Hello.

 

I am dealing with loss of community issues here.

 

My aunt passed away (am bringing this up cause the grief is hitting me full swing now after 2 years of shock) in 2008, Christmas.

 

One of the main things ppl keep saying to me is, "Jencarlene she is in a better place, she is with God." and "Jencarlene, there is no reason to cry she would not want you to cry; she is watching you and probably mad at you for being such a snivelbutt."

 

Can't deal with this.

 

I am wondering if there are any grief groups on here so I can say words like "die" and "death" and "dead".

 

My aunt is dead.  I will never see her again.

 

I don't believe in heaven or God!

 

Jencarlene

Views: 17

Replies to This Discussion

Hi. To be honest, I don't give a flip that I don't believe in God anymore - it's been such a long time since I last did but I think if someone I love a lot dies, I will have the same struggle you are. It's only a matter of time before it happens to me to unless I go first.

I'm not sure though. I think about it a lot and I'm really not sure how I would react to losing someone I am very close too. It's not happened to me yet and believe me, I constantly dread the day it does happen to me. I am almost 50 and both of my parents are still living.

Sometimes I think to myself "Well who knows, maybe there are alternate universes or some strange woo thing that is true and we will be reunited with those we love someday but I will never ever know for sure in this lifetime and that is something I am 100% convinced of, so what's the point of thinking about it too much?"

There have been days when I felt 100% that there is absolutely no life after death and there are days I wonder about it but I know for a fact that I will never know the answer in my lifetime. There is no way to know and that I believe 100%. We should not be expected to know because there is no way to prove it. I don't care if Christians say "Well that's why you have to have faith". That is such BS! There are hundreds of religions out there that say "you have to have faith" and they all believe different things so what the hell are you exactly supposed to have faith in? What kind of God would put a human through such a crazy test? It would be like God saying "You must choose the right answer but you will be given absolutely no way to know what it is - just give it a stab and good luck! What a load of BS.

So I think maybe if when I lose someone I love, I might "hope" that I will see them some day again but also have to deal with the knowledge that I may not so it's a little complicated it seems to me.

Hope I'm not making you feel worse than you already are. I really want to help.
Hi Jencarlene, and BTW, you have a spectacular name. I am no expert on grief either, but I did google "atheist grief support" and got plenty of hits for groups. Also I googled "grieving process" and that yielded a lot of info.

My own experiences with grief over loss of loved ones, or even unloved ones (such as my father; that was interesting), have been troublesome at best, so I can empathize. I have no advice, but I can say, as a purebred non-theist, that I do not have any problems with death. There was a time in my life when I was very afraid, but I see it now as the final adventure. I have some idea what my own mental processes will be, because I have come close a few times and had the opportunity to think about and try to prepare for it.

The reason I say this is that my only choice, really, when I think about the deaths of people I have loved is to assume they went there in (psychological) ways similar to my own. Some were religious, some not; some were quick or immediate, some long and drawn out. It's such a strange subject, because every being that has ever lived has died or will die, and yet we have this survival instinct that tells us we should try not to, and that it is a decidedly negative thing.

I had a grandmother, my most beloved relative, who died in 1979, when I was in my early 20s. She had had a few heart attacks, and when the last one came, I am sure she was ready, because I know for a fact she was ready when she survived the previous ones. She was mildly religious but not devout, and the subject never came up.

Then, and now more thoughtfully, I view death as life's unavoidable end, and my job regarding others' deaths is to honor their lives, of which their deaths are an essential part. It can be terrifically painful to lose the important people in life, but I believe death is an objective good. I grieve the absence of those I have loved, but even that is entirely human, and something to be embraced wholeheartedly, not something to be treated as if it were an illness.

I'm sorry the memory of your aunt's death is causing you pain; she must have been a wonderful force in your life, and it sounds like she still is. Nothing at all wrong with that; it's something to celebrate.

Cliff
ty ppl.

I will google atheist groups for grief.

I have been searching for support online and all I get is a bunch of christian places.

I tried to join one and they never approved my membership (I never told them I was an atheist).

Then I found this place, friends@BelovedHearts, emailed them for some one-on-one and no one ever got back to me.

Some help.

I will google atheist groups and see if I get a less wishy-washy, ignorant attitude and maybe someone will be intelligent and answer me.

J.
me again.

If anyone can please recommend a specific group or forum or site, please let me know.

I am having trouble finding actual forums for grief, just information about books and blogs.

I did join one called Godless Grief, but they have to approve me before I can even log in.

I need help now.

It is almost the weekend and some places take days to approve me.

to anyone who needs a group now, I have started a yahoo group called surviving a loss. You can email us at surviving_a_loss-subscribe@yahoogroups.com.

It is not a pure atheist group, but we will not push religion on anyone. It is secular.

We need more members.

J.

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