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Hang With Friends

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Come on in, pull up a chair!

Picture yourself spending some time with congenial friends, sharing your lives and pictures from your cell phones." They're curious about that cool game, song, movie, camping trip, art show, or other event that fascinated you. You talk about all kinds of stuff, poetry, styles, personal achievements, relationships, and bad days. You can share your inner child, and laugh together. They sympathetically listen to your feelings about serious topics like politics or climate change, even when they don't agree.

Personal validation comes from paying attention to one another, giving more than you get. Everyone respects you and themselves, despite our amazing range of personal tastes and interests. They'll tell you they don't agree with an idea or behavior without implying you're a bad person or somehow deficient. It's an "I'm OK, You're OK" kind of fellowship, where nobody tries to make himself look better by picking on somebody else.

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Discussion Forum

Optical Illusions

Started by Ruth Anthony-Gardner. Last reply by sk8eycat on Sunday. 60 Replies

This one seems a bit creepy, like the middle one shouldn't be able to change rotation like that. from Cheezburger.comContinue

Ebola Drug From BC

Started by Patricia on Friday. 0 Replies

Ebola drug fast tracked.....http://www.cbc.ca/1.2731250B.C.'s Tekmira gets FDA approval to fast track Ebola drugContinue

Ebola Researcher from BC

Started by Patricia. Last reply by The Flying Atheist on Friday. 1 Reply

From our news......Young scientist garnering international attention for Ebola research…Continue

Ozone Recovering?

Started by Patricia on Thursday. 0 Replies

http://shar.es/11RhRK Following a harrowing depletion in recent decades, Earth's protective ozone layer, high in the planet's atmosphere, is on the track to recovery, according to a new report released today…Continue

what boobs are good for

Started by dr kellie. Last reply by Larry Sep 5. 84 Replies

I discovered a brilliant new way to avoid  having xians ring my doorbell in attempt to share the good news with me.  Just now, I was in my kitchen, washing dishes and finding something to eat, when I looked out the large window above my sink.  Two…Continue

Your favorite photobombs?

Started by Ruth Anthony-Gardner. Last reply by Ruth Anthony-Gardner Aug 25. 10 Replies

Running of the bulls photobomb.Continue

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Comment by Ashley West on January 9, 2013 at 3:53pm

Hello, everyone. This is my first time commenting on here but once I saw this I just wanted to share something. My dad was an alcoholic before I was even born, and my childhood was spent trying to avoid his temper, or any other dangerous positions he decided to try and put me in. Thankfully my mom left him before he could do any serious damage to me. Like you, Melinda, I cannot tolerate alcohol very well myself these days. I don't know if its a physical reaction to the memory of my father or if I just really can't handle it but it always makes me sick. I know the feeling of growing up and starting to drink too just to try and cope with the other people around you that are doing it, but it just makes the situation worse. At least for me it does.

I am glad for those that have had the problem that have gotten themselves help. It's very hard to overcome, or so it seems with my family. 

By the way, Melinda, that is the cutest picture. My dog used to chase his tail all the time but I don't think he ever caught it. ;-)

Comment by John Lynch on January 9, 2013 at 11:13am

I know my children like me sober over being drunk. My wife put up with me for eleven years before he had enough. I am thankful she did or who knows what that would have led. My ex and I were getting along fairly well until she found out I was an atheist. She began sending me emails with religious messages. I sent her some information on the bible and it seems she did not care for facts. I have not heard from her in some time. I am quite sure my daughter is an atheist and my son is more an agnostic. I do not tell them what to believe or not to believe. 

Comment by booklover on January 9, 2013 at 10:58am

Sorry to hear that John.  I don't even tolerate alcohol very well.  At the most I can have 3 beers, and that will usually give me a big 'buzz', but sometimes it doesn't at all.  I have a bad stomach and can't drink hard-liquor, but when I did I could never have more than a couple.  I could never keep drinking either.  A few beers, then the feeling goes away and I can't drink another drop.  Weird.  A lot of drugs don't have any effect on me either.  I've been given lots of morphine after 2 different surgeries, and it did absolutely nothing.  The nurse said I should have been passed-out!  Oh well!  My Mom is not a good drinker.  I don't like to be around her when she drinks, which is not often, but after a couple she is 'sloppy.'  My husband could have 2 drinks or 5 but you can never tell he's had a drop.  He usually has a beer or 2 after work, or one mixed-drink and that's it.

I think my father had a drug-problem too.  My Mom isn't sure, but she thinks he was in jail for a while when we were kids, and that his parents hid it from her.  She just kind of heard things from other relatives and friends that made her suspect it.

His second wife had 2 kids, and they used to have to step over all the passed-out drunk people on the floor on their way to school because my father and their mother would have parties.  They quit speaking to him when she died from alcoholism.

I know it's a disease, and I think it's wonderful when people can help themselves.  I don't think my father wanted help.  He just wanted my grandparents to keep supporting him their whole lives.  I had a friend (she broke-up with me over my posting Atheist things on Facebook, lol) who once told me to never tell her husband that she felt she had a drinking problem, because he would say they should quit drinking and she didn't ever want to quit.  They are both alcoholics.  Her father died from alcohol too, so you'd think she'd want to try, but no.  Her son (my son's age~18) told my son MANY times over the years how much he resents his parents drinking.

Comment by John Lynch on January 9, 2013 at 9:59am

I see that some of us has a common link to drunk fathers. My problem is mine never left. Many times I wished he would never come back when he left fr work. I guess the bigger problem was three of his sons, me included, turned to alcohol. I finally sobered up in AA when I was still a believer. I cannot deny it gave me a place to go. I still go to a few meetings but have trouble listening when god speak is in abundance. Some of them you can get through without to much god. Of course I do not join in the prayer after the meeting. I stand aside or just leave.I am not sure I have grown up myself but I am responsible in everyday living. I have a tough time in social gatherings. I never had the problem when drinking. I at least thought I was the life of the party until the next day. 

Comment by booklover on January 9, 2013 at 7:19am

Thanks Chris! :)

Comment by Plinius on January 9, 2013 at 6:50am

Congrats, Melinda! I hope the next 25 years will be better still! And there's nothing wrong with a boring life - especially after troubles with fathers.

Comment by booklover on January 9, 2013 at 6:27am

Thanks for telling me your story Felaine!  That must've been so hard.  My 'father' was the handsome, fun, popular guy in high school.  The problem was that he never grew up.  Couldn't handle having responsibilities.  My Grandma made excuses for him (her favorite) his whole life.  He partied his whole life and then died from it.  My Mom said the first 4 years with me he was a wonderful parent when he was with me.  She said he was fun-loving (obviously!), caring, funny, open-minded, a prankster, etc.  Just couldn't handle taking care of himself even.  His whole life he couldn't.  He would always say he loved us, through phone-calls at my Grandparents house, and then I talked on the phone with him once when I was an adult.  He told my cousin, on his death-bed, that he really loved us.  Ummm, he didn't even know us!!!!  I never felt sad, never cared.  I did wish he wouldn't have been the way he was, but he was, so that was that!  I had a very stable home with one very stable Mom, and 2 sets of stable Grandparents.  That's life!  My kids have had the same parents their entire childhood, my husband and I have been married for 25 years TODAY! lol.  They have always lived in the exact same home, etc.  Boring! :)  I hope I am making sense too!  My husband is up since 5:30 fixing the furnace, so I got up too!

Hope everyone has a good Wednesday!  ~ Melinda

Comment by sk8eycat on January 9, 2013 at 12:16am

Well, I've been awake for 36+ hours now, and still don't feel sleepy...but I'm tired!  And not making much sense.  Just thought I'd check in and let y'all know I'm reading your posts, laughing at (and printing) all the silly animal pics, and I really do appreciate all your "welcome back" notes and stuff.

To Melinda...my biggest problem with my dad's drinking was that for the first 10 years of my life, he was my hero.  He was a very intelligent man, and he was interested in a lot of different things....boating, astronomy, parrots, cats, books.  On my 6th birthday he took me to the library, showed the clerk my birth certificate, and voila...I had my very own library card! 

I didn't notice that his drinking was out of control till I was 12 or 13, but mother said it started when I was in 5th grade.  Anyway, he just gradually became a stupid stumblebum...mostly only at home. I was ashamed to have my friends come to our house (so we gathered at their homes), and when I started dating in high school I NEVER ONCE introduced any of my boyfriends to him. Never even let them come to the door. I would wait outside for my dates to pick me up.  I didn't want anyone to see him almost passed out on the sofa or trying to be sociable, but slurring his words, obviously drunk.  (This was the 1950s...."Father Knows Best" time.)

Joining Holiday a few weeks after graduation was such a relief!  I didn't have to pretend anymore because we never played anywhere within 1,000 miles of SoCal. (We toured mostly in the midwest and the deep south, and ended the tours by playing Mexico City for a whole month! We loved THAT!)

I was on the road when there was one of those "confrontations" here, and he was dragged, kicking and screaming (well...not really, but reluctantly) to one of those drying-out hospitals.  It worked for him, but I think even today those places have only about a 50% success rate. If that.

But he was sober. So I came home and went to work for him....he had a small bookkeeping and tax preparation practice.  I was always rotten in arithmetic in school, but with a good old Addo-X, I found that balancing ledgers and reconciling bank statements could be fun.  I've always liked solving puzzles, and that's what it feels like to me, even now.

Years and years later, after he died, I finally figured out why he always refused to have anything to do with AA...I'm pretty sure he was a closeted atheist.  Mother, raised in the buybull belt, was the only one who talked about god and Jeebus and heaven and hell, and dragged me to Sunday school when I was little.

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it. 

 

Comment by Patricia on January 8, 2013 at 8:04pm

Not for awhile yet Steph, but thanks anyway.

Comment by Steph S. on January 8, 2013 at 6:09pm

I love that booklover!!

I am taking it for my collection.

You are right Melinda (booklover) you should not care what others think about you.

Congrats on your anniversary Patricia.

 

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