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Vegemite, the food of the Gods (+ Eggs a la Cardiac Arrest)

Vegemite - it's very name brings terror to grown men, but life without it for me would not be worth living. Certainly an acquired taste, and it is much overlooked as an all-purpose culinary delight.

What is it ? It was a food of necessity, originating during the produce scarcity of the Great War. The sludge from the bottom of beer vats is high in nutrients, but was was often simply discarded or used as fertiliser or feed stock. Add one food technologist and one brain explosion and, voila!, you have vegemite.

I actually use it quite a bit in cooking as a salt substitute. It is superb in tomato and meat based italian, most casseroles and soups like minestrone. The hydrolysed yeast protein has the added affect of making cheaper cuts of meat more tender with slow cooking. It is, IMHO, a miracle food - weight for weight, it should be in any true survivalists larder. Now to the recipe -

Eggs a la Cardiac Arrest

Ingredients (variable and to taste)

Vegemite
Thick white toasting bread
The stinkiest, crumbliest cheddar cheese you can find
Eggs
Milk
Spring onions
Ground black pepper
Hot paprika
Dried oregano or mixed Italian herbs
Real butter
(optional, for obsessive carnivores - ham)

Method

* Generously butter bread and thickly smear vegemite on one side

* Combine and whisk eggs, milk, oregano, black pepper and hot paprika

* Thinly slice spring onions

* Heat fry pan with plenty of butter. When it begins to bubble and brown, add spring onions and cook until tender

* Add egg mixture and scramble to desired consistency

* Spoon a generous amount of eggs over vegemite bread. Too much is better than enough.

* Place thick slice of cheddar on eggs and cover with another piece of bread vegemite side down.

* Generously butter outer sides of bread

* Heat a toasted sandwich maker [*] until it's technically "fucking hot"

* Insert sandwiches, close and seal. If you don't have to strain to close it and stuff doesn't ooze everywhere, you aren't doing it right

* Cook until bread is browned to your liking. Don't worry about the noises - it will sizzle, fart, belch and spit dairy fat everywhere. This is a good sign.

* Try and remove sandwiches without breaking them too much and place on serving plates

* Scrape the burnt stuff out off the sandwich maker (trust me, they are the best bits) and garnish sandwiches

* Spoon up all off the crap that has leaked everywhere and spread it onto the rim of the plate

* Throw out sandwich maker because it is probably now a fire / electrocution hazard

* Serve

Best.Hangover.Cure.Ever. Bon apetit.

I have fed this to Merkins, and not only have they survived, they liked it so much they requested encore performances.

[*] - toasted sandwich maker. Don't know how universal they are. They look like this:

The critical thing is the areas that seal the sandwich outline. Everything trapped between them essentially deep fries and is extra crispy. In lieu of one, peasants can make do with a waffle iron or a focaccia press.

Tags: food of the gods, marmite sucks, vegemite

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Фелч Гроган on August 12, 2009 at 9:07am

Please report back. I was tempted to add that this recipe isn't a joke - because it isn't. It is a hangover breakfast favourite with everyone thats ever tried it.

Permalink Reply by Фелч Гроган on August 12, 2009 at 9:29am

It should be available at good health food stores. I have seen it in LA and Tampa. Find a hippie, they'll point you in the right direction, or better an Australian. And yes, it is a mega B hit.

Permalink Reply by Little Name Atheist on August 12, 2009 at 10:06am

I've seen it in stores in the US. The first co-op I was ever a member of carried it, which is when I first had it, back in the early 80s. Import stores should have it, and I've heard that Safeway in CA carries it.

I'm going to look locally, as I want to try your recipe, felch.

Permalink Reply by Little Name Atheist on August 12, 2009 at 9:57am

Toasted sandwich makers are available in the US. We had one made out of cast iron that we used to put on the grill, or hold over a fire. I'm pretty sure electric models are available here, too.

The burnt stuff is often the best part. I love me some cracklins.

Permalink Reply by sacha on August 12, 2009 at 2:50pm

Sorry Felch. Vegemite does not hold a candle to Marmite (The UK version)

Permalink Reply by Little Name Atheist on August 12, 2009 at 3:15pm

Maybe it's time for a Marmite/Vegemite Off. Who in the group has travel vouchers they can pass out so we can all meet in a central location?

Permalink Reply by Luke on August 17, 2009 at 7:56pm

Yuck!!!!!!!!!!!! Marmite is dreadful!

Permalink Reply by Jared Lardo on August 12, 2009 at 7:42pm

Fuck, man, I need to convince somebody in Australia to send me some.

Permalink Reply by Chrys Stevenson on August 13, 2009 at 12:21am

Because I'm not as sadistic as Felch, may I suggest that if you lay your hands on a bottle of Vegemite, start by spreading a lot of butter on a piece of toast or a cracker biscuit and then just a scratching, a very small amount of Vegemite - at least to start.

If you've never had Vegemite before and you spread it thickly I can pretty well guarantee it's gonna make you gag.

It is great stuff (although I prefer Promite which is a bit sweeter and I have that on my breakfast toast every morning.). But Vegemite is an acquired taste. Get used to the taste first before you decide to slather it on with gay abandon.

Oh, apparently World Market and some Safeway stores carry Vegemite.

Permalink Reply by Lisa French on September 2, 2009 at 6:52am

Marmite is one of the worst things I've ever tasted! But a cheese or chocolate toastie is great food when you've come in after having a few too many to drink (and couldn't find a chip shop on the way home!).

Permalink Reply by Mel on August 18, 2009 at 12:28am

I'm a Sanitarium brand Marmite girl myself. But that does sound very very good.

Permalink Reply by Chrys Stevenson on September 2, 2009 at 6:13am

We've just been discussing whether to be brave and try the new "name me" Vegemite, which is a combination of butter, cream cheese and vegemite. There's a competition to name it, and the best suggestion so far, I think is: Butt Cheese Mite {splork}

I think I'll buy a small jar next time I go shopping - I can always throw it out if it's disgusting.