears and know that nothing I can say would change their minds. You can't reason with faith that is rooted in fear of attrition.

Take your time. If you aren't lying about going to church and pretending to be a christian, you parents may be comfortable not actively "knowing" your beliefs have changed. Your mama sounds awesome, though. Give it time. And good luck! :)

Permalink Reply by Fred Rock on October 18, 2009 at 4:21pm

Tough decision. It does sound like your mom isn't exactly walking in lockstep with the fundamentalists. If it were me, I'd put out some more feelers - maybe talk about how your philosophy of life is changing, and see if she responds with some changes of her own. Has she responded negatively to non-believers in the past?