Interfaith relationships

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Permalink Reply by Miranda on November 5, 2009 at 6:31pm

He is 24 and I have met his dad about 2 or 3 times. I have met his brother numerous times along with his mother. His mother and brother are more acceptable, His father on the other hand is a retired minister. Very closed minded however very nice a reasonable otherwise. His mother comes from a family of mixed religions and her mother and father have always been very unhappy because of it. Also his mother and father had been married for 25 years and about 9 months ago got a divorce. That could have a lot with his acceptance. He could be very very scared that it will end up like his grandma and grandpa or end in a messy divorce like his parents. I'm not giving up on the relationship but it's hard to not turn bitter a little. I'm hanging in there because it will be absolutely worth it if we get passed this ridiculousness.

At any rate thanks for your help, it was encouraging to hear that men outnumber atheist women. This is the first non atheist I have ever dated so hopefully if I must move on someday it will only get easier and easier to find a good guy.

At this point I am putting all my faith in this and with fingers crossed he will see the light! :)

Permalink Reply by Miranda on November 30, 2009 at 1:54am

Thanks Everyone for the comments. A small update on the issue is I have been talking to his father a lot and although he seems to not struggle at all in his faith I actually think I am getting somewhere being accepted. His dad loves me actually!! Thinking in the long run, who knows what will happen, but his dads approval is definitely making the decision process for Pierce run much smoother. We have not yet resolved all the issues with it but we are moving ahead. Thats all that I care about, however if we become stuck in neutral I will for sure set a date for him to " get over it and hit the road" or accept it already. I can't explain how grateful I am for this site and all your comments!!

Permalink Reply by Fr33think3r on December 1, 2009 at 10:28pm

Note: I make no claim to be good at this.

Pierce needs to be honest and open with his family and himself. If you are the person he wants to be with then it is his responsibility to stand up for you. This is his problem not yours.

My wife is a believer. With a few exceptions, everyone in her family are all believers. She was raise Catholic and her mother attended mass every day. We have been together more than 15 years. My identity as a freethinker has evolved into full atheism. She accepts me because she knows the person that I am and likes that person. I believe in her and love her. She has rejected Catholicism and is searching for a faith system. If someone where to attack her belief system and I felt that she was having a hard time I would come to help her. She would do the same for me, I hope.

My point is that right now it doesn't sound like Pierce can stand for himself. Therefore, he cannot stand with you if needed. There are many couples that stay happy despite having different world views. But, I would bet that those couples identify themselves as a one unit.

The way my wife and I see it, it is us versus the world.

Permalink Reply by Carla Tam on December 1, 2009 at 11:51pm

I am sorry to say, I think that your relationship will not work out, and I think it is better to end it sooner rather than later. Family is obviously important to him, as are their opinions about him and about who he is dating. This, I think, will not change. If you are not willing to "convert" to Christianity for him, you should end it. Good luck.

Permalink Reply by Us on December 24, 2009 at 12:07am

I feel that this is a recipe for disaster. My husband was previously married to a woman who was apostolic pentecostal and he was an atheist. Needless to say he's married to me now. Religion is a big deal and what happens when you have kids if he is waiting until you're married to break out the "religion card". If he's not willing to fully discuss it with you, that is a warning flag. If you're about to get married he should feel comfortable talking to you about anything.