Hurt

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Joan Denoo on September 4, 2012 at 10:06pm

You don't! It is a part of you and all you can do is find healthier ways of thinking, being, relating, doing, and participating. Recognize Christian fundamentalism is a mental disorder that comes about in attempts to avoid fear, anger, shame, and guilt. Those feelings are real, and valid, and need to be addressed straight on. There is no one listening to your prayers, or giving you power that isn't already in you. There is no magic, unseeable, unknowable, untouchable being out there some where. What you need resides within you and your job is to reach in and find it. Trust yourself. It is when you don't trust yourself, when you reach for someone or something else to ease your pain, fear, embarrassment, or whatever feeling you have, that you cannot find your own strength. You have wisdom, strength, care, compassion, and you are its author. No appeal to god and no thanking god will do what you need to do for yourself. 

Permalink Reply by Joan Denoo on September 4, 2012 at 11:44pm

I agree, being part of a community was the most difficult part to leave behind and I thought I would never have such a close group of friends again. However, non-believers do find each other, and some form into groups and before long, there is a community of non-believers and the conversations are more stimulating, interesting, insightful and intelligent. All references to someone or something else solving ones problems are simply not there. Each individual knows that if there is a problem, it needs to be solved and sometimes more information is required. But the final responsibility rests with the individual. 

The notion of heaven and hell was very offensive to me and the stores that put fear into the hearts and minds of children was just plain wrong. It is important to build trust in oneself and also build a trust-worthy community that cares, has compassion, and sometimes helps. There is nothing wrong with being self-sufficient or needing information from others. What is wrong is to wait for some spirit to intervene on your behalf. It just isn't there. 

Permalink Reply by CD Free on September 5, 2012 at 7:19am

I walked away fairly recently, so the hurt is still quite raw, its been in the pipeline for a bit, but I've had the lightbulb moment. Its like an addiction, but I know it will get easier with time.

Permalink Reply by Joan Denoo on September 5, 2012 at 5:33pm

Good strategy, Mike Trevino, and by replacing negative self talk with positive information of new understanding, you can move faster. 

Permalink Reply by Joan Denoo on September 5, 2012 at 5:30pm

Excellent advice, Ed Catt, and good tools to build strength and confidence. 

I will add a tool to stop slipping back. Find a way that works for one to change the subject when a thought comes across your consciousness. One trick is to put a heavy duty rubber band on a wrist and whenever awareness of doubt or fear or confusion or whatever occurs, give the rubber band a sharp pull, enough to cause pain. This a negative reinforcement to stop reverting back to old ways of thinking. Anything that cause pain will do. Over time, avoidance of pain helps to stop thoughts. That is just a basic reward/punishment device that works for some. 

Permalink Reply by Joan Denoo on September 5, 2012 at 5:22pm

Ed Catt, I like your statement, "We all learned to think God into exsistance, and it will take some time to begin to "think God out of exsistance", and to learn to take responsibility for who you are. But it's definitely not impossible to do that!"

No one claims it is easy, but being free of indoctrination is definitely worth it. 

Permalink Reply by Troy Gorsline on September 5, 2012 at 8:30am

I am still not over it. I don't think I ever will.

Permalink Reply by Chuck Boyer on September 6, 2012 at 9:01am

Love this thread.

 

I was born into a CF family. Most of which are still in thrall to it. Felt I wasted roughly half my life wrestling with it all. For me it was a form of child abuse. Unacknowledged child abuse, but child abuse just the same.

 

And yes, it's my history. Can't change it, can't alter it in any way. But I can live in the present ... and that even with the shadow of that history omnipresent. And yes, I can't escape that past. That is, the memory of it--and the fact that that memory lives with me presently--and probably permanently. I sometimes wonder what my life would have been without its (nasty) intrusions. Or ought I say invasions?

 

There is life after CF.

 

Ironic that CF, also known as cystic fibrosis, I use to mean Christian Fundamentalism. And by the way, CF--i.e., the medical illness--took my son at 20 years of age.

 

Life happens.

 

And it's what happens in spite of religious dogma, religious extremism, religious persecution--religious child abuse. We are a so-called Christian nation, sad to say. But I iterate, there's life after religion. Abundant life, in fact. That life's here, omnipresent, for us--for me--to grab hold of, embrace, celebrate.

 

And love.