Hey, Jencarlene here. :)
More problems going on.
See, for the past 3 years, I have been going to OA online and as I have come out of the closet as an atheist (partially, never really overtly came out, but have been sharing ideas in the room and on the email loop that are a little controversial. Things like accepting my emotions and myself exactly as i am and not feeling guilty and repentant.
Well, i got banned from the room last week and called them on it. I said to them, "I did nothing wrong to deserve banning, you accuse me of being vulgar and harrassing members when I never swear or say "dirty" things online and NEVER harrass members! Why did you ban me? Out with it!" I of course used more polite wording.
Well, the administrator of the room replied to me with what I know now is a lie, because later they retaliated against me for complaining. The admin basically "apologized" to me and told me there was a mixup/mistake. She and a couple of other members seemed genuinely apologetic and promised not to do it again.
Anyway, I logged on the next day and no one said hello to me on the room, and when I asked them if I was in the room (sometimes when the room is quiet it means theres a netsplit) no one answered.
I went on the "help" room to see what the problem might be. 2 people were there that had helped me with a tech problem before and neither one of them, this time, asked me if they could be any help. (I understand now that there was probable a retaliation from them, too.)
While I was trying to figure out how to approach them, I was suddenly kicked out of the room, with no way to log back on.
I then emailed the admin again and told her, "I don't know what happened, but I was kicked out of the room with no warning or explanation. Whatever is going on, I don't need to deal with it anymore. It is clear to me that i am not wanted here."
Additionally, I am still struggling with brainwashing by religion, and have decided to abandon 12 step programs altogether because I am sick of everyone there being so "magically thinking" and weird toward me, esp. cause I do not appear to be "humble" enough. I feel as though they are dogging me out because I am not a believer or have faith in a "Higher Power".
They seem to want to drag ppl thru the mud if these ppl show any self-esteem or independent thought.
I miss the community, but I do not miss the way 12 step people have been treating me for the past 25 years.