Trust Issues -- caused by Bullying as a child
I have an article below about the effects of bullying to you -- I suffer from trust issues. Anyone else have any issues caused by bullying.
By: Alice Langholt
Verbal bullying is as damaging to the psychological health of a child as physical bullying is to physical health. Long term effects can range from self-esteem issues to depression and even homicidal or suicidal thoughts. It's important for parents to help their children overcome the damage from psychological bullying to enable them to avoid these long term effects. Adults who have endured bullying as a child have reported having trouble holding a job, maintaining or starting relationships and taking adequate care of themselves. A damaged self esteem is the root cause of all of these problems.
Verbal Bullying Defined
Verbal bullying is characterized by repeated harassment, degrading put-downs, exclusion and humiliation, in any combination. The repetition causes the damage to be deeply internalized until the victim believes that he/she is not good enough, unworthy of friendship and love and incapable of success. The inner monologue of the victim repeats the harmful words, reinforcing the damage.
Repairing the Damage
Know that recovery is a process. Even after the bullying has stopped, the damage remains. The healing powers of time and talking to your child may not be enough, but it is an important start.
Children need to know their parents are supportive and empathetic, not blaming them or thinking that they are weak or deserving of the punishment they suffered from the bully. Parents should do what they can to show love, to provide positive and appropriate praise and to give opportunities for success to their child. The child needs to feel safe, capable and loved, both at home and at school. Schools must take an active role to prevent bullying. Sometimes parents need to get involved, informing teachers and school administrators to remove the bully from the school or to separate a child from a bully.
Encourage your child to have social opportunities in a safe setting with good friends. Don't force it. If your child is reluctant, try some role playing to make her feel empowered to return to social situations without anxiety. If your child remains withdrawn, seek the help of a psychologist to help put the harassment in a proper perspective and allow your child to rebuild his self esteem.
Get help. A child therapist is an expert at helping children recover their self worth. If your child was ill you would take her to the doctor. For emotional trouble, a child therapist is needed. As the parent, your support is absolutely essential to your child's recovery. Your child will thank you by becoming a successful and well-adjusted adult.
maintaining or starting relationships -- it's very hard to have any kind of relationship when you have a problem with trust issues
So -- how do you go about repairing the damage done?
This article mostly addresses children -- perhaps one for adults would be better.
Well, for starters, I'm terribly hypervigilant (meaning I can't take a joke). I also tend to react badly to being yelled at or otherwise scolded -- once I start crying, it's hard for me to stop. I can't really make friends, and I balk at the thought of having a relationship of any kind. I go on mental self-hating rampages when I make a mistake. Plus, I'm afraid of rejection.
Ahh, I'm such a mess...
Ah .. me too. I actually have no real life friends myself .. just the online variety. I just don't trust people and after I catch them lying to me the relationship is ended. I just can't deal with liars.
I can't stand that, either! It makes me feel really stupid for trusting them in the first place...
Also, I think I'm actually attracting bullies! Lately, it seems like I'm such an easy target. I feel like this'll make me crazy someday!!
Oh yeah .. same here. I feel stupid for even trusting them --- I should of seen the it coming. Sometimes I ignore signals they give me ... and I should always go with my gut feeling .. because I am usually always right. I guess it was wishful thinking ...
I know, right? You finally feel like you have a real friend, and before you know it, they show their true colors. =3=
Yes, that's exactly it. It just happened to me recently in fact. So now I am even less trusting of others. I just don't want to take the risk again. Do you know what I mean?
Cool .. it's nice to have someone to talk with about this. Thanks for being here.
I have never been the victim of a prolonged episode of bullying but I have had a few really terrible things happen to me. The most memorable of these occurred when I was in my senior year of college. One freezing, snowy day I was waiting to take the bus back to the apartment complex I was living in. Several different buses used the same stop so I had to ask sighted people which bus was coming. I had been at the stop for about ten minutes when a bus pulled up. So, I asked the guy next to me which bus it was. The number he gave me was not the one I was looking for so I went back under the shelter. When the bus was gone he laughed and told me that the bus that just left was the one I wanted. He said he’d seen me on it before. Then he and another guy started pelting me with snowballs and teasing me. When I tried to avoid the snowballs they threw them harder. Eventually I realized that I had to stand there and let them throw snow at me.
Several minutes later they stopped throwing snow and left. While they were leaving a girl told me she knew I’d never be able to identify them. She was, of course, right. By the time I got home I was covered in snow, my right eye was swollen and my coat was covered with blood that had fallen from my nose.
In the aftermath of that attack I found myself hesitating in situations when I knew I would have to trust people. For a few years I would do everything I could to be as independent as possible because I wasn’t sure how much I could trust someone I didn’t already know.
Now, with 15 years of hindsight, I’ve come to realize that sometimes you just have to trust. In my position I really have no choice because if I want to do something as simple as grocery shopping I need to rely on a sighted employee of the store to help me find what I need. While I really wish society was more conducive to my being independent and while I still do as much as I can for myself I do think being forced to trust to a small degree has been good for me. I can’t say that it’s made me the most social person but I can say that it’s helped me realize that there are some good people in the world. That knowledge gives me hope and encourages me to keep looking to find more good people. That’s one of the biggest reasons I joined this site—I thought I would meet more like-minded people.
I guess that’s enough ranting from me on this topic. I wish you both the best of luck.
That's such an terrible story Jonathan. I wish I could of been there to stop them. I am glad to have you on the site. It seems we have some things in common. Go ahead and rant .. I enjoy hearing from you.