I got sick again last week, and I struggled once again with old tapes in my head saying, "This is what you get for feeling good. This is what happens when you m*t*rb*te. This is what happens when you have s*x without getting pregnant." and so on.
This time, I refuse to listen.
I heard another voice in my head that said, "God doesnt 'give you more than you can handle."
Well, if there is a God, he sure as heck gave me almost more that I could tolerate this summer.
I talked back to that voice. I said, "God, if you are indeed giving all this cr*p, such as my toothache, my female health problems, my flu, etc., this will NEVER make me believe in you let alone love you! I defy you! I hate you. You s***! If you are doing these things to me because you love me, this is NOT love! It's torture!"
I felt better talking back.
Oh, and I said, "Go ahead and punish me, God! It will NEVER win me over."
I am talking back to the brainwashing.