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Hang With Friends

Location: Earth
Members: 850
Latest Activity: 21 hours ago

Come on in, pull up a chair!

Picture yourself spending some time with congenial friends, sharing your lives and pictures from your cell phones." They're curious about that cool game, song, movie, camping trip, art show, or other event that fascinated you. You talk about all kinds of stuff, poetry, styles, personal achievements, relationships, and bad days. You can share your inner child, and laugh together. They sympathetically listen to your feelings about serious topics like politics or climate change, even when they don't agree.

Personal validation comes from paying attention to one another, giving more than you get. Everyone respects you and themselves, despite our amazing range of personal tastes and interests. They'll tell you they don't agree with an idea or behavior without implying you're a bad person or somehow deficient. It's an "I'm OK, You're OK" kind of fellowship, where nobody tries to make himself look better by picking on somebody else.

Nobody here is into mind games. A discussion started with a loaded guilt-throwing question will be deleted.

This group is not intended to compete with other groups on topics they cover but to "fill in the cracks." Whenever a discussion dwells at length on a topic for which there's an existing group, we urge you to provide members a link to that group to continue along their tangent.

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Please start a discussion to share stories, photos, and videos. Replies will pop up in your "latest activity" and a conversation can develop from the feelings and thoughts you contributed. Groups are built on discussions.

Discussion Forum

Let's not define ourselves or others by our worst behaviors

Started by Ruth Anthony-Gardner. Last reply by Dominique Lutz on Thursday. 6 Replies

My take on the recent melt down at Hang With Friends, of which I missed part, is that some of us were tripped up by a habit of thought. It's something we learn growing up, and use without realizing how much pain it can generate -  failing to…Continue

Tags: dispute at Hang With Friends

The FLDS Cult Is Unraveling

Started by Joan Denoo. Last reply by Idaho Spud Mar 29. 3 Replies

The FLDS Cult Is Unraveling"the internet is a lifeline for people trapped in the most restrictive and stifling forms of…Continue

Tags: Warren Jeff, internet, FLDS

Ode to Yahweh (Non Stamp Collector & 43alley)

Started by Loren Miller. Last reply by Joan Denoo Mar 24. 1 Reply

Ages ago (five or six years, I guess it is) when I first started recognizing my own atheism, one of the first atheist YouTubers I ran onto was Non Stamp Collector.  His handiwork wasn't up to Disney's standards, nor even Hanna-Barbera, but his wit…Continue

Tags: Yahweh, YouTube, 43alley, Non Stamp Collector

Oregon Field Guide - Lamprey Decline

Started by Joan Denoo. Last reply by Ruth Anthony-Gardner Mar 15. 3 Replies

Oregon Field Guide - Lamprey Decline"Populations of Eel-like lamprey have suddenly plummeted since the year 2000 in the Columbia Basin, surprising…Continue

Richard Dawkins, Growing Up in the Universe

Started by Joan Denoo. Last reply by Joan Denoo Mar 14. 2 Replies

Here is an oldie, the young Richard Dawkins teaching kids about the universe. I especially like the one demonstrating how the eye evolved. This should answer those who believe it was impossible to evolve an eye. Continue

Tags: universe, teaching, Dawkins, Richard

Seeing Things (TheraminTrees)

Started by Loren Miller. Last reply by Ruth Anthony-Gardner Feb 25. 2 Replies

TheraminTrees doesn't release videos very often these days,  but when he does, they are positive GEMS.  Most recent of his works is the following, wherein he dismantles some of the common rebuttals atheist get from believers when we assert our…Continue

Tags: seeing things, YouTube, TheraminTrees

Comment Wall

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Comment by Joan Denoo on January 7, 2013 at 2:29am

Chris Breman, I very much agree with and like what you stated about working with the elderly and helping them to overcome imposed limitations. It is so much fun to watch people blossom to full bloom at any age. 

As to the forgiveness matter, I am glad you find a way that works for you and that you find comfort. Loving is so much fun that it really sparks oxytocin in my bloodstream and I find it very easy to bond with people with a gentle character.  

Oxytocin is a brain peptide known to promote positive interpersonal  relations. It makes people like one another. New mothers are awash in oxytocin (which is involved in the labor process), and it is believed that the hormone promotes bonding between mother and infant.

New studies focus on a provocative and growing body of new science examining the role of oxytocin in competitive sports.

So, there is hope for all of us, even those of us who choose not to forgive. 

Comment by Joan Denoo on January 7, 2013 at 2:17am

The Flying Atheist, I am biased. That said, one of the great fallacies of christianity is the imperative to love everyone. I believed that, hook line and sinker. "Love him to the Lord" was the sickest advice I have ever had and it is even evil. The more love I poured out the more the children and I suffered physical and mental pain. I don't want to ever forget that pain because it is jet propulsion fuel that keeps me working against violence in the home. 

I was also told by just about everyone to forgive him. I do not and will not. ever. He violated our trust without concern about what it did to us. 

The odd think is, I have finally learned how to forgive me. I tolerated intolerable behavior for far too many years and all it got me was more pain, shame, guilt. 

I feel strong now, and trustworthy, reliable, responsible, capable, compassionate and all the things I had to deny myself before. I am free. 

Now, as to my life at this time, I am the happiest I have ever been, I enjoy my family and friends and neighbors in very special ways and we all have special relationships. Winters I spend reading and writing and cooking the most delicious meals you can imagine. Spring, summer and autumn I spend most days in my garden, just playing, or visiting, or enjoying the neighbor kids. I don't have to do anything I don't want to do, and I can do everything I want, even though my budget was reduced by half in the most recent melt-down. No problem. I just enjoy what I have and am grateful to be alive and free from abuse. 

I wish all women and their children could say that!

Comment by Joan Denoo on January 7, 2013 at 2:05am
Pat, thank you for thinking of me when you saw the Coatia story on Rick Steve's Europe. I don't own a TV set but undoubtedly, it will come onto the internet at some point and I will definitely look for it.

Plitvice Lakes are so incredibly lovely, I know Rick will do a good job of sharing it with us.
Comment by sk8eycat on January 7, 2013 at 1:09am

Flying A: I think there issomething wrong with me.....it takes a great deal of effort on my part to either love OR hate, unless the other individual does something exceptionally kind/helpful, or, on the other end of the spectrum, hateful. 

A few years back, when I was in serious danger of foreclosure on my house, an e-friend I've never met face-to-face sent me $5,000 without my ever asking anybody for help.  He saved my a##...and he's funny and all kinds of other good things.  Last year, he sent me tickets to "Billy Elliott - the Musical," NOT cheap!  Just because he'd loved the show so much and knew I would, too.  We talk on the phone a lot.  You BET I love him!

I can't think of any individual that I hate any more...it takes too much negative energy...but there are types of people that I have on my "Better Dead" list....people who hurt children and animals... bigots...obscenely wealthy people who have more money than they could ever spend on anything useful, and use their financial power to try to deprive the helpless of what few benefits they are able to get (after filling out reams of gov't forms)....things like that.  Karl Rove...I loved his "meltdown" on FAUX Noose after all his nasty political work came to naught last November.

We did have one neighbor who became a major pain in the tush as she got older...mostly insisting that we we remove a lovely bunch of trees that hung a few feet over her property line.  Her adult children finally realized she was slipping into dementia, and found good assisted living arrangements for her.  But I never hated her....just got annoyed, and tried to ignore her.

As for ANY teacher who would call a child who was less than genius level a "dummy," she/he ought to be removed from classroom work.  Forever.  Such a person is in the wrong "business."

I once went to work for a woman who said she could teach me everything I needed to know about M.A.S. 90....a very complicated computerized accounting system.  She would tell me something once, not allow me to take notes, and pitched fits when I made mistakes.  I couldn't afford to quit, and spent a lot of time trying to think of ways to kill myself.  After a year I couldn't take any more of it, and did quit, and got disability because by that time I really was suicidal. 

The day after I walked out, she called to ask if I was still going to baby-sit her dog that weekend.  (I did.  I had nothing against the dog, and the money came in handy.)

After that I just ignored  her, too.

But, as I saiid before, both loving and hating have always been difficult for me...going back to childhood.  I like a lot of people, and things like books, waterfalls, and the ocean.  But I've always been a loner...sort of...neither loving nor hating, and avoiding conflict whenever possible.

Comment by Plinius on January 7, 2013 at 12:58am

And right you are, Booklover! I'm always shocked when I see the damage teachers like that cause. I work with elderly people; some of them can hardly take a course and do homework because of one such person in their school days who told them not to bother because they were too stupid. It makes my day if I can help them study without pain - far more important than how much they learn.

I'm not sure about the answer, Flying Atheist. Love and hate are both very strong emotions. Love grows stronger all the time and I find that hate grows less as you see and understand more of the person you hate - which doesn't mean that you condone their actions. Perhaps it's my age, but I'm less inclined to hate now, I get the feeling that my hating someone hurts me. A frigid rejection must be enough.

Comment by The Flying Atheist on January 6, 2013 at 8:34pm

Melinda, your post about hating the woman who acted horribly toward your son prompts me to bring up an interesting philosophical question that gets asked occasionally:  is it easier to love or to hate?  I personally think it's easier to hate.  I have hated some people (or groups) throughout my life, and still do, and it has been quite easy because, often enough, of just one incident or action.  Whereas, loving a person tends to come as the result of much invested time and an accumulation of numerous acts of kindness and caring that goes beyond general fondness or appreciation we may have for others.  Loving takes time and trust.  It is far easier and less time-consuming to smash and tear down than it is to build up and reinforce with trust and confidence in others.

Anyone have any thoughts on this?   

Comment by Pat on January 6, 2013 at 6:51pm

Joan, not to interrupt the thread, but if you have the opportunity to watch Rick Steve's Europe on PBS, he did a half-hour on Croatia. A good part of it was showing the Plitvice Lakes - the photo of the waterfall you put up earlier. Having seen it, it's a serious consideration for my bucket list.

Comment by Joan Denoo on January 6, 2013 at 4:59pm
booklover, Good for you! Such behavior in adults is just not tolerable. Do not be tolerant of intolerable behavior! If we don't confront them, our silence implies agreement.
Comment by Joan Denoo on January 6, 2013 at 4:42pm

John Lynch, that makes sense, the offended is the only one entitled to forgive, and frankly, I am not into forgiveness. It gets in the way of solving problems that are systemic. 
A man slaps his wife, she forgives;

A man slaps his wife, she forgives; 

A man slaps his wife, she forgives; until one of them dies. 

Comment by John Lynch on January 6, 2013 at 3:28pm

About the sex offender. Forgiving should be granted by the victim and no one else.Morons.

 

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