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Hang With Friends

Location: Earth
Members: 839
Latest Activity: 8 hours ago

Come on in, pull up a chair!

Picture yourself spending some time with congenial friends, sharing your lives and pictures from your cell phones." They're curious about that cool game, song, movie, camping trip, art show, or other event that fascinated you. You talk about all kinds of stuff, poetry, styles, personal achievements, relationships, and bad days. You can share your inner child, and laugh together. They sympathetically listen to your feelings about serious topics like politics or climate change, even when they don't agree.

Personal validation comes from paying attention to one another, giving more than you get. Everyone respects you and themselves, despite our amazing range of personal tastes and interests. They'll tell you they don't agree with an idea or behavior without implying you're a bad person or somehow deficient. It's an "I'm OK, You're OK" kind of fellowship, where nobody tries to make himself look better by picking on somebody else.

Nobody here is into mind games. A discussion started with a loaded guilt-throwing question will be deleted.

This group is not intended to compete with other groups on topics they cover but to "fill in the cracks." Whenever a discussion dwells at length on a topic for which there's an existing group, we urge you to provide members a link to that group to continue along their tangent.

A comment is a shout-out, which will get lost in a few days, because the comment wall is just a random stack.

Please start a discussion to share stories, photos, and videos. Replies will pop up in your "latest activity" and a conversation can develop from the feelings and thoughts you contributed. Groups are built on discussions.

Discussion Forum

Optical Illusions

Started by Ruth Anthony-Gardner. Last reply by sk8eycat on Sunday. 60 Replies

This one seems a bit creepy, like the middle one shouldn't be able to change rotation like that. from Cheezburger.comContinue

Ebola Drug From BC

Started by Patricia on Friday. 0 Replies

Ebola drug fast tracked.....http://www.cbc.ca/1.2731250B.C.'s Tekmira gets FDA approval to fast track Ebola drugContinue

Ebola Researcher from BC

Started by Patricia. Last reply by The Flying Atheist on Friday. 1 Reply

From our news......Young scientist garnering international attention for Ebola research…Continue

Ozone Recovering?

Started by Patricia on Thursday. 0 Replies

http://shar.es/11RhRK Following a harrowing depletion in recent decades, Earth's protective ozone layer, high in the planet's atmosphere, is on the track to recovery, according to a new report released today…Continue

what boobs are good for

Started by dr kellie. Last reply by Larry Sep 5. 84 Replies

I discovered a brilliant new way to avoid  having xians ring my doorbell in attempt to share the good news with me.  Just now, I was in my kitchen, washing dishes and finding something to eat, when I looked out the large window above my sink.  Two…Continue

Your favorite photobombs?

Started by Ruth Anthony-Gardner. Last reply by Ruth Anthony-Gardner Aug 25. 10 Replies

Running of the bulls photobomb.Continue

Comment Wall

Comment

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Comment by booklover on January 19, 2013 at 8:26am

Joan, you are right!  My Mom has even said that even though she and my father truly loved each other, she knew in her heart he would always be a 'playboy' and not someone who would be able to handle responsibility.  She wanted to get the hell away from her Mother.  She loved my Grandpa, but he would just stay quiet to keep the peace with my grandmother.  That makes me mad about him.  My grandmother was not an alcoholic or anything, just a bad mother and truly a bitch! She physically took care of her children, but mentally was horrible to them.

I think that my getting married so young was also because I wanted the security of having a husband.  My Mom was single again at the time, and  I was sharing a room with my sister.  I didn't have any real plan for after high school.  I went to community college and worked part-time, both off and on because of anxiety and panic-attacks (and we didn't know what they were at the time, I just thought I was crazy in a way my friends weren't), and I clung to my boyfriend, now my husband.  I'm lucky I chose a stable man who turned out to be a really good husband and father, but we had to grow-up together along the way. 

Comment by Joan Denoo on January 19, 2013 at 1:55am

Grinning Cat, this is a wonderful resource. I can't imagine I have never seen or heard of it before. Thank you so much. The language is strong, it does not mince words, and it is a powerful message. Thanks.
"A thriving church community can be an amazing thing. But it is the people who make that happen, not any imaginary being."

The bible is repulsive

Comment by Grinning Cat on January 19, 2013 at 12:50am

Future wrote, a page or two ago:

In my vision of a perfect world, all churches would be shuttered not because they had no choice, but because their members started thinking critically and left.

In line with Joan Denoo's comment, we can hope they'll become secular fellowships that do things to improve the world, as the author of Why Won't God Heal Amputees would like to see:

What About Churches
[...]
A thriving church community can be an amazing thing. But it is the people who make that happen, not any imaginary being. Once the imaginary being is gone, churches continue to exist as communities of people who enjoy each others' company, who help one another in times of need, and who focus on goodness and good deeds for the benefit of society as a whole. What's not to like about that? By removing the imaginary being, church attendance may actually go up, because a strong church has a lot to offer.

Comment by Ruth Anthony-Gardner on January 18, 2013 at 11:09pm

Great video, Joan! Thanks. I have to share that in Parenting Little Heathens too. Have a great night, all.

Comment by Joan Denoo on January 18, 2013 at 9:48pm
Comment by Joan Denoo on January 18, 2013 at 7:30pm
Melinda, your mother must have had a mighty challenge to overcome to become such a good mom to you. Having a mother who was so hard on her, it makes me wonder if she was running away from her mother and sadly married a man with a problem. Did she know it when she married him?
There were a lot of grown women whose parents were alcoholic in my classes in the Displaced Homemaker Program. Many of these women ran away from mothers and/or fathers, but failed to see the problems they were getting into with the choice of a marriage partner. There is a common saying among social workers, children of addictive parents choose addictive spouses even if they do not have a problem. We often had women who married one addicted husband after another. Their addiction is addicted spouses.
Comment by booklover on January 18, 2013 at 7:14pm

Just some lighter-fare thrown in with our serious conversations!  Smiles are good for us! :)

Comment by booklover on January 18, 2013 at 7:12pm

Thanks Joan.  I actually have a wonderful Mom.  It was HER mother (my Grandma) who was a bitch.  I feel bad my Mom had to grow-up having her as a mother.  I didn't fare so well in the father department, but I had 3 absolutely wonderful Grandparents and my wonderful Mom and Sister while I grew-up.  Not an ideal childhood, but a good one.

You are one amazing woman Joan!  You went through so much and came out on the other side so well and having raised 3 terrific children.  I'm glad to know you.  I love to hear your stories and learn from you.~ Melinda

Comment by Joan Denoo on January 18, 2013 at 6:48pm

sk8eycat, I really like your most recent comment ... right on target! Your idea of a profit/loss statement made public is a good one. The loop-holes in tax requirements need to be re-evaluated and probably closed up. Who benefits by them, anyway? Your chart on Federal Deficit/Surplus tells us what we need to know. Now, how did Clinton do it? Or was it smoke and mirrors? 

According to the report:

"The Clinton years showed the effects of a large tax increase that Clinton pushed through in his first year, and that Republicans incorrectly claim is the "largest tax increase in history." It fell almost exclusively on upper-income taxpayers. Clinton’s fiscal 1994 budget also contained some spending restraints. An equally if not more powerful influence was the booming economy and huge gains in the stock markets, the so-called dot-com bubble, which brought in hundreds of millions in unanticipated tax revenue from taxes on capital gains and rising salaries."

Now, how do we see a bobble forming before it splatters blood all over the place? 

Comment by Joan Denoo on January 18, 2013 at 6:39pm

booklover and  Lillie, it is really hard to heal wounds that go so deeply as with problems with our parents. When I started doing my family genealogy, I had the opportunity to track down birthplaces of many of my ancestors on both side. Few knew the deep dark secrets of their ancestry. "We never talk about that!" many would say to me as I asked questions. Talking to genealogy librarians, descendants of other common ancestry, court and church records, and understanding the moral and ethical customs of their times, I found out our history that could not be talked about.

This information gave me insight into why they acted the way they did, why they thought and related that was so unhealthy. Thankfully, by learning effective and efficient communication ways, how to speak assertively and listen actively, how to identify problems, to develop a vision of a preferred future, create action plans and the value of taking risks, I was able to make the kinds of changes that were healthy. 

For me, it was violence in the family, but there are many other ways to cause harm to a new life that last their lifetime. Something very shattering, something strong enough to break old patterns then becomes your gift. 

One of the things I did in therapy was concentrate on remembering the strength I gained from each of them, build on those strengths and develop new skills that they were unable to teach me. 

Hope this helps in your journey to peach, joy, contentment and compassion. 

 

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